Are there any Stoics here?

[ThorsBedazzler]

Does anyone else follow Stoicism here?

I'm an atheist, and happy with that. But having read Derren Brown's book "Happy" and read around stoicism, I've found a way of living that makes sense to me.

It has helped me focus less on other people, and more on what in m life i can control. I'm struggling at the moment with a run of unconnected but inconvenient events but have found it easier to bounce back because I've accepted that things happen, it isn't a cosmic plan against me, I'm not a victim.

I'm planning on reading Marcus Aurelius' Meditations (have read excerpts before) and Seneca too. It just seems a sensible way to approach life to me.

Anyone else?

I am such a bad stoic at dealing with physical suffering. I won’t bore you with all the detail but I’ve had one medical thing after another in the last 9 months (COVID x 2, herniated discs / sciatica, tendinitis in my shoulders, polyp removal operation, diagnosed with severe anaemia, given horrible iron supplements, recurrent thrush after the op 🙄). Plus a stupid amount of budget travelling to see family (we live in France, they are U.K.), and the temperatures in France this summer 🥵 I found incredibly hard work. Even the fun things (diving holiday in Italy) were an endurance test due to heat and general exhaustion. And now, as I type, we are en route to see family for Christmas, another busy exhausting ‘holiday’ ahead of too much food, unfamiliar beds, and I have a stinking cold!

i find it so hard to ‘rise above’ physical hardship and I know I’m being horrible company to DH and children when I am like this. Any tips?

@Chocchops72
The only things I've found to help are:

"If it is humanly possible, know that it is possible for you also" by our pal Marcus A. Helps me remind myself that if people can carry on then so can I because I'm people!

If I'm snappy, I try to think like that film "About Time". At the very end Bill Nighy advised the son to live life first doing each day twice- the first one where you inevitably end up grumpy or annoyed or chasing your tail, then the second time where you benefit from learning from all that went wrong first time round. And then eventually just live each day once but in the way you'd do it second time, as though you've already learnt from the experience before.

I've explained that badly, I'm sure a clip exists in YouTube 😂

Also: give yourself a break. You really have had a lot to deal with. Its ok to not be perfect, just find ways to not hold onto all the hard times, don't bring then with you.
"You only had to climb the mountain, not carry it" is another quote (no idea where from now) I repeat to myself when I start to tip over into self pity and bring up things that happened in the past in a big old pity party - I'm not suggesting you do this! Just that I know I do. So reminding myself I just had to get through the tough time, I dont need to act as though I'm always going through that tough time. It ended, I coped, I learned, but ultimately I don't need to stay in it.

Sympathies @Chocchops72 - I'm afraid I don't have any words of wisdom, but the stuff the Stoics say about dealing with physical pain and illness are always the ones I find it hard to get my head around tbh. Mild discomfort and tiredness I'm pretty good with, but serious pain... nope. And having suffered with health anxiety in the past, I still find it hard to resist the fear if I have any remotely worrying symptoms. Sounds like you've had a tough time.

That is a wonderful post @ThorsBedazzler

@Chocchops72 that all sounds very rough. When so much is difficult it's hard to find enjoyment in anything and easy to get in to a negative spiral and feel even more overwhelmed by it all. I'm trying to not just cope (often badly) with the difficult stuff but to actively find enjoyment/compensation in small things. It was a very challenging morning yesterday but hearing F16s roaring overhead I went out and was able to watch them for a few moments (jolly wave and "hello Maverick")They were glinting in the sun. I did feel more, I don't know, grounded afterwards. My DH said "They are odd, the things that bring you peace"

I suppose it's trying to step out of the abundant crap and actually grasp what brings joy. Even if it fleeting, the effect is positive.

"You only had to climb the mountain, not carry it"

i like that quote very much, I’d like to write it on every wall in our house so DH picks up on it: he frequently rehashes old hurts, injustices, hard times. Drives me a bit mad 🙄.

i think it’s more that I’m unable to rise above the immediate horrible-ness of the moment: the pain, the fatigue, the sickness, the heat, the cold, the whatever AND be a pleasant person to be around at the same time. I can’t control the physical reality of where I am, but I can control how I react to it - that’s the stoic response, isn’t it? Just need to work out how to choose not to react by being a moany, short-tempered, snappy cow! 😂

Just need to work out how to choose not to react by being a moany, short-tempered, snappy cow!

Sometimes you're better to just give and be a moany cow. Well, I am anyway. There are times I'll tell those around me 'Look, I feel like shit at the moment, I hurt and I'm in a seriously bad mood. Bear with me'. People are generally really nice about it, so if it's really bad then I don't pretend it isn't.

Wishing you relief, @Chocchops72 , that all sounds very testing.

Thanks @ThorsBedazzler for that lovely, thoughtful post.

I make a hash of things every day, one way or another. I find reading Emerson's famous quotation before bed comforting:

Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.

@Tricyrtis2022

i do, and yes most people are very willing to accept when I need to step back.

It’s more when it feels constant, relentless, not going to get better. This summer, for example, it was unbelievably hot in France. Every day for weeks it was

… boiling hot, full on heatwave for weeks on end. I found it so hard not to be permanently grumpy. I’m no James Stockdale, stoically withstanding the horrible conditions in his jungle prison for years on end.

most people are very willing to accept when I need to step back

That's good. Sometimes I find that just saying how I really feel can reduce the shittiness a little bit.

Yeah, I'm with you on this summer, it was a tough one. From what I saw France was a nightmare. My elderly neighbour went to visit her son in France and she copes very badly with heat. She had a really awful time and came home completely exhausted.

I absolutely loathed this summer, with all the loathing that is in me. I work in horticulture so spend a lot of time outside, but this summer was too much and there were days I hid indoors with the blinds down and curtains closed. All I seemed do, for weeks on end, was to haul watering cans and drag hosepipes around, just to keep the new trees alive. In weather like that, it's perfectly okay to let the grumpiness flow.

@ThorsBedazzler

Oh yes quite, I think of James Stockdale with absolute awe.

Fab, thank you @MrsDanversGlidesAgain !

@Chocchops72 I was thinking a bit more about what you've said. And when I'm in the middle of illness or a bad situation, I try to think that while it's bad now, it won't always be this way. That there will be a corner turned or a beautiful sunset to remind me that life carries on, life changes and so will my situation.

This is based on me being fortunate with my health. I'm not sure how I would be with serious health issues, but it helps to stop me making myself feel worse.

As for being grumpy and snappy when unwell? I apologise for it. I apologise to my kids and my DH. And I tell myself that it isn't their fault I'm not well, so it isn't fair to take it out on them. I normally remind myself of that after I've taken it out on them and that prompts the apology. I'm not perfect.

Like @Tricyrtis2022 said, I do tell others if I'm not feeling well and bad company. I then use that as a reminder to myself that I can bear it, I'm a human etc. It doesn't always work out that way, but I try to apologise.

I hope you feel better soon.

Hello! I've been on here before, but can't recall what my name was!

Starting on the book version of Daily Stoic. I did actually have it in the middle of last year, but due to general crapness, didn't look at it much.

I am hoping Stoic philosophy will help me be less crap.

I love this!

Morning! I've been on here with a different name before as well. I started the daily stoic book in the summer after Derren Brown promoted it on a podcast. I try to read and ponder daily and i have found it helpful. Just going round again, from the beginning this time.