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Original poster

Best friend turned nasty & aggressive

242 replies

Shoes19 · 15/12/2019 09:32

At drinks yday with my best friend - we've been friends for 10 years - the conversation somehow turned to politics. I said I was pleased we at least got a majority Gov. as it brings stability (which others I know have voted differently to me agree with).

My BF said in an angry voice "did you vote tory? i have lost all respect for you" . i didnt say i had but was so taken aback by her sudden nasty & angry attitude my silence revealed it. I said i guess you voted labour (her response "YES!)". I tried to explain my reasons, incl. it took me until election day to decide as i was so undecided, & i live in a really safe tory seat & doubt one vote would make a difference to the eventual result.

She wouldn't let me even say one word about why i voted the way i did to explain my position, incl. i voted tory reluctantly. I tried to explain that I didn't agree with Labour or Corbyn (the socialist policies etc. and that the IFS said Labour will bankrupt this country) and I really did not want Corybn to be PM; nor did I agree with Lib dem position on brexit (i voted remain but as a democratic accept & respect the result and want brexit done).

I remained calm (never raised my voice or got angry or nasty) & said i didn't want to fall out with her over this as she is my closest friend and she said "you're my best friend but i have lost all respect for you"in an angry voice. I said it was ridiculous that this was happening i.e. she was turning nasty on me her friend and seemed to be falling out with me, her response was in a passive aggressive tone 'it's ridiculous is it?". I said i respect the way she voted and clearly we were equal in that we didn't agree with the other's vote, and let's not ruin a good day over this.

She sat with a face like thunder & was really nasty & aggressive. Even when i said let's change the subject, she just sat there and stared straight at me, making me feel uncomfortable. I said this felt really awkward now. And I had to think of random subjects to talk about i.e. anything good you've seen on tv to which she stated a program and then added but BBC will go. Other things she said was when this country goes down & when the NHS is sold and we get a no deal Brexit that is on me. I think she may have called me a nazi (it sounded like it). I've never seen this side to her but she was really angry, nasty and passive aggressive when responding to my questions.

We are supposed to be having xmas drinks with another friend this week but 1) i am not sure i want to go 2) don't know or care how the other friend voted (i suspect labour) & don't want the two of them to become nasty to me, and 3) i don't even know whether i am her friend anymore. I have decided that if i do go & at any point she/they turn on me i will politely say I think i will call it a night and I honestly wish you both a lovely Xmas, and leave.

I am hurt by her stance towards me and some of the things she said to me, esp as she was my closest friend. And i am not sure what i should do, i would like her to apologise for how she made me feel & for turning so nasty....I don't think she will. I know I would apologise if I was her as i would not treat someone like that & would respect people's votes...this country is a democracy & people should vote how they want without receiving abuse etc. I am just taken aback at immature, nasty & aggressive attitude - we're both 36 too so adults. I have and will try and remain civil but am not sure whether this puts a dent in our relationship

OP posts:
Loopytiles · 17/12/2019 06:58

Boris Johnson closing down Parliament illegally to shut down debate went well beyond ordinary politics and was authoritarian behaviour. V worrying indeed, especially with a weak opposition.

CaptainMarvelDanvers · 17/12/2019 07:00

I think that Tory voters and Labour voters all want the same end game, they just believe in different ways to get there.

Tigger83 · 17/12/2019 07:03

Some of these replies are ridiculous a Tory voter is the same person they were before they voted. It just doesn't fulfill the Labour rhetoric that all Tory voters are evil and so makes them project that on people. The election has happened, just as the referendum happened. It's now time to get on with the democratic process and if you feel passionately about something then work to make a difference and influence!

Friends falling out over politics is just really sad. It actually shows your friend in a really bad light that she's unable to engage in civilised debate, the corner stone of our society, without resorting to mud slinging. Irrespective of my political motivation I would be questioning my friendship with someone who felt it was appropriate to attack me.

NewNameGuy · 17/12/2019 07:04

OP your friend is a brainless cow

Kljnmw3459 · 17/12/2019 07:05

I love discussing politics with those who disagree with me, it's eye opening to hear how many vote "against" something. My favourites are the ones who base their vote on hearsay or because they don't agree with one lay persons choices and don't want to "fund" them.

Laterthanyouthink · 17/12/2019 07:26

IFS is it as objective as you may think!

www.opendemocracy.net/en/oureconomy/we-need-talk-about-institute-fiscal-studies/

LynetteScavo · 17/12/2019 07:26

Best not to go out fir drinks with her.

I've lost respect for some people this week. I would never tell them, but neither would I particularly want to go for Christmas drinks with them.

Laterthanyouthink · 17/12/2019 07:29

And here is Johnson's first move to stifle debate and opposition by making a Brexit extension illegal

www.bbc.co.uk/news/election-2019-50818134

PerkingFaintly · 17/12/2019 08:18

Why do you think you have the right to pass judgment on anyone’s choice in a democratic election?

WTF?

Since when did we lose the right to form opinions on people, based on their actions?

Of course the OP and all the rest of us had the right to vote for whom we liked. And other people have the right to form opinions of us based on the things we say and do.

I've seen a number of posters trying to police other people's thought like this, this week.

Not "How could you think that? Let me try to change your mind," but simply, "You have no right to have your own opinion."

The irony of you calling other posters authoritarian!

It's like the weirder reaches of the freespeechers, who confuse their right to say things, with a right to be agreed with or liked for saying things. Nope. Free speech means you have a legal right to say things without being arrested; other people are still free to form opinions of you based on what you say; and are even allowed to say things in return. Cos, free speech. Who knew.

LimitIsUp · 17/12/2019 08:22

I suspect a couple of my friends may be tories. We tacitly agree not to discuss politics - ever. I would struggle to be civil if the subject came up

lovesmarties · 17/12/2019 09:11

I suspect a couple of my friends may be tories. We tacitly agree not to discuss politics - ever. I would struggle to be civil if the subject came up.

I know one of my friends is a Corbynista. I will not discuss politics with him as I know I would struggle to be civil. The fact that Corbyn and McDonnell enthusiastically got into bed with Irish Republican terrorists is so beyond the pale that I would cut off my right hand rather than vote for any party led by them:

www.telegraph.co.uk/news/politics/Jeremy_Corbyn/11924431/Revealed-Jeremy-Corbyn-and-John-McDonnells-close-IRA-links.html

LimitIsUp · 17/12/2019 10:32

Don't assume I am Momentum. I'm not a Labour Party member (although I have voted Labour in the past), I am a tactical voter on the soft left and oscillate between Lib Dems and Labour, but never Conservative (my formative years under Thatcher has seen to that). I really can't understand how anyone can bring themselves to vote for the current Conservative party who have no moral compass and are scarily untrustworthy. I didn't have the same visceral hatred of John Major's government nor David Cameron's

CatherineOfAragonsPrayerBook · 17/12/2019 10:48

I really can't understand how anyone can bring themselves to vote for the current Conservative party who have no moral compass and are scarily untrustworthy.

This is the crux of it for me. I have to question the moral compass of someone willing to overlook all that and actively go out and still vote for them. Worse, it's the message that's now been sent to these people that we don't care how dirty they are, they are bullet proof.

And I worry about the message it gives to my children and the precedent it sets for their future leaders. What example are we setting? It starts with us.

lovesmarties · 17/12/2019 11:55

I really can't understand how anyone can bring themselves to vote for the current Conservative party, who have no moral compass.

I have to question the moral compass of someone willing to overlook all that and actively go out and still vote for them.

Are you both happy that Corbyn and McDonnell were in bed with the IRA? Or do you pretend not to notice?

Get some moderates in charge of the Labour Party, rather than Leftist extremists, and the majority of the electorate might listen to them.

bellinisurge · 17/12/2019 12:01

Everyone should realise that people made a judgment call on what they thought was the "least worst". People in old mining towns voting Tory did not do so lightly. It was heartbreaking for a lot of people to make this call. They felt so abandoned by Labour. These are communities that were utterly devastated by the effects of Thatcherism. None of them needs a lesson in what the Tories can do.
Someone having a hissy fit about a friend making a different call to them needs to grow the fuck up.

dkl55 · 17/12/2019 12:18

@GCAcademic - everything you say!! Fan-girling about your posts. 👏

dkl55 · 17/12/2019 12:24

& @bellinisurge ... you too 👍🏻
My feeling is that (from discussions with friends who thought labour voters switching were "stupid") - is that, very generally - middle class voters have very very different concerns to those that are less well off and don't live in big cities. Hence the very different vote. It's not the inability to "see" something - it's just the very different life experience that people are living that affects their choice. Personally I don't agree with Tory policy and I voted remain. However, I don't live in a town that has suffered over many years, whether our government was labour OR Tory. People want to be heard, want jobs and investment, not handouts. And they believe that Brexit mighty help that. Of course thats not necessarily true - but it's not necessarily untrue either. No one really knows the long term result. Either way, the Tory party was the only one that promised to listen. That and the self righteous hectoring didn't help.

SalrycLuxx · 17/12/2019 12:46

Not because I trust his honesty, but his self-interest

People act out of self interest. It is extremely rare that anyone has purely altruistic motivations.

The left needs to learn to listen to others’ motivations, hopes and dreams, work out how to actually engage with that, and cease these pathetic attacks on those who don’t share their perspectives.

Or they can just sit tight in their little self-reinforcing bubbles and we can watch the end of labour forever.

SalrycLuxx · 17/12/2019 12:52

how anyone can bring themselves to vote for the current Conservative party, who have no moral compass.

Looking at the many antisemitism issues including the hounding out of Jewish MPs, connections with hamas, Keith vaz, Fiona onasanya, and the Iraq war, I’m going to take the view that Labour has no god given right to claim a moral compass.

CatherineOfAragonsPrayerBook · 17/12/2019 13:25

People in old mining towns voting Tory did not do so lightly. It was heartbreaking for a lot of people to make this call. They felt so abandoned by Labour. These are communities that were utterly devastated by the effects of Thatcherism

So they voted for a continuence of Thatcherite policies? That's not stupid. That makes sense. A bit like someone returning to their formerly abusive husband, because although the new husband doesn't abuse them, he doesn't give them all the things they either. Oh except for Brexit of course.Hmm

Turkeys, xmas.

CatherineOfAragonsPrayerBook · 17/12/2019 13:26

*They want

bellinisurge · 17/12/2019 13:41

Very patronising @CatherineOfAragonsPrayerBook .

SushiForBreakfast · 17/12/2019 13:51

OP-how totally immature and pathetic of her. And I say that as a Labour voter!!!

I completely agree with the poster above - this election has brought out the worst in people. On both sides. As a nation we have to accept that people will have differing political sympathies otherwise we'll never move forward...

I would steer clear of your friend and keep your head held high.

ReanimatedSGB · 17/12/2019 15:03

The conservatives basically weaponised bigotry and racism in the areas where there are few immigrants and few people who aren't white. It's easier to either actively demonise or just write off as irrelevant huge groups of people if the only thing you know about them is that they are Not Like You. And there is no more frightening manifestation of identity politics than the right's fixation on the White Working Class.

CendrillonSings · 17/12/2019 15:06

The conservatives basically weaponised bigotry and racism

Labour is the only party - other than the BNP - ever to be investigated for institutional racism by the EHRC. That report is due in the near future, and it won’t be pretty...