September 2010 - we've met our little ones now!

[comixminx]

Or most of them at least - there are some late September ones still to come!

I honestly don't know what id do without you all, who'd have though i group of women i've never met would be able to make me feel so much better than my boyfriend or my family, my family are great but i haven't really let on that i've been struggling so they don't know whats going on. I just think my confidence has taken a bit of a knock this week. All you ever really hear about in rl is how wonderful and rewarding it is having kids and it really is but recently i've just felt like i'm the only person in the world who's found it hard. Loads of girls on Facebook have had babies recently and they all seem to be coping really well and i ended up feeling terrible that i seem to have found it harder than most.

On the bright side though the sun is out so with a bit of luck this friggin snow will start to melt!

Hey newmum me again, just read all the posts that have come in (crikey this thread moves sooo fast) and can only echo them, I hope Grace giving you big smiles helps you see you're doing great and that she loves you loads!!
Hang in there the days will get easier as you both get to know each other and what you both need, 2nd clumsy on persevering with the sling.
It's easy to forget that it's still early days she's only been here a few weeks and is still getting used to the big wide world just as you are just getting used to her being in it.
Try and give yourself a break and don't be hard on yourself, DP's rarely get a complete picture of what it's like to be on your own coping, but try to keep telling him, you don't need the stress of arguing with him too, but you DO need him to try and understand.
(and do his bit!)

newmum

'my family are great but i haven't really let on that i've been struggling so they don't know whats going on'

'loads of girls on facebook have had babies recently and they seem to be coping really well'

Wouldn't you be one of these girls then, if you haven't let on either?

Chances are they are struggling as well sometimes, but like you they don't let on.

You are doing great. She's fed, warm, clothed (i presume clean clothes ) and very much alive, ie, loud and vocal. Cut yourself some slack and try to enjoy her babyness, cos trust me, it goes in the blink of an eye. She will be a toddler in about 9months time and this bit is over forever.

She seems to be the only one of us who does have clean clothes. Mine are covered in sick and DP wore the same t shirt for work all last week, oh how scruffy do we sound!! True about the FB thing, and keeping talking to DP i honestly feel so much better just for having a moan to you lot. Just had a wash, got dressed, put way too much make up on for a thursday morning and sprayed perfume for good measure. My hair's still greasy but what the hell, nobody's perfect doesn't look too bad tied up and thank the lord for dry shampoo!!!

It's thursday and this is the 1st day i have got dressed all week! And that's only cos i nipped the shop this morning for milk before DP took DD to school. I haven't washed my face, brushed my teeth or hair though. Who gives a damn. I'm sat here while they are both asleep having a sugary cup of tea and a flake. Watching crap tv. Bliss. It really is better for the babies if there mum is happy, rather than the house being tidy, me being made up etc, cos that's just surface level stuff, that makes it appear like everything is fine..........well, that's my logic and i'm sticking to it. :0

Haha i like your thinking sassy!! My mum has just rang she's off work cause of the snow so she's doing an emergency trip to tesco for me so im going to cook DP a nice meal for tonight while she entertains grace!! Never thought id say this but i actually miss cooking. We've been living off ready meals and take aways since Grace was born! I will have to start cooking stuff on sundays and freezing it for the week! x

I just decided to get up and do a quick tidy round, i emptied the washing machine and filled it again, wiped down kitchen, took out recycling and emptied all the bins......just as DP walks through the door. (good timing or what) 10 mins earlier i would have been sat here with tea and flake. Ha. Bless him though, he said why don't you sleep while they sleep? He'd forgot money for the radiators (they are being delivered today).

newmum Brillant. Enjoy yourself. xxx

newmum It is amazing just how much the people on here can help, isn't it. Louis is a totally different baby to Grace, but I've also had days when I've felt just how you've been discribing and just having the ladies on here has really helped. There have been times when I'm completely that DP gets to go out to work and have a break do something different. I think that trying to get your DP to spend a bit of time taking care of her by himself is a really good idea, both for him to understand better, and for you to have a proper break. I can't offer you the long term perspective of some of the mums with older DCs, but in my whole 2 weeks of extra experience , I can say that the good days are starting to get more frequent. Try not to think too much about the girls on facebook - they are probably doing just the same as you and keeping their struggling to themselves. Even in my toughest weeks, I've seen people and they've said how amazingly chilled and natural I am with Louis, and I just smile and say thanks, when it's just about the opposite of how I'm actually feeling... Hope the snow melts enough for you to get out this afternoon. x

Arrgh - took me so long to post (paused to feed, change and settle Louis for a nap) that sassy etc had already said most of what I did... Oh well :o

ha, no flies on me mapletrees!

Oh newmum glad that your Mum is on the scene today. Get yourself in a gorgeously bubbly bath and have a bit of you time!
So sorry you're having a tough time at the mo. It sounds just like me when Jack was about a month old. Serious melt downs on DH and lots of tears. I kept thinking at the time it was because I missed our pooch who was put to sleep on my due date but realise now I was stressed, way over tired and thinking I was a crap Mum. Thankfully Jack is sleeping well now and can be left in his chair etc for a good 20 mins whilst I do whatever I need to.
Grace will get there and I'm sure week by week it will get easier although I'm a new mum too so could well be talking poo
I love all the support and advice we get from our trusty experienced mumsnetty mums!
Jack is really over tired today but has just gone off to sleep. I was a bit mean and woke him up twice pulling bogies out his little nose
Lots of snow here too so might not venture out today. Hope you're all coping and have plenty goodies in your cupboards!
Oh... forgot..... I was in the shower last night and DH was bathing Jack next to me.... he laughed! his very first propper giggle! On the 1st Dec so easy to remember. It would have been on DH's shift shower curtain blocked my view!

I agree about leaving her to cry for a bit and not running everytime she wants you if you know she is fed, changed and not in pain. I know exactly how you feel, my ds1 was a nightmare baby! He only slept 20mins at a time was happy for about 2 mins on his own and always wanted to see me. I was often in tears with him but as others have said the smiles make it all better and he did get easier with time. By 8 months (not that he was terrible all that time) he was a very happy, contented toddler who would play happily by himself and settle very quickly for his naps. He has his off days as we all do but he is the easiest toddler/young child ever and although he loves mummy and there are times when he only wants me he is very independant. Plus look at this way, my first was such hard work and I now have an 11 week old (who is a dream in comparison) so it must get easier or I wouldn't have wanted another!

Also hugely agree about when you're stressed your children are. If I shout the kids get stressy back at me if I'm calm everything goes smoother.

I also agree about you OH, he doesn't know because he's not there. I don't think he thinks you're lazy but probably doesn't think before he speaks and has no experience plus if he's anything like my DH he thinks he can do everything quicker and better than me anyway! Let him do it if you feel you'll be happy leaving Grace and not worrying about her too much and you may get more suport in the future. My DH often gets annoyed at me because I assume he knows why Luke is doing something or what he's going to do next and then explains that he has no idea as he only sees him a few hours a day whereas his routines are a huge part of my life.

Yay for Jack beaditAli, Luke still hasn't laughed but smiles soooo much and saves the biggest ones for mummy

Slightly difference subject, does anyone feel that their baby doesn't fit their name yet? With DS1 I knew as soon as he was born what to call him. With Luke I didn't feel anything strongly. DH only liked 3 of the names I chose and didn't suggest any himself, those 3 that we had were not my top ones and he just said how about Luke when he was born. It's not that I don't like, I just feel it doesn't suit him and sometimes sounds a bit harsh for a baby . I even asked DH if we could change his name (stupid I know) and he just laughed!

Still only had a small bit of snow, has helped a bit by making Monday's frozen snow a bit more grippy.

newmum Hope you're feeling a bit better. I know exactly how your feel in this snow! I actually made it out the house today for the 1st time since mon. I went nextdoor!!! Where do you live?

I also agree with everything sassy said. When my childminder went on mat leave (2 weeks before I did) dh took AL to look after ds1. After the 2 weeks I asked him if he'd enjoyed his "daddy" time. His response - " Its really nice BUT I just can't get anything done!" I don't think he'd realised till then just how hard it is! & has now forgotten!!!!!

cinnamon I had the same problem. Still have a bit! I don't really like any boys names so it was the best of a bad bunch really. He's definately more an olly than an Oliver & I think I'm ok with it but dh & I had a "did we choose the right name discussion"! I wondered if it was also cos I'm that used to ds1s name that any other just seems a bit strange.

Beadit A fellow nose picker!! I'm not the only one!!!!!

Right! duty calls! Take care in this bad weather everyone! Thats if you can get out!

Urrrrrrr Jack is so flipping awake today. I know he's tired tho pretty sure there's a poo to come soon so fingers crossed he'll nap properly afterwards.

Definitely know what you mean re: names. I have to say it bothers me nearly every day that Jack is so popular even though me, my friends and my close family only know of 1 who's 11.... out of all the people we know! So where are all the Jacks??
Oliver was my favourite for about 8 months banana so you have thumbs up here! DH and I liked such different names that they all got scrapped! DH seriously liked Herbie and Amos which i don't and I liked Luca, Finn, Harry and James. ... DH didn't
We do both love Jack's name but I'm sometimes not sure about the one syllable.
cinnamon I think Luke's a lovely name and not harsh at all.
Ohhhh.. big trumpet from the little man now he's asleep on me! Horraaaaaaaaah!

im a nose picker too!

its funny you say that cinnamon i feel like Arlo's name really suits him, even though i'd had a different boys name picked out since i was 14 that i couldnt use
altough my dd who's 2.4yrs still doesnt suit hers imo...

I think you've all picked great names :o - Jack and Oliver are popular for a reason, and Luke was on my shortlist. Arlo has a really nice sound to it too, and manages to be unusual but still sound like a proper name iykwim. On the subject, when you read 'Louis', do you think Loo-ee or Loo-iss? I have always thought one way, but I've had to correct quite a few people in rl.

beadit i pulled a bogey out of Grace's nose the other day. Never known her to have bogies before i was fascinated by it! She on the other hand was not very pleased!

Well not had a bad day, didn't make it out as it snowed again but my mum came round and made tea for us which was nice. She also commented on how difficult Grace seems to be now, she see's her at least 2/3 times a week and said she seems a lot more difficult this week than she did last week. So i told her that im finding it a bit hard at the moment and she made all her lovely mumsy comments about how proud she is of me and how well im doing and said that Grace just seems a bit bored at the moment and will get better once she can do more and play etc. Then she said that she'll come round and look after her for a couple of hours tomorrow while i go to my sisters and watch telly and have some me time. I love my mum!

I think she might be teething aswell, she keeps really rubbing at her face (partly through tiredness but refusing to sleep) but she's really sucking on her fists and wakes up with a start and immediately starts knawing her hands. She does this when hungry too but it's different somehow. She's also being a bit sick after most feeds and has gooey eyes so to be fair to her i wouldn't be in a very good mood either if i was her! She was supposed to be in the doctors yesterday but couldn't get down there cause of the snow but as soon as it clears i will be having the next available appointment.

Anyway im feeling better so thank you all for being so amazing this morning i really needed it and really appreciate it!! xxx

Forgot to say as well that i love all your babies names but agree im still getting used to Grace, it was our first choice and i've wanted it since i was a teenager but she's so big and sturdy it doesn't suit her somehow!

Friends said last night that Jack looks like he's in the Navy! Other people have said 'what a bruiser' and such like..... makes me think he should be a 'Thaw' or a 'Goliath' or something!
newmum So so glad you're feeling better and your mum sounds lovely! Can she come to my house?
maples Louis was on my shortlist too but DH wasn't keen as he thought folk would think 'Lewis' which to me is daft. It's so definitely Loooooeeee to me! And I love it!
Just put an f infront of smile and sad = fsad etc etc for those of you not adding to the festive frivolities on here!!! [fgin] Or do you think it's just too early for Santa hats?

[fgin]? Ha ha.... I want a G and T after reading that!

newmum, Grace is a lovely name and I was thinking of shortlisting it for our DD but it's also the name of DP's ex-wife! so no go there for us, unfortunately

Aphra may be teething too, she gnaws at her fists a lot, is very dribbly which is apparently also a sign, and cranky at times. No sign of any actual teeth yet though.

Aphra 13 weeks today!

(x-post with Ali's plea for festive smileys - and a for good luck!)

love the name aphra,beautiful and unusual and grace is lovely,classic,timeless,not 'overdone'
in fact,there isnt a name on this thread i dont like!
i would think 'lou-eee',but dp's nephew is a lewis so that does make me stop and think!which way do you say it?im intreuged...

maple I would pronounce looo-eee as well.

I still settling with Flynn's name too, I love it but because it's not the original name that was planned (for like the last 5 years) because DP changed his mind on it, I still think I'm getting used to it as in my mind if I ever had a son he was going to be this other name instead.
Also some days I think he suits his second name, Jago more and we quite often call him Flynn Jago and I could easily see him going by both in the future.

comixminx i bought Dentinox teething gel from tesco, it's really mild (can be used from birth) put some on Graces gums before and she's been peacefully asleep for 2 hours now, no face rubbing or fist chewing!!