Dec 08 Ladies - LIghtning Strikes... and the usual gossip!

[Beans33]

Hope this works for everyone - I'm assuming Summer won't give birth in the next few hours!! x

Hello,
MIL and DH taken DD out for a walk so quick post from me before I have a little kip...

Hi trace!! Glad you had a good holiday. Very scary about the car incident but glad all ok.

I would say on the birth front I would think that if you are going to classes on hypnobirthing and practising it religiously then it is very likely that it will help. As long as she realises in addition that it will be massively painful still at the same time (unless she's very lucky!)

I too think the whole "doctors are the enemy" outlook is a bit severe a lot of the time, though I am dubious about some of the things they insist on (e.g they insisted on putting a canula in, didn't bloody tape it up properly it got all sweaty and bent and gross, and they only had to put another one in for the c-section anyway...grrr). Both times in hospital for me they didn't try and make you lie on your back and tried to encourage you to be active and help you find positions you were comfortable with.

I would say to your friend be open-minded and aware that however prepared you are things can still go wrong, and fast. I went from thinking I was just going into hospital for them to check my waters had broken to being on synto drip (which i really didn't want) to having a c-section first time round in the space of a few hours, and it was a bit of a shock, and not really much I could have done to avoid it I don't think. Chances are if she's dead set on a natural birth, etc, she will get it but be prepared for a small chance you might not do that's all, as it was a shock to me. I seem to remember we had had hardly any emergency CSes on here, and I didn't know any in real life I don't think, so I didn't think it would happen to me! Then around the time I had mine loads of people I knew ended up with them too, plus the other Christmas day babies on here.

I think part of the problem with preparing women for birth is that different people want to hear different things. For example, I would like to hear the truth - that it's going to hurt a lot and what my options are. Then I am quite good at thinking of it objectively and not actually worrying about the realities until the time comes. However, some people get really distressed at honest descriptions and would rather not know as they will just get stressed out. For these people maybe just being taught breathing techniques is maybe the best thing, and then they can deal with the realities when they come along!

Hmmmm....and tips for afterwards:

I would say - DON'T compare your babies sleeping endlessly with others of the same age. They are all different and try and go with the flow with what works for you. I wasted so much energy trying to figure out why DS would sleep as well as X or Y. Oh god and we had spreadsheets of when he slept and diagrams (done by DH I should add)

And don't try routine stuff for the first few weeks, if at all. at spot and her DH thinking about putting on cbeebies for their little newborn!!!

For me sleeping when the baby sleeps did work for the first few weeks at least.

Oh and getting out of the house every day and usually trying to meet someone for adult conversation was my golden rule during maternity leave, otherwise I would have gone mad!

ladyt that dietician stuff was very helpful. It was pretty similar but more detailed than what we were told by our HV. I should remind DH of it, as he totally does the opposite and spends maybe 40 minutes trying to persuade him to eat one thing, using bribery/praise, you name it. The thing is sometimes it works so he thinks it's the right thing to do! i spend maybe 10 mins trying to persaude him but not that hard, and I hardly ever succeed if it's not one of his favourites. Sigh. I don't think either of us gets that stressed out any more though. I dunno. Will maybe have to have a talk with DH about it when things have settled down. Am hoping now we have two and less time that ignoring whether he eats or not might kind of happen naturally if you see what I mean as we just won't have the time!

veggie sorry about your DS's pressie. But sure he will have a lovely birthday anyway.

I had better go now as I want to get that kip!

Well everything LadyT told me just went straight out the window & I had a major meltdown at the boys dinner. It drives me mad that DS1 refuses to eat the teeniest tiniest little bit of vegetable no matter how small I've cut it up yet if I whizzed it with the Braun he would eat it. Meanwhile DS2 who is 20 months happily sits and feeds himself big bits of broccoli and cauli and well anything else he can fit in. I'm having to cook 2 different meals for them & it's driving me made. It ended with DS1 & I in tears. We had a chat afterwards & I've agreed to let him pick food out but he needs to handle the food himself and put it on a separate plate (that's drawing on Ladys advice of handling the food).

Oh I cannot wait for mil to go home!!!!!
I can fuckibg hear her pontificating over breastfeeding to dh in the kitchen god knows what level of shite she's talking
she's so annoying! Insisted on cooking dinner which is nice but how much fuss can you make??? And the kitchen looks like bombs hit it and she's used about 6 pans

Seriously? six pans, what the hell is she cooking, moonshine? She has a problem with BF doesn't she, tell her to build a bridge, and get over it.

I think she thinks she's on master chef
I don't think she has a problem with bf but she thinks she's the world expert! I've been compared to a cow again as well. Cheers

Hello, sorry went AWOL there for a bit. Congratulations Summer ! And also to Katie, as well, and where has MoM gone (and WG) ? Its lovely to hear about the new babies.

Trace you sound so calm I think I would have been so cross if someone had nearly run me over....

LadyT I found the advice really interesting, my nephew had food issues and it was hard to see how it affected him and his family. It was very emotionally charged though, I think it is very hard to separate the two for some reason. How is your Dad ? And how is your book ?

I think I have been away so long I cant remember what else has been happening, which is rubbish, but rubes I hope DBgate is all sorted now.

Veggie I read what you said about winter with interest. I dread it, really. I love the light evenings, I think its the dark I cant cope with, not the cold :( I cant understand how anyone can love it. I love the contrast of the seasons but I dont think I would miss winter if it went away :)

Anyway, I have been really busy at work and I applied for a new job, and having 2 lots of counselling. I think I have nearly finished now but it has left little time for anything else. So glad I did it though, I mean no-one can be a perfect parent but I didnt want my kids to suffer because of anything in my past. I have really been enjoying them recently, had a couple of long bike rides with DS1 on his own and DS2 on the back of mine, made a house out of cardboard, several lego castles....

I've been starting to worry about how we will cope with childcare when they go to school but I should probably put that one away for a year or so.

Gotta go and cook dinner for tomorrow - Summer how long is MIL staying ?

Yeah NJAN a lot of my problem with winter is the darkness, DS1 is back at school and doing the school run, I can't help thinking that I'll be dropping him off in the morning dark later this year, and I miss bright sunny Christmas days.

Summer - I know. My mil seems to use every pot, pan and utensil in the kitchen when she is here fortunately she cleans up too though thank God!
Summer if she's causing you more stress than help, I'd have a quiet word to DH about making an excuse for her to have an early departure.

Gosh back now..... paused typing ages ago...

did gardening, dinner, fed both, bathed both (while bathing dd was getting pelted with rubber ducks by ds from his bath courtesy of dh teaching him that )
then dd went into a viscious cycle again.....
cry, feed, hiccup vomit, cry feed hiccup vomit....

Gotta go....!

Rubes fortunately she is going tomorrow!

I'm not sure why but whenever you lot talk of MILs it reminds of WG MIL with the Saturday morning toast tray cleaning ritual.

Oh & Trace I forgot to say sorry to hear of the crash I hope your not too shaken and thank goodness your both ok, is your arm healing. I had to laugh at you checking on the driver, but it must have really given him a shock to think what damage he could have done.

Right off to stealthily decorate DS1's room ready for him to wake in the morning! I can't believe this time 5 years ago my hind waters had just broken and my midwife was on the phone to me telling me to have a glass of wine and some paracetamol and try to get some sleep!

this is what i wrote in the middle of the night, only to find MN towers was backing up its servers. grrr...

trace - phew, glad you are ok - sounds v traumatic. and what a wonderful catch up - you put me to shame!

sl - thanks for your birthstory - really interesting from my potential vbac point of view, and well done for remaining so level headed about it all. sorry it didn't turn out the way you had wanted/envisaged, but as you say, you've got a gorgeous baby girl and that is all that matters. and as for MIL - sod her and her cow comments. honestly! by the time you read this, she may already have gone - yay!!!

NJAN - well done on the counselling - glad it has made such a difference. fingers crossed for the job!

trace - thanks for the reassurance about my HUGE state. scan on wednesday (i cannot believe i have waited this long - seems like ages) - and then we'll see if there is indeed a baby still in here. because if there isn't i want to know why i am the size of a house. the plan was not to tell people about number 2 until after the scan. ha ha. i simply can't hide it, so have basically told everyone i've seen face to face.

vg good luck for the big birthday surprise! you sound like such a wonderful mum - and i'm sorry you had a falling out about food with ds1 - glad you resolved it.

yet again, can't sleep. dh and i doing it in turns. generally he can't get to sleep - generally i wake up after 3 hours and then am up for the next 3. it's like tag team sleeping. madam, however, is blissfully quiet (first time in quite a few days). ugh ugh ugh. just eaten cheese on toast - seemed the only thing to do.

ps - i then ended up watching the end of maid in manhattan which i had recorded as pap to watch at just a time like this. verdict: drivel.

Hello wg sorry about the sleep. Sadly MIL is still here but she is taking DS to nursery with DH so I have peace.

This morning I got up and went downstairs to be sociable, 10 mins later DH comes down and him and MIL disappear to the kitchen and GET THEMSELVES BREAKFAST and come back in again, not offering any to me (breastfeeding on the sofa). Cheeky bloody gits, so I nicely but sarcastically point out that it was nice of DH to get me some breakfast too, and he does look guilty and goes and gets me some. However, MIL goes all silent. I bloody hope it was because she felt guilty too, not because she thinks I shouldn't boss around her perfect son, but sadly I think it's probably the latter....

Oh I can't wait for her to leave, it's just generally that I don't really feel relaxed in my own home, wondering what's going to wind me up next. And despite the fact that she says that she'll do "whatever" we are doing and help out she still gets miffed if she doesn't get what she wants, eg we say we're going to bed at 9 and if she wants a shower in our ensuite she has to have it now (but I don't WANT to go to BED at 9) OH FFFS.

OH NO!! They're back already!

WG - I was up between 4.30 and 5.30 - getting things out of perspective as usual. Of course, I feel fine now. Hey - good luck tomorrow, and bon courage.

Trace, I was so sorry to hear about your accident, that sounds absolutely awful. Thank heavens you were all ok, and glad you had a nice hol. I like board games as well but am no fun to play them with as I am ridiculously competitive when I play

Happy Birthday to Veggie's DS1! COuld you get him to talk about why he hates veggies? Are there any at all he likes? Would serving them raw help, or just sniffing, or chewing and then spitting out (in addition to the ones you blend) help break down the fear? Otherwise, my SIL bought me the 'Deceptively Delicious' cookbook by Jessica Seinfeld, which is all about sneaking veggies into recipes kids love. What about making tempura veggies or fritters? Just as a way of breaking down the barrier of eating them? I am sure you have tried all this, sorry!

How was your night, Rubes? Your folks come today, right? Have a lovely, lovely time and let me know if you are coming into London or Reading.

Summer, I hope you are now MIL free. How is the incision? Do you have the same stitches as last time? When I saw DP's sister last week, she was saying that she thought his attitude to his Mum had tainted my view of her, but yet I couldn't help noticing how she moaned about her all week/had a row with her/didn't want to stay there. Oh, and I think you are so right about people wanting to hear different things about birth. Like you, I don't want the sugar coating, I want to know what's in store so I can plan for it.

NJAN - good to see you. The book is on ice until the market picks up (says my agent, hmm). Dad is really so much better now, thanks. I am sorry you find winter such a grind, you are just like my Mum. I love all the seasons but I actually get excited when autumn comes and really enjoy the dark nights. Freaky, I know. I like jumpers and being cosy.

Right, must do some other stuff and MUST fit in some exercise today! I am much more nimble this time though, at the same stage. I can still bend over ok!

X-posted with you, Summer. That not feeling relaxed in your own home thing is familiar and a real bummer. I have said it before but when we actually have a house and a couple of spare bedrooms, rather than just a sofa bed in the living room, my MIL is going to be driving down all the bloody time and it is going to be horrendous, or HORRENDIOUS as I overheard a woman say in a restaurant the other day.

I am getting very antsy for my beloved eldest nephew. He is waiting for his A level results and has a place to do Law but has cocked up one of them, he thinks, due to his newly qualified teacher not doing the right syllabus or something. Trouble is, Law is such a competitive course that even if he gets As in the other two, dropping a couple of grades in the one will probably lose him his place. Oooh, I wish I could wave a magic wand for him!

Yay, she's gone, peace!! Hurrah!
HORRENDIOUS, I like it LadyT. Yes, same on the bigger house thing. MIL really likes our bigger house. She also likes the village we are in....and has been hinting that she is not that attached to where she lives...YIKES! In additino now we have a bigger house and garden she wants to bring the bloody DOG down. ARGH!! I like dogs but her dog is such a high maintenance PAIN IN THE ARSE.

Fingers crossed for your nephew.

Happy birthday to AK!!

Hey you talking about your waters going veggie reminded me of something that I never knew about labour - that if your waters have gone every time you have a contraction more waters come out. It is minging, but sort of makes you realise that something is definitely progressing as well at the same time. It was a bit of a shock to me.

Oh no and I didn't have the same stitches as before, the last time they didn't have to come out, this time they did, and it HURT, despite the midwife saying it wouldn't and me believing her (as I have had stitches out before and they didn't hurt). Glad they are out though as the ends of the stitches were rubbing.

wg what are you thinking about VBAC this time? Why did you end up with c-sec last time? If I had another DC I think I would just go straight for c-section, not that that is in the plan anyway. But I am glad I tried it this time.

Oooh, crikey, I am hoping for the melty stitches again then. Ugh. I think I have blocked some of the practicalities like that right out. Good they are out, though.

Someone tell me what 'transition' is when they have a moment. I presume it's when you move from one stage to another? Why is it bad? (God help me if I go into spontaneous labour as I know NOTHING about it).

(I meant good that the stitches are out, not that it's good that the practicalities are out of my mind).

Must stop chattering. Every day I wonder why I haven't got enough done!

LadyT: transition is going ftom the having contractions stage to pushing the baby out stage. It's normal to completely panic - this is when you start shouting at people and saying you can't do it. One theory is that your body needs the fear reflex to expel the baby. Dunno, but I went postal each time.

I think often they don't hurt actually. I guess they must have been stuck to my skin slightly. It wasn't mega painful anyway, just really quite stingy.

Transition is when you go from one stage to another. From what I've been told the contractions come one on top of another pretty much so you don't get a break and it all gets very scary. But I have never got that far .

If you go into labour presumably you will go to hospital and have a c-section though? Assuming things didn't happen super fast then.

Well, yes, that's the theory, but of course my hospital is in Paddington, 65 miles away, and DP could be in the middle of a trial or something, and I could have one of those super quick labours like a friend of mine did. My next scan to do the final check on dates isn't until 35 weeks and my section is currently booked in for 39+3, which, bearing in mind I reckon I am a few days ahead of that anyway, is a bit too close for my comfort!

MsLadyT you are not going to go into Labour so don't worry yourself. Effie you describing yourself as going postal made me laugh. Poor DH, when I went into transition I suddenly remembered watching some hippy Mexican homebirth DVD where the women looked into her husbands eyes during the transition, i decided as it was starting to get quite difficult during the contractions I'd give that a whirl. Up until then I'd been leaning on the pool edge with DH holding & massaging both my hands ala a birth massage technique we'd learnt (very effective actually). Suddenly for the next contraction I looked straight into DH's eyes, he handled it for about 10seconds then started looking shifty and glancing tight & left. After the contraction finished as scary as they were becoming I burst out laughing at DH's reaction to me looking deep into his eyes. Obviously 1 child and 4.5 years of marriage had taken it's toll on us and looking into each others eyes didn't elicit the same response it used to. I explained what I was doing and he was a rock after that looking straight back at me and in a way mirroring what I was feeling. I'm not sure why but it helped immensely to see that he could see exactly how I was feeling and hence he was so brilliant I let him name DS2. As hippy and wholemeal as it sounds it was completely amazing how it helped with that phase and really bought DH into the whole thing with me, made me feel less alone with it all. IYSWIM...oh I wanna do it again.

Go on Veggie, have another one. Because at some point the new babies are all going to dry up as everyone will have finished.

Oh crikey, transition sounds terrifying.

Trace, you were asking about a few people - Mom is in Canada for a while, Avo is on hols as is Syb, Katie has got her hands full with her new cottages and I don't know about Dora.

Yeah but you'd end up with another baby veggie!

I wonder how kayz is. She has abandoned us!

lady I went into spontaneous labour the night before my planned cs...I remember that I instanly started contracting (v painful, gosh I am a weed!!) and thought I would end up delivering before they could get me to theatre. I didn't and all was well...Don't panic you will be fine!

Hooray for *summers' departed MIL

..oh and happy birthday to AK who is great company as my Grandad is 80 today!