Should my por n addict Christian husband continue preaching?

[Snooozley]

M husband is devout Christian preacher, but i inadvertently found out about his secret por n addiction, virtual sex with cam girls and huge debts on two secret credit cards... He brushes it off with being a sinner and Jesus forgives his sin... He has been defrauding our joint bank account for months. At same time he preaches in church. He isn't a pastor, so it's just the odd sermon.

I challenged him how he could preach in pulpit whilst knowingly lying to his wife and stealing and committing virtual adultery. First he has blamed me and then the devil for his por n addiction... He negated The ten commandments, thou shalt not steal and thou shalt not commit adultery. He also negates the part in New testament about lust and adultery. He claims old testament superseded by new and Paul was a person conflicted by sexual immorality. He also went as far to say that John Wesley had sexual sin... In his deflecting and gas lighting I feel he is also being abusive to me... But I know he is doing this to deflect from his guilt.I

I've been a bit broken for the last six weeks, but am 're emerging with help of my faith. I know my husband is lying to himself. What's worse he keeps preaching to me.. Said something about woman at well bible story... Tell me I'm not crazy, that my husband is manipulating the bible to suit his selfish needs...even if he has stopped por n use, he is not the man I thought he was... And that's shocking

@Snooozley Thanks for the update and great to hear about your new job. The Minister's reaction is definitely a red flag, I would strongly advise removing yourself from this church and finding one that has proper safeguarding in place. It's a pity your husband can't see the error of his ways; hopefully the separation may give him some time for self reflection. God bless, I hope everything turns out for the best.

I agree with Vincit and Tribal. This isn't just about him, and you. There's a raft of red flags there.

Eugh, yuck, what a situation @Snooozley
Would you be able to leave him financially?
If he objects to divorce say that Jesus forgives you. This sounds like an intolerable situation.

We do all sin. But he doesn't seem to be making much effort to stop it. And he doesn't seem like a good husband.

Well much has happened since I began this thread. We separated for three months and it was painful. He was visiting dad... Then I felt lonely so we got back together at christmas.. Id forgotten about his abusive behaviour. He ha d some divine revelation and made commitment to give up porn....he admitted he could be addict..gave up six weeks. We were ok. I didn't mention the subject again... Then we went to psychosexu all therapy first session two weeks ago... Horrendous... He was the other character..por n addict... Entitled, gaslightin g, even in meeting.. Invalidating me. Denying my truth. Minimising what he did... I decided there and then I couldn't stay with him... Then two weeks arguing on text... He's been back to por n again, still going to continue therapy and try and stop... But it's the blamin, gaslighting, he's the victim more mentality again... I was back on anxiety meds and I've thought enough is enough... I've gone no contact now... I have had a crazy course in addiction, gaslighting, darvo.... Did not know these terms six months ago... I think I may have been a victim of sexual abuse and coercion although it seems a little strong to say that, but I see it now... I am not on meds now. He is in his lodgings. He hasn't preached for months and minister is looking after him... I have been allocated pastoral worker..had conversation with her today... I can see it clearer now and explain better the dynamics...I was too stressed and confused before.. I think safeguarding may have kicked in before this because they wont let him preach. It's not a happy ending but at least I see he is currently unsafe emotionally for me.. My new job is going well... Not enough money to be financially independent yet, but I can start saving. Thanks all for your support when I needed it.

@Snooozley Please steer clear of him. You're doing the right thing. I'm not surprised that a 'p*rn addict' was also sexually abusive/coercive.

I found The Freedom Programme good- go to a group rather than do the online course. I highly recommend it. www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/

Also EMDR therapy to help with the trauma of all you've been through.

@Snooozley - thanks for the update. I’m so sorry about the bad experiences you’ve had. You have tried your best - if you find the therapy positive for you, then continue; but don’t do it because of him - you are looking after your kids and yourself and have already been through so much.

I think not having contact and moving on with your life is good. Well done for switching job and persevering. You and your kids will be better off in the long term. Sending you prayers and best wishes.