FESH spa and creche: Is anyone thinking of the children yet?

[SkiHorseWonAWean]

New Fred. Apologies for dullness of title - we need curly for witticisms.

'Diffed again'?? Hahahahahhahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. No.

Sympathy and warm cloths for cunty. Was it a vomit lake between the breasts or an over the shoulder, down the back job?

What are these new FESHes doing? You would think they were busy or something.

I am officially not diffed. Confession: I actually POAS'd after we took a leetle risk the day before MrP's bollocks were decommissioned.

haha we did too fanny. Yes, I'm old enough to know better and everyfink - but the first time out of the starting gates we failed to use contraception. It was unlikely to have caused diffage and I got my period anyway.

Am back on the TTC 'orse in 8.5 weeks.

Btw, I love the way women describe popping them along to the vet to get them fixed and the like. Poor fellas - if they ever got wind of it...

On the other hand, I have been making Hom put a condom over his condom...

fanny we were still 'tummy to mummy' so all over my arm the pillow and bottom sheet. Was trying to wring another few days out of that bedding too.

@ ski. Glad we're not alone in our irresponsible, juvenile behaviour!

You know what though? I didn't find out until after my c-section that they could have easily tied my cords at the end of the op. I would have asked for that if I'd known. It would have saved MrP all that pain (yes, despite what they say he was in agony) and it would have been instantaneous instead of having to use condoms and test the swimmers for the next 6 months. Oh well.

cunty You are making me think of the old joke:
Q: Why does an Irishman wear two condoms?
A: To be sure, to be sure.

A few nights ago we had one of those panic vomit clean ups in the half dark when we were both half asleep. MrP was standing up holding Clyde on his shoulder so I tried to help out by wiping his shoulder and back, until he wimpered 'But it's on my bum.' Sure enough, vomit all down his buttock and leg. Nice.

If I had become diffed I assure you I would not have offended all the BESH-mentality wimmins by claiming it was an accident. I did not accidentally fall upon the penis. No butterdish would've been dropped.

'a sex life which consists of accidentally falling on to penises'

Sounds like my 20s.

haha polly - I have nooo idea what you could possibly mean!

Second timers pls to advise? Bear gets quite "snuffly" at night. He's in our room with the window open. It seems to be hard bogeys rather than anything which can be sucked out with a bogey-sucking-device. A couple of times he's sneezed out something big enough to deserve its own postcode! Anything I can do to help alleviate this?

ski Your resident snuffly baby expert reporting. Try any / all of the following:

1. Raise the cot head (ranty/preachy baby routine books can find an actual use as leg props for the cot).
2. Steam inhalations. Either during the day hold baby on knee over / near a source of steam, or at night put a wet facecloth on the radiator (obviously this in winter when heating is on). Also hang wet washing next to a radiator in the baby's room.
3. I have found a warmer room helps enormously. You might need to reconsider that open window if it's chilly.
4. From 3 months this snuffle babe stuff is invaluable. We have actually started using it earlier by putting it on a cloth near Clyde, i.e. not directly on his skin.
5. Any time you see a chance to physically grab a bogey and pull it out, do.

Other than that they need to sneeze it out, or if it gets swallowed they need to vomit it or pass it.

I also have no idea what polly is talking about. That ponyslag would probably know all about it though.

1. Any time you see a chance to physically grab a bogey and pull it out, do

Fuck me, this parenting lark is full of little highlights isn't it

Rastus has got it both ends today . If he's not chucking, it's rocketing out the other end. I don't think he's ill cos he seems in a fairly good mood. He's never been sick before today (not one to waste food!) so it's a bit weird

cunty I was cuddling the little tyke, face on my chest when I pulled him back and it was as large as my thumbnail, brick shaped and the colour of Kermit. Such a cute face though. Furthermore his fluffy white fleece nappies are masters of deception, you do not need to know what lies beneath. [Edvard_Munch]

fanny Very hot here still (18 at least in bedroom) - the one night the window was accidentally shut he was even worse. :( I do pull anything I can [puke] ... I will try the elevation - thank you! :)

We tried elevation last night coz Comma started with a cold. He has vommed up all the snot today, three times. Twice I heard a splash. He's now sleeping it off.

I agree with all fanny's suggestions - don't have any more I'm afraid.

Comma about to wake (aarrgghh) but has been asleep for a couple of hours (amazing) so I've got lots done. So quickly:

• PMSL@fall on penis. I'm just not doing any falling - def no baybees gonna majiklee arrive in this house, that's fer shore.
• cunty ok re horses, sorry about that. Tell me about the board of snow.
• silver can't make Windsor :( Too much on, looks like house sale finally coming on, week before christening (or is it two weeks? must check that) etc. Anyone wants to go it's end of this week and this weekend and would be fun. Cheer on my wrinklies for me.
• LC off school with D&V, Comma has cold, but otherwise all well in the rots house! Which may not be the rots house much longer! Don't tempt fate...
• ski sorry loverly. Yes please to send to MAC address (LOL) (ok not funny but at least you'll know why I LOL). Please advise popper or velcro preferance or random mix.

VVV excited about new baybees!!!

preferance?

rots I'm just back from the PO and have popped them off to MAC. Poppers would be fab if that's OK. :)

Yeh cunty - more snowsports talk pls!

Btw - is anyone else getting agrophobic? I don't mind so much if I'm out on my own, or at the stables/pool - but just threw a wobbly in town and just wanted to get homw with Bear. :(

rotters nay problemo. Totally understand.

I have just munched pasta and sauce with MILs pickled beetroot. Was v nice and am trying to let my stomach acknowledge that it's got grub in it before I raid the cupboards.

Him Indoors haz arranged for house to be scrubbed clean next week (aka he is gonna do it)! Result. We haz pals coming over Sunday for munchies so we'll have to make the house look tad presentable.

boxer how did young hoss get on at RH Sunday??

Ski I got vey agrophobic when Boo was a baybee. Ended up with PND. Not nice. I put it down to the fact that I didn't really know anyone in this area and our house is vey isolated - would go days and days without seeing anyone except TG. I am hoping this time round will be different as I've now Made Friends and Got A Life. Well sort of.

silver Please to send husband around here? Will make him work naked for a humiliating 25 quid an hour cash in hand.

polly Thank you. I hope it's not PND :( - I have been a little down but as much as anything put it down to seasonal changes and general jailbaitgettingonmytits. I do have friends and am socialising - Bear has been to any number of coffee mornings - I just want these cunting arseholes to get the fuck out of my way.

I was in a toy shop yesterday and the toy aisle for babies 0-6 months was so narrow I couldn't actually get down it with the pram - I reversed back up it and tried to get around another way - blocked again, and again, and again. A shop worker offered to start moving things but I didn't feel that was the point - I felt like I was in the Crystal fucking Maze. If it had been a shopping trolley I'd have legged it. Some cunting old biddy told me I shouldn't be in the shop with such a big pram. Prams banned from a toy shop? Cunting twats. IANBU am I? Whatever next? "Children not allowed in to Toy Shop".

I shouldn't go in to toy shops anyway - am never able to leave empty handed. :( DESPITE BEING UNABLE TO GO DOWN MOST FUCKING AISLES.

At least you are aware of how you are feeling Ski. That is a good thing. I wasn't, and continued in ignorance until I had an utter meltdown when Boo was about 6 months old. Despite the fact that I've suffered the odd bout of depression in the past, I STILL didn't see recognise it until it bit me on the arse. I'm afraid I don't find baybees overwhelmingly wonderful. They are hard work and knackering and can put a big strain on relationships as you adjust (well that was us anyway, not saying we are all same). I might even go as far to say (waits for sharp intakes of breath from fellow ESHes) a bit boring. I still adored babyBoo, but just loved the later stages so much more iykwim.

TG is actually crapping himself about me laying another baybee - he hasn't said it but I am sure he is worried I'll get PND again and we'll be at each others throats. Am determined not to beat myself about it if I do get it, but hopefully will be more aware of the signs this time and more pro-active in fighting it off and getting help. We'll see....

Can't believe the toy shop aisle too narrow for prams. FFS. I'd have had The Rage.

Oh and Ski'orse meant to say also - my sis who had baybee in March has been suffering with the agrophobia and the general feeling of 'I will go mad if I spend another day looking at these four walls'. The two do not go well together. She has seemed a bit better of late, has made some mum-friends through the baby group thing the HV runs. Don't think she has PND. She even thought about going back to work to combat the boredom.... I think when you have always worked and been busy it takes a while to adjust to being at home, just you and a baby. Not everyone finds it easy. Right, I'll stfu now.

With you pol I'm bored to tears

Yay you lot are ace. I mentioned in our ante-natal group that babies are boring. Cue tumbleweed....

ski Mum is away till Mon at Windsor so she can send then. Is that ok?

Toy shop incident - outrageous. Old lady - ignorant beetch. In her day it was all Silver Cross monsters anyway (lovely as they are). Honestly, it's enough for anyone to want to go home.

However I don't know much at all about PND. My only experience is a friend who suffered. She was having a terrible time. She'd had a traumatic birth like you but it was a lot more than that. She went onto drucks which made massive difference. However, as pol says, you're recognising that you're not right and that seems positive. I don't think my friend did and pol says she didn't so that seems like something important.

I must admit I've wondered it myself - I suppose because of the eternal crying - but speaking to the HV and asking what can be done, she says either drucks if it's really bad, or they do talk therapy if it's less bad. Well that itself made me feel better - I knew I wasn't in a position to need drucks and I couldn't be bothered to do the talking so decided it wasn't that bad!

Do you have the equivalent of a health visitor? Who can you talk it through with?

silver home made pickled beetroot sounds wonderful

Makes me remember my poor carrots didn't grow, although we did do well with the beetroot!

Anyone got a good fresh figs recipe? They all call for dried figs.