Dec 2007 - Little People, Large Strops

[strandedatseasonsgreetings]

Will this do everyone?

Look elsewhere hmm...why don't you all have a nosy at my latest friend on fb...

Hey everyone :)
Just spent a week in Blackpool with DH, DS, DD and DSS.

DSS was a bit trying, tbh. I am afraid he put a bit of a dampener on the holiday for me. Most of the time he is fine and we had a great time at the Pleasure Beach but at times he was making things difficult. I admit DSS is the sour point of my relationship with DH
Still weather was good for most of it!

Freaky - is that AW you mean, he is rather nice looking! C'mon, spill woman!

That's the one BT, he is v attractive Erm the back story is I snogged him about a year ago, have seen him a few times with friends since, he's always tried it on but has always been v drunk so nothing has happened. Then went out last Saturday (was ovulating so may have been on the prowl a little ) saw him again, snogged him again. He was texting all day Sunday then came over Monday eve after dc were in bed. We chatted for hours and hours then dtd [slapper] He said he'd call me Tuesday, didn't think he would but he did and has been in contact every day since Was talk of seing him fri but didn't happen in the end but he came over this morning. Nice way to start the day I must say . Not sure whether it will be a sex thing or a fling or more...but for now am just enjoying it for what it is.

Must be hard with dss, it seemed like things had got a bit easier with him recently though? Sorry he put a dampener on the holiday for you. Does dh find him hard too or is he blind to it?

FO - squeeee! Enjoy, enjoy, sounds like you have the right attitude and who knows it may turn into something more.

It is kind of up and dowm but DH finds him hard too.

Oh my goodness- is his surname common but spelled with a y not an i? He is gorgeous! Is that his DD in the pic? Well done you (and only a tiny bit ....)

How fantastically exciting

BT - oh no that's shame about DSS. What are the issues (if you want to tell us)? Do you go on the step parwnt thread? is there support on there? I have a friend who is a step mother and she finds it really really hard although the children are lovely. it is just so complicated iwth so many people and emotions involved

Reunited with DC again - bliss - they are so fantastic. DH away all week but I don;t even care - jst pleased to be with my babies again - although might not feel that way after a few days...

I know! Isn't he just?? I go a bit swoony around him! V nice body too That's his dd3 (he has 4 ). They all live nr inverness with his xw so he doesn't see them much...it's a difficult situation (won't go into it too much) but I can't help being a bit at him being so far away from them all. Then again he is currently fighting for better access to them so it's not like he doesn't want to see them more.

Just have to be careful I don't get too involved if it isn't going to go anywhere though. Maybe I should follow the university three-time rule (where you either have to start dating or stop sleeping together after the third time)

I know some of my friends think I shouldn't be involved with anyone at all unless I think it is serious but tbh I am only thirty and celibacy really isn't for me so I may as well enjoy myself in the meantime!

absolutely - just enjoy yourself. Love the three-rule but definitely don't think you should obey it in these circs, unless you can feel yourself really falling for him and aren't sure he is as keen - otherwise go for the (much preferable) as-many-times-as-possible rule!!

You CAN have a life outside of your kids, FO! So enjoy :)
My first reaction to his picture was phwoar!!

Skidd - yey for being back, hope the novelty doesn't wear off too quickly

DSS is hard work. He is 10yo and expects us to arrange things around him. He will sit and play with DS's toys while ignoring DS and then throws a strop when DS gets upset and wants his toys back. He whined and complained about not going on enough rides at the Pleasure Beach because DH and I had to take turns taking DS on rides and looking after DD. And this was after he queued for 40mins for a ride DH told him he wouldn't like, and then decided he wouldn't get on when he got to the front of the queue.
On Sunday, he got up really late and sat on sofa with face on refusing to get dressed which mean we couldn't go to the park and after lunch it pissed it down, so of course he whined about not being able to go to the park.
He kept disappearing upstairs at PILs to call his mum on the phone (without bothering to ask PILs if it was okay to do so, FIL was NOT happy when he found out!).
I could go on. Not sure how much of it is typical 10yo behaviour, mixed in with AS or how much it is to do with the fact he is spoilt (his mum constantly panders to him and he spoilt rotten by her family).

I feel awful for saying so but I was so glad he went back to his mum's as frankly I had had my fill of him. I hope to God DS never acts like that!!

OMG sorry haven't been around much, back-to-school etc taking up all my time but just had to say WAY HAY Clairey, go for it and off to check out your FB page now although I should be getting ready as am going out for a meal with local antenatal teachers tonight (let's hope the talk isn't all of breathing and contractions...)

Oh yes he is rather gorgeous! And he only has 82 fb friends which I like as I don't have that many either. (feel like a stalker...)

Well it's all off with mr hot
Sent me a message this morning saying he was really busy at the moment and felt bad because he felt like he was just using me where he could only pop round every now and then. Said that wasn't what he had wanted but he had realised he wasn't really in a position to be starting a relationship right now.

I'm ok with it I think, had suspected that might be the case and am just pleased he was honest and didn't mess me around or keep me hanging on.

Now just need to crush the wail of "what's wrong with MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE?!" that keeps threatening to surface

How was the meal Clara?

oh no clairey, what a shame

good he was honest and upfront but also so sad.

but rather than thinking what's wrong with me, maybe you could think, an extremely gorgeous man (verified by fellow MNetters) really fancied me - and liked me enough to be honest

Not a great comfort I guess but at least you know:

1. you are very fanciable (gorgeous man, wedding man, WC, beddy byes man and probably others)
2. men are not just after a quick shag with you
3. it won't be long before someone else comes along (going on past few months)
4. We are all of all these men chasing you

Ah thank you skid, just what I needed (although I am not sure on point 2-sometimes it seems as though they all want me for a shag but not when it comes to more).

DS has learnt to play his parents off against each other...everytime I tell him to do something (eat breakfast, get dressed etc etc) he says "but daddy says I don't have to do xyz" grrr! I know xh has said nothing of the sort but this morning did find myself retorting "well what does daddy know about bringing up children?" Whoops, parenting fail for me there!

Oh Clairey I am sorry. But it does completely prove how fanciable you are so don't be too dispirited.

Re you DS, DD1 used to do that all the time with me too. My mantra was "I don't care what you do with Dad, at my house the rule is XYZ". It worked pretty well on the whole. And that way you don't have to worry about whether or not what they're telling you is true.

Clara, how was the ante-natal group dinner? Is the programme going well?

BT, DSS does sound a bit like your average "tween-ager" but incredibly frustrating and irritating all the same. Is he quite jealous of D&C?

I've just booked DD1 in for a dyspraxia assessment. I really want to help her overcome some of her learning difficulties like her great struggle with writing. I've heard good things about a clinic here called The Children's Clinic that helps children with dyspraxia and other sensory processing disorders. I will be interested to see whether they can suggest anything new.

I agree with Buzzy, DSS often used to do the same thing. However DH and his mum both cottoned on to him fairly quickly. I think he does get jealous of D&C but I think he actually gets more quality time with DH than they do :(

FO - you are definitely fanciable, and the problem is him. I guess he needs to spend his time and energy with his DDs, to be brutal I think you would find it hard being involved with someone who has a family living so far away. I speak from experience, it would be so much easier if we lived closer to DSS!

hope you're feeling a bit cheerier clairey - have you heard anything else from him?

buzzy - hope the assessment goes well and that they can give you some support. I have realised with all the problems we're having with DS1 that even if you do get a diagnosis, the support does not automatically follow - and that's what you actually need - the diagnosis is neither here nor there in a way

Poor DS1 is really anxious about going back to pre-school on Monday - he has been pulling his hair out in huge clumps and now has a bald patch . He has also soiled himself every day for a week , and talks about dying all the time . I don't know what to do, he is so unhappy and stressed

Hi skidd, yes I agree a 150%. Having had some sort of diagnosis 2 years ago and done quite a bit of reading I feel I've done just about as much as I can myself without some sort of further support. The school barely acknowledges that she has any form of learning difficulty, and its easy for them to do that as she exceeds the national standards in maths and reading by a long way so despite barely meeting the Y4 standard they don't really see an issue and just tend to complain that she's inattentive (well you would be too if you had trouble processing what you hear) and rather tentative (basically a lack of confidence) in what she attempts so often doesn't finish what she starts. I realise there's no overnight "cure" but I really want her to have the best chance of succeeding in life (by which I mean being happy) as I can.

Did you get a diagnosis in the end then? In NZ the Special Education Service will do an IEP for pre-school age children, is that also possible where you are? That way it can be possible to get some support for him while he's at pre-school. Would that help do you think? However from personal experience I know that its very hard to get any meaningful help when your child is classified as "mildly disabled".

It could also partly be his age (not that that helps much!) - DD2 is actually going through a phase of quite extreme anxiety at present too. Her favourite nursery teacher went on holiday recently and ever since she came back, DD has been clinging to her all day and crying when she leaves the room. She has also become very afraid of the dark, and reverted to hiding behind my skirts whenever an adult talks to her, even if she knows them reasonably well. I was talking today to a woman in my coffee group (mums who had babies around the same time) and she also said her son is very anxious currently and really struggling with things like swimming lessons with a group of children he doesn't know.

Hi everyone
The meal out was lovely, thank you. And useful to. We've had another nice day today meeting up with two other families from our NCT group. All the children got on so well.
Skidd (and Buzzy) I think dd2 is anxious at the moment as well. Outwardly she's fine and she went back to preschool last week without a problem but she starts at her childminders one day a week next week and she's been having "night terrors". I think that's what it is, screaming and thrashing about and shouting out in the night but not actually seeming to be awake. In the morning she remembers nothing. But I second what you are saying about not getting support if you need it - a friend of mine's son has delayed speech but they have said there isn't anything they can do until the term before he starts school. Basically, there's no cash in the NHS apart from for really extreme/urgent cases. They are going private....Skid - I hope he is less anxious once he starts back, it might take a bit of time but hopefully it will get easier for him.
Clairey - very sorry to hear about new man but I guess it's better he's honest than strings you along. I agree with everyone else, you are obviously fanciable and at least you are getting some good practice! Someone will come along, like you say - you're only 30. I didn't meet my dh until I was mid-30's (although perhaps that's one of our problems as we are both a little too settled in our ways!)
BT - sorry to hear your dss is being difficult, that must be such a hard relationship. I am sure it will get easier as he gets older and matures but that's not much help at the moment.
Buzzy - the course is going really well, I'm loving it. I absolutely treasure the one tutorial a month, it just feels like real "me" time. Writing the essays on my own at home is harder and I really need to get started on my next one, but it's getting easier as I go on...

Oh poor you clara - night terrors are awful - is she still having them? I have a friend who didn't sleep more than a hour at a time for 3 years because her DS had night terrors - and she was a single mum. Can you do anything to calm her down?

Sympathies to (parents of) other anxious 3 year olds. I think it's true that lots of 3 yr olds can get quite anxious but I think my DS takes it to another level - the thought of him having a swimming class at all for example is laughable - his first day at school went much better than expected though - he has a lovely new teacher so that is good. Haven't got a diagnosis yet buzzy but I think it is a looooong process. Follow-up appt not until next Feb. It's interesting what you say about the school barely acknowledging DD1's problems, and what clara says about her friends going private - the more I get to know about this, the more I realise it is really common to have to fight fight fight just to get schools/GP/paed/whoever to listen

Glad you are enjoying your course clara although I can imagine writing the essays in the evenings must take a lot of will power!

I'm sooo sick of being ill - has been more than 3 weeks now, ABs have done nothing, and I still have this awful hacking cough, no appetite, weight loss and nausea [sigh] No fun at all [sorry for myself]

Oh no skid hope you feel better soon. Must have been that week without dc that did it for you

Glad ds' first day back was better than expected, must be so hard seeing him so unhappy

Clara night terrors are awful, my cousin's little boy had them but has thankfully grown out of them.

Skid ds wouldn't even go near a swimming pool! Slow progress though...he has now paddled in the sea, played in fountains and had a shower. I was also able to shampoo his hair last night, he cried but let me do it. He also wouldn't do any classes that required me leaving him but I'm hoping being at preschool will get him used to being away from me a bit!

AW drove past me earlier and smiled and waved so am feeling relieved-knew I'd be fine with seeing him but was worried he'd be weird with me. Am going to the pub on Saturday and he'll probably be there so glad the first sighting is over with!

Clairey - am going to need a score card to keep up with all your men! AW was the latest one with kids who lived some distance away, non? As opposed to WC who was window cleaner?

Thankfully Martha seems to have calmed down a bit at night (that'll be famous last words then....). She started at childminders yesterday and was absolutely fine, didn't even cry when I left her! I couldn't believe it - I think she had found a sleeping beauty toy and that was far more interesting than me!

Dd1's 6th birthday party this weekend - I have, in my stupidity, decided to make the cake. For 25 children. Using green regal icing that I have never used before. I'm bricking it!

Cake making - rather you than me, I am rubbish at baking!

I think we have sorted out a non DH bedtime routine. Get DS into his PJs and nappy and let him climb into our bed. He normally falls asleep there while I am feeding DD, and then when DH gets home he transfers him into his own bed.
If DH is away overnight he stays with me.

He has anew best friend and we have been having playdates! A Bulgarian boy at DS's nursery, I got friendly with his mum as she attends some of the stay and plays we go to. She has also been teaching the children some Bulgarian! It is lovely watching them play together :)

Hi Everyone, just marking my place! I have been reading but mainly on my phone which is rubbish for posting decent messages from! Been ultra busy with back to school, DD at nursery, footing problems on the extension, car trouble, work... I could go on...

I hope you're all okay and the DCs are all okay, I'll try and start keeping up properly again now!

Hi - have posted a pic of the finished cake on FB - I was so relieved to get it done! Dd1 loved it and her party, it was so much fun. 25 children randomly swining hockey sticks and hoping to eventually hit a ball! (it was a sports party) Dd2 was hilarious - she "joined in" but looked fairly bemused most of the time.
All I can say is thank f**k that's over for another year....
BT - how lovely that your ds has a friend. It's nice to get to this age at last where they can properly start interacting with other children. I must start arranging more play dates for dd2 and not just expect her ot trail around after dd1 and her friends.
Hi Beckle!
Clairey - saw your message on FB about the phone caller - who is it do you think? How creepy! You can tell the police you know. although the idea abotu the whistle is a good one. I remember my neighbour's mum did that (about 35 years ago!) when her ex-H started calling her up....

Hi clara - yes I saw the cake, very cool!

BTW did you end up going to counselling? Are things better for you now with DH?

Hope you're feeling a bit better now clairey re "the man".

Skidd, have you finally managed to shake the cold/flu? I've had a very odd cold this last week too. Started with laryngitis, then progressed to cough and then runny nose, opposite to normal for me. My colleagues at work are very sick of my cough too I think...

DD2 is currently obsessed with playing with DD1's Sylvanian family toys. Which is OK until DD1 gets possessive about them. We have had a rule that they stay in DD1's room but that rule seems to be weakening by the day.

I have arranged a playdate for DD2 this weekend - but when I told her, she asked "can Dee [her favourite teacher] come too?"!!