Are there any Stoics here?

[ThorsBedazzler]

Does anyone else follow Stoicism here?

I'm an atheist, and happy with that. But having read Derren Brown's book "Happy" and read around stoicism, I've found a way of living that makes sense to me.

It has helped me focus less on other people, and more on what in m life i can control. I'm struggling at the moment with a run of unconnected but inconvenient events but have found it easier to bounce back because I've accepted that things happen, it isn't a cosmic plan against me, I'm not a victim.

I'm planning on reading Marcus Aurelius' Meditations (have read excerpts before) and Seneca too. It just seems a sensible way to approach life to me.

Anyone else?

I haven't read about it for years, but probably loosely follow it.

I think more in terms of radical acceptance, if I were looking for a name for it.

I would caution you about self care, though. I have ploughed on through difficult situations, burning the candle at both ends to meet all my obligations, knowing if I just power through it'll be alright in the end. I burnt out and now have to be far more careful with pacing and self care. I now have fibromyalgia which I think is a direct result of putting my own needs last for too long.

I have the daily stoic and try to adopt some of it.

I certainly find it helpful, especially in separating from others.

What's the daily stoic?

The Daily Stoic is a book by Ryan Holliday. It has 365 short chapters which consist of a quote from one of the Stoic writers and Holliday’s reflection on that. I sometimes read one and write my own reflection in my diary.

Ive only this year become more interested in Stoicism. I’ve been reading Marcus Aurelius’ Meditations

I have The Daily Stoic too. I don't 'follow' it as such, but I find a lot of it to be common sense, especially the Marcus Aurelius quotes. Some of it is pretty obvious stuff imo, but some of it does make you think.

Hello!

thanks for the replies!

I've found myself getting more interested in stoicism essentially as a decision to stop feeling sorry for myself, to stop dwelling on the negatives. The idea not to stress over things outwith my control has been really helpful for me as has not worrying about things that haven't happened. Having control over my actions and reactions only is helpful for me.

I'm much happier now. I come from a long line of self-martyrd women and it was sending me in a downward spiral. The last two and a bit years have been pretty rubbish, on top of the usual cycle of my mother refusing to talk to me and then verbally lashing out over things she has imagined I might have said, I've had covid twice, my MIL had alzheimers induced crises (long story resulting in my FIL needing DH to stay for almost a fortnight each time) then she died last summer, my mother escalated her not talking to me and tried to stop my dad talking to me, DH had a nervous breakdown (I've not told anyone this), we both started new jobs, trying to sell our house and buy a house...

It's a series of events that previously I would have convinced myself was a sign that everything gos badly for me, how can I cope, poor me, poor me and poor me. But the reality is that it has been a series of largely unconnected stuff, we cope but look after ourselves much more now.

I found Derren Brown's "Happy" to be exactly what I needed to read last year (post MIL death and pre DH breakdown). I'm generally a resilient person, have had counselling in the past and feel that I've found something that chimes with me.

I'm also quite civic minded and have work and have volunteered in this way.

I don't have the daily stoic but do follow in Instagram. I like the posts as they are good wee reminders.

@ThorsBedazzler I'm like you in the fact I've turned to Stoicism to help me become more resilient in the face of various negative life events. I want to be able to not take things personally, and to become more detached. I've studied Taoism in the past and I find that they are complimentary to each other.

I've signed up for the Daily Stoic newsletters which I get every day. (I ignore the requests to do the courses and buy stuff though) and sometimes watch some YouTube stoic videos. I've just started meditating again, which I find quite difficult as I have the attention span of a gnat! I feel trapped if I have to sit still for too long, so I try to practice more mindfulness during the day.

Yes and it has been useful for me. I am far more settled and content.

Thanks for sharing. I think the Daily Stoic newsletter would be useful, will sign up!

Also need to remind myself that its time to get up and get on with the job of being a human!

Yes. I’m not the most academic of followers, but I’ve done stoic-con once, have read / listened to lot of the modern stoics, and am working up to the oldies. I’ve dipped in and out of the Meditations, a fair amount of Epictetus, have Seneca’s essays - but tbh I find it more educational to listen / read with a guide. I listen to lot of podcasts. Massimo Pugliucci How to be a Stoic was my entry, and I go back to it often. I prefer that he’s not American 🤷‍♀️ And I really have little patience for the stoic ’bros’ that pop up on SMS.

The two big lessons for me are dichotomy of control and acceptance / detachment from outcomes. I grew up with a mother who was all about control, anxiety, low self- esteem and desperately trying to control every outcome. Being told it was okay to step away from things that are outside my control was hugely, massively liberating for me, it still blows my mind when I remember that feeling of relief that I didn’t have to try and control everything and the calmness that follows. My dad is a bit of a natural stoic (and maybe unsurprisingly he is Scottish and was a psychiatric nurse for a long time (have you come across Donald Robertson?)) so I try to model myself on him. My mum and my sister have accused us of being ‘cold fish’ at times: my colleague tells me I’m cool as a cucumber, so I’m going to take that complement 😎

i really need to work on ways to build on what I’ve learned. I feel like I can talk the talk, but I don’t walk the walk - I don’t meditate, journal, or practice mindfulness. I’ve got the big lessons pretty well - but I could do a lot more.

@workwoes123 I think you just described my upbringing 😁

I need to do more meditation and mindfulness I think, but the letting go of trying to control or worry about things outwith my control has been freeing.

I use The Fabulous app, that's where I first found out about Stoicism really. The app starts off free then is about £30 a year, and there was one learning journey about stoicism that had quotes and lessons from the oldies as well as Derren Brown. There was also a link to a YouTube video of an American lecturer who was terminally ill and doing his last lecture (I think it was part of a lecture series where others, not ill, gave what they thought was their best lecture or something...) and there was a lot of things in there that clicked with me.

I will see if I can find it!

Will also look up Donald Robertson. And Massimo Pugliuicci - I have one of his books on my amazon wishlist but have been looking for a second hand copy most likely out of stubbornness...

Any road, it's interesting to see other people's experiences! Thanks for sharing.

Yes. The daily Stoic quote a week or so ago was from Marcus Aurelius saying that we’re not here to snuggle under the bed sheets. I absolutely loved the idea that 2000 years ago people didn’t want to get up in the morning! Since then I’m becoming more disciplined getting up at 6 am, writing in my diary and doing a brief guided meditation (very brief at this stage!) instead of lying in my bed checking emails and looking at Mumsnet. Find that it’s making me more self-disciplined in other ways.

Thank you @workwoes123 I’ll definitely check out Massimo Pugliuicci :)

Randy Pausch last lecture:

workwoes it sounds like you have achieved all my goals already.

now may I have them back please? 😂

This is something my partner is into, and I really want to get into! As I feel I'm not living life the way I should due to worrying about hypotheticals.. where should someone like me start? Any resources you can recommend? Xx

@kitchenboard I really liked Derren Brown's book "Happy" - it felt like quite a gentle introduction into stoicism and just gave me a good shake that actually, life is pretty much ok. I went from there! But still v much learning.

Hello! Recently I read 'A Guide To The Good Life: The Ancient Art Of Stoic Joy' by William B Irvine. I found it useful with a tricky work situation recently.
I may look into the daily stoic.
My dad was a very pragmatic sort and I'm pleased to have inherited some of his traits. I think he'd have been a great Stoic.
I've found it very helpful in not worrying so much about what people think of me. That's something that never appeared to trouble dad, bless him

Has anyone found stoicism linking to success and/or self discipline? I was hoping it would be a good basis for those things but interesting to see that reviews of Derren Brown Happy mention he doesn’t think goal setting is a good idea. Appreciate reviews are not a great guide of course.

There's the theory that if something can be done by a human, there's no reason why I can't do it. (And also if something can be endured by a human, then I can endure it). It did actually help me - It gave me the confidence to apply for a job that I thought I wouldn't have a chance in getting, but if it was advertised and I met the essential requirements then no reason not to apply. I'm now 4 months into the role!

I don't set goals really - I never really was someone who had a 5 or 10 year plan for example. But I do use stoicism to remind myself that if a person can do something, I can do it.

Again, with self discipline I have told myself there are certain things I need to do every day. I use the Fabulous app to check all this off. I drink water, take vitamins, exercise regularly, stretch... stuff that helps me function basically!

I don't see Happy as a self-help book really, he debunks a lot of that genre! But he spoke to me in terms of accepting that I can control what is in my control, comparisons to others aren't useful, and so on.

I've started reading Happy and I'm in love with it so far. I've read self-help books all my life and even believed in Law of Attraction. Now I can see why I did and why it's not true..

I've found myself quite drawn to this, but need to do more reading around it. I have the Derren Brown book referenced about, so could start with a book I actually own, before buying more books!

Thanks OP

tbh I have been coasting in many ways for years now and want to do more. I don’t read self help really but goal setting seems quite fundamental.

@ThorsBedazzler that last update sounds very interesting. Ive just remembered that I listened to Derren Brown on a podcast, and he mentioned the William B Irvine book I referred to upthread. Must buy Happy too.
I like the notion of taking on what parts of Stoicism suit. I'd never describe myself as a Stoic, but I find some of the philosophy very useful. Definitely helps with self discipline due to the idea of accepting discomfort as part of life. It's certainly helped me with the current hot weather.
Accepting others as they are and not getting wound up about it seems to be key as well. You can only work on yourself. You may not be the best, but you can be your best.
I'm not a goal setter either. I prefer to work with my values, and see where that takes me. Developing routines which take me forward. So I imagine if you were to be a goal setter, Stoicism would give you the self discipline tools to get there.
Interesting threa 🙂

It might be worth a look for you anyway if you feel you're coasting. You might find this useful: www.zenhabits/goal
It seems that some people are moving towards different ways of achieving things.