Best friend turned nasty & aggressive

[Shoes19]

At drinks yday with my best friend - we've been friends for 10 years - the conversation somehow turned to politics. I said I was pleased we at least got a majority Gov. as it brings stability (which others I know have voted differently to me agree with).

My BF said in an angry voice "did you vote tory? i have lost all respect for you" . i didnt say i had but was so taken aback by her sudden nasty & angry attitude my silence revealed it. I said i guess you voted labour (her response "YES!)". I tried to explain my reasons, incl. it took me until election day to decide as i was so undecided, & i live in a really safe tory seat & doubt one vote would make a difference to the eventual result.

She wouldn't let me even say one word about why i voted the way i did to explain my position, incl. i voted tory reluctantly. I tried to explain that I didn't agree with Labour or Corbyn (the socialist policies etc. and that the IFS said Labour will bankrupt this country) and I really did not want Corybn to be PM; nor did I agree with Lib dem position on brexit (i voted remain but as a democratic accept & respect the result and want brexit done).

I remained calm (never raised my voice or got angry or nasty) & said i didn't want to fall out with her over this as she is my closest friend and she said "you're my best friend but i have lost all respect for you"in an angry voice. I said it was ridiculous that this was happening i.e. she was turning nasty on me her friend and seemed to be falling out with me, her response was in a passive aggressive tone 'it's ridiculous is it?". I said i respect the way she voted and clearly we were equal in that we didn't agree with the other's vote, and let's not ruin a good day over this.

She sat with a face like thunder & was really nasty & aggressive. Even when i said let's change the subject, she just sat there and stared straight at me, making me feel uncomfortable. I said this felt really awkward now. And I had to think of random subjects to talk about i.e. anything good you've seen on tv to which she stated a program and then added but BBC will go. Other things she said was when this country goes down & when the NHS is sold and we get a no deal Brexit that is on me. I think she may have called me a nazi (it sounded like it). I've never seen this side to her but she was really angry, nasty and passive aggressive when responding to my questions.

We are supposed to be having xmas drinks with another friend this week but 1) i am not sure i want to go 2) don't know or care how the other friend voted (i suspect labour) & don't want the two of them to become nasty to me, and 3) i don't even know whether i am her friend anymore. I have decided that if i do go & at any point she/they turn on me i will politely say I think i will call it a night and I honestly wish you both a lovely Xmas, and leave.

I am hurt by her stance towards me and some of the things she said to me, esp as she was my closest friend. And i am not sure what i should do, i would like her to apologise for how she made me feel & for turning so nasty....I don't think she will. I know I would apologise if I was her as i would not treat someone like that & would respect people's votes...this country is a democracy & people should vote how they want without receiving abuse etc. I am just taken aback at immature, nasty & aggressive attitude - we're both 36 too so adults. I have and will try and remain civil but am not sure whether this puts a dent in our relationship

And the divisions aren't magically going to go away because the Tories have a majority of seats. It won't change the fact that round about half the country still hates them and still doesn't want to leave the EU. Which is what makes right-wingers' obsession with The People so unnerving. You're not The People, you're about half the population, and the half who disagree with you are still people.

Your friend is not being kind ... but I do admit that I can’t spend much time with people who I know voted Tory at the moment. The current Tories epitomise everything I detest and they’re going to push through the hardest of all Brexits - which distresses me greatly for many personal reasons. I’m avoiding known Tories until I have calmed down somewhat.

And the divisions aren't magically going to go away because the Tories have a majority of seats. It won't change the fact that round about half the country still hates them and still doesn't want to leave the EU. Which is what makes right-wingers' obsession with The People so unnerving. You're not The People, you're about half the population, and the half who disagree with you are still people.

The Tories just won a higher share of the vote than Blair did in 1997. Did you go around making this same argument about the majority who didn’t want Labour then? I suspect not.

I've watched friends from childhood (now in their 60s) fall out terminally over Brexit. Now it seems more people are prepared to lose friends over this election.

It's really hard to see the polarisation of this country. And while it might be Labour voters angry at the moment, there's been plenty of anger evident from the right wing in recent times.
This thread itself shows how difficult it's going to be to i reunite this country.

Still, thanks for joining MN just to share that with us, OP.

I wonder if she is demanding everyone she knows tells her how they voted?

I totally get that some people can't square being friends with someone who votes differently. However, if she doesn't know how a person has voted, does she just assume that they think like she does? Presumably, until it came up, she assumed you voted the same way she did?

It sounds like a huge overreaction. I have got to the stage where the only person that knows how I vote is DH. I just refuse to discuss it anymore.

I've known people who fell out over football, over a hen do, over dinner in a restaurant, so why not politics?

Sore loser throwing her toys out of her
Pram! Not really a friend at least you've seen her for what she is.
People in Britain should be grateful we live in a democracy rather than a dictatorship.
Really some people need to MOVE ON & show some respect & manners!
Tories are the majority lots of people feel the same so she has to accept that!

Not because I trust his honesty, but his self-interest - which we Tories know is a much more powerful force.

Well I certainly hope you're right!

(you've managed to get me rallying for self interest somehow. You Tories are a corrupting influence . Here's to self-interest

Op you do know that the IFS has an agenda, don't you? www.taxresearch.org.uk/Blog/2019/11/23/the-institute-for-fiscal-studies-is-a-reactionary-force-in-economics/

There was no need for your friend to be rude but to be honest on Friday if I had found that a good friend of mine had voted tory I would have been very angry too.

@tallulahwullah No, people don't need to show 'respect' to those whose views they think are obnoxious and unethical. And people are certainly not going to 'move on'. People can't, because they need to figure out ways to protect themselves and their friends from the government - and ways to obstruct it in the future.

Spot on, SGB. I won't ever show 'respect' for this government or 'move on' from their destructive policies.

God bless you, OP. You did the right thing.

The Left can have their monopoly on angry, loudmouthed sanctimoniousness. Those of us who vote Conservative can have the satisfaction of knowing that we are keeping the country on its feet.

My closest friend has recently begun spouting pro-Corbyn nonsense. I metaphorically roll my eyes and ignore it all, putting it down to a mid-life crisis.

I'm beginning to think that all the Tory voters whining about the 'nastiness' of Labour voters are not just projecting, but engaging in magical thinking - if they make enough noise, they can drown out that little internal voice that keeps inconveniently reminding them that they have enabled fascism, and that being compliant with fascism will not protect them from it in the long run.

I'd have lost all respect for you too.
But I probably would have taken myself out for some air or walked away from you.

I'd like to think I could have held it together to walk away...but then I don't actually know if I could have to be honest.

that they have enabled fascism

The Conservatives have just won an 80 seat majority, including constituencies that had voted Labour for a hundred years Your political and historical illiteracy is tiresome. Another Godwin fail. The rabid, authoritarian left wing on this thread is an ugly sight. Labour will languish in the wilderness for years unless it deals with the intolerant poison in its ranks

I dont think she should of been so mean.
But tbh if I found out my best friend had voted for a man who thinks me and my family are scum and were happy for us to starve I would think she thought the same too and it would ruin our friendship.

Unfortunately there is a lot of this going on at the moment and facebook is absolutely horrific with friendships of 50 years being ended because someone voted Tory.
I think it's ridiculous, if your friend doesn't want a democracy maybe she should try living somewhere without one.
If she treats you like this she isn't a friend.

I too would find it hard to accept your reasons. They seem very very weak.

I never thought of myself as particularly political. But the Tory's and what they are doing to our NHS, austerity measures etc, I can't condone.

Probably best to take a break from each other right now.

I too would find it hard to accept your reasons. They seem very very weak

Why do you think you have the right to pass judgment on anyone’s choice in a democratic election? Are your social groups so narrow that you never encounter anybody who doesn’t vote like you? Who disagrees with your politics? Do you inhabit an echo chamber?

This is all now really beginning to piss me off. All these Labour voters are attempting to command the moral high ground as being the caring party, yet willing to insult and hector anyone they perceive as thick enough to have voted differently.

^This. The party has been colonised by spoilt middle class brats, obsessed with narcissistic identity politics, who have turned it into a club that provides them with self-righteousness and an opportunity to leverage moral outrage as a means to accrue more power to themselves. These people don’t actually give a crap about the “less fortunate”, beyond the opportunity that these unwashed masses provide for them to spew abuse at others under the guise of moral authority. You only have to look at how quickly they turned on them calling them thick and racist, and hoping that they would suffer, when they didn’t vote as they were told. Labour are the nasty party now.

Oh, and I didn’t vote Tory. But, as a longtime Labour voter, if forced to choose between them, I’d sooner vote Tory than for Labour in its current state.

These people don’t actually give a crap about the “less fortunate”, beyond the opportunity that these unwashed masses provide for them to spew abuse at others under the guise of moral authority. You only have to look at how quickly they turned on them calling them thick and racist, and hoping that they would suffer, when they didn’t vote as they were told. Labour are the nasty party now

GC I totally agree. It’s just dire. Don’t they realize how bigoted and authoritarian they appear? The lack of self awareness is staggering

that they have enabled fascism

Get a bloody grip. Words have meanings, you know.

What has fuelled the toxic climate in this country is three years of people telling Brexit voters that they are scum and trying to block it from happening. Things had the potential to get very dangerous indeed if that situation had carried on for much longer or if the Stop Brexit crowd had got their way. I say that as someone who voted Remain.

I didn’t vote Labour, never would whilst momentum has control, am not a party member and would not ask about or harangue anyone for their voting choice.

But I have no close friends who (at least as far as I’m aware) vote Conservative. I live in an area with a large Tory majority and have lots of acquaintances who I imagine do. We clearly have very different opinions on a range of matters, perhaps is among the things meaning we’re acquaintances not friends. Many other things matter in friendships / romantic relationships too, of course.

A few family members vote Conservative. I dislike and avoid discussing politics with them because I disagree with their espoused views, eg on immigration, tax and brexit, and don’t see the point in debating as we’re unlikely to change each other’s views.

“Kinder, gentler politics”- unless you disagree with us.

The intolerance on the left is bloody frightening at the moment.