To ask catholics if I have committed a mortal sin?

[CreamPleease]

A few months ago, I started going to church again after years of not going. I did a huge list of all the sins I could remember which took place in the last 15 or so years (since my last confession). I went to confession and then went to mass the following day and have been to mass every sunday since.

Last weekend, I was away from home for an event (Thursday to Sunday morning) and subsequently missed mass. My plan was initially to go on the Sunday evening but I spoke to one of my DC on the Saturday and told her I’d be going to church on Sunday night but she didn’t want me to go on Sunday night as she was really missing me and wanted me to put her to bed.

In all honesty, I had time to then attend the Saturday evening mass in the town I was staying in but I was staying with family and I just wanted to enjoy the evening with them.

I was going to be going to confession tomorrow night before going to church on Sunday but DH now has to work so I have no one to watch my DD’s.

Can I take communion on Sunday or is it best I just have a blessing and go to confession the following weekend?

Thanks.

I’m sure that if there is a God he/she won’t care at all about this sort of ridiculous rule.

Please don't let some of the replies you've received on this thread upset you, OP.

Remember that Jesus knows the good intentions in your heart. I would ask the priest for guidance, as he will be able to reassure you about the right thing to do.

I hope things continue to improve for you.

There’s no need to make a mockery of me because I choose to go to church and would like to follow the rules that go along with that.

You're right OP, there is no need for it.

People are being exceptionally unkind for no reason. Ignore them.

Some people are so rude. I'm an atheist but I don't feel the need to mock people who do follow a religion. If it brings them happiness and peace in their lives then that's their prerogative.

Are you sure you're a catholic? Do you belong to some sort of Opus Dei faction?

Even in the most traditional of churches, the idea of mortal or venial sins is archaic and not used in modern parlance. Our catholic priest cares not a jot about who receives communion and who goes to confession. He has admitted that he himself hates confession!

I think you need to take a step back and focus on the important aspects of faith. It should be a comfort or enhancement to your week - not something to beat yourself up over.

Op, there's a dispensation from Sunday mass if you're travelling.

I agree some of these responses are really cruel and totally uncalled for!
I’m not religious in the least, went to Catholic school though and one side of my family are Catholic. I’ve seen the peace it gave my Gran to attend church, after decades of not doing, in her last few years.
I hope you carry on finding it helpful and think it’s very sensible to be getting support from other sources at the same time.

www.independent.co.uk/news/world/europe/pope-francis-catholic-church-no-point-if-you-dont-believe-in-it-help-the-poor-christian-parrots-a7529631.html
the pope seems to be saying that while mass is important the way you live & treat others is equally important - so - you could go to confession tomorrow but reading this article (if you can get past the blessed adverts (just keep going backward & forwards on the arrows at top) I really wouldn't feel so guilty. (Catholics do guilt professionally & being a catholic mother heaven help you!)

Please don't worry about this OP.
You can make your own act of contrition before Mass.
Mass has an inbuilt act of contrition anyway... "I confess to Almighty God and to you my brothers and sisters, that I have sinned..." etc.

I am a Catholic. I find it very helpful in my everyday life but I refuse to get into all that Catholic guilt thing that I used to have as a teenager and in my twenties.
Things have changed. Our priest gave a sermon a few weeks ago about the Sunday Mass obligation.
He said the religion is supposed to be there as a support to help you. It's not a big stick to beat yourself with. If you're unable to go to church for whatever reason take some time to prayer quietly.
It shouldn't be a massive stress to get to church either - and he gave examples of this. If you really can't make it you shouldn't sweat it too much.

You were unable to go because your child needed you to put her to bed. Putting your child to bed is more important.

Just go to Mass on Sunday. Make an act of contrition and pray for guidance. You can then decide whether to go up to communion or not.
I'd stay in my seat and not go up for a blessing - I wouldn't want people wondering why I wasn't receiving communion.

If it brings them happiness and peace in their lives then that's their prerogative
Nothing but stress and worry in the OP

The Bible says that we should not share the sabbath meal together if we have anything against another we are sharing with, that’s all. And, in another place, that we should confess our sins to one another: because it helps us. We can also confess our sins to God directly, as in the Lord’s Prayer (Forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us). I don’t believe Jesus minds if you haven’t formally confessed but want to share the sacrament.

OP do you attend Mass in the Extraordinary Form - ie. the tridentine rite?
I ask because the only people I have heard talking about mortal sins and missing Mass in such an extreme way are arch-traditionalists.
Not all who attend the tridentine rite are - but there is certainly a significant number who are extremely dogmatic about things like this.

BTW - massively against my better judgement and due to pressure from the catechist, I went to confession on the day my son made his first. I thought 'if he's doing it, so should I'.

I hadn't been for at least 25 years and I told the (visiting) priest. Instead of saying 'good for you' or something, he did the exact opposite and made a huge song and dance over it and made me feel really uncomfortable. I so regretted going.

I vowed never to go to confession again and both of my dc's have only been the once. We all receive communion though if we go to mass. (Which we don't anymore as they have decided to be atheists! )

OP if it helps I'm a lapsed Catholic in Ireland. My daughter was in a Church of Ireland school for primary and for First Communion and Confirmation they attended classes once a week, outside of school, with the children from the educate together school, who were also making the same sacraments. There was a family mass once a month as part of the preparation!! So all those children must now be going to hell along with me for not going to mass every Sunday😂.

Hi OP

We're going to move your thread over to a more appropriate topic.

AIBU can be very robust and we're not sure that's going to do anyone any favours, really.

I’m an atheist but if following these rules helps you then go for it!

Thank you Lily

You should perhaps have posted in the Religion topic, rather than AIBU?

It sounds a bit odd because most Catholics would either not care about this kind of thing or know how to look it up eg the Vatican has a very detailed website. So perhaps some people think this isn’t a serious post.

I hope you are ok. Maybe try and speak to the priest privately?

@CreamPleease
Ex Catholic here.... Rediscovered faith in God last year though.... Reading the bible properly and carefully... Everything we do is sinful, anything that is for the self.... Is selfish.... However in 2020 this is the way of life/capitalism... Maybe find another form of Christianity that isn't hypocrital... I. E. Selfishness pope in Rome with gold gilted Vatican curtains at "sinners" expense.....

^ "Arch-traditionalist" here, I was actually going to say what Serenschintte said, because that's what's in the catechism, which means it's what the Catholic church actually currently teaches and believes, as opposed to what anyone personally feels or a priest has told them. The catechism and the Bible are basically the entire rule book and if anyone claiming to be Catholic says anything contrary to either of those, they're actually not Catholic, since denying any part of what the church teaches means you're not really part of the church. The church has actually not "changed with the times" on very much at all, and the minimum for confession and communion once a year is a bare minimum, and you certainly shouldn't receive communion if you don't know you're in the state of grace - that's in the Bible so it's not even a "stupid Catholic thing" (1 Cor 11:27)

That isn't aimed at you though, OP, you sound like you're doing really well and please don't let the lapsed Catholics commenting here stop you from listening to your conscience. Remember that going to confession, even if you haven't actually commited a mortal sin, allows us to receive grace to help us deal with the temptations to serious sin. And remember that nuns go to confession too, and probably a lot more regularly than most people! (Fulton Sheen said listening to nuns confessions was like being stoned to death with popcorn 😂)

For anyone who's confused about what types of things constitute a mortal sin, you basically can use the Ten Commandments as a guide and decide if you have known that God told us not to do those things, but you knowingly and deliberately chose to do them anyway, and therefore you've chosen to separate yourself from God. So taking the Lord's name in vain, unless it's a habit and you do it completely without thinking, is a mortal sin. Keeping the Sabbath holy is why missing Mass is a mortal sin, if you have deliberately chosen to do something else instead of going to Mass (even if you're travelling, the exemption is if you're actually in transit and would miss all possible Masses wherever you are or will be).

In your case, OP, I personally would go to confession anyway because these types of things play on my mind, even if you might not have fulfilled all the criteria for mortal sin (care of children and illness are legitimate reasons to miss Mass). But God is always happy when we come to Him in confession... I wish I was brave enough to go more often than I currently do!

I'm a committed catholic OP. To be honest you sound a bit anxious. Talk to your priest. Or maybe your gp?
Priests are overworked and their numbers diminishing, and they can't do the same level of confessions ( or masses etc) that we were used to many years ago.
The church has taken a much more relaxed view on confession. You are no longer expected to go regularly.

Also, one more point to make- religion is a very personal thing. You don't "need" to lead a wholly pious life in order to worship. If that's the way you feel you should become a nun. If you are truly sorry for a sin/sins, I'm sure God won't mind a quick silent prayer to ask for forgiveness. THAT to me is proper faith, not the traipsing around publicly worshipping. It doesn't make you a better person.

polarisation thank you so much for such an informative post.

There are plenty of responses you can simply ignore on here OP. Pointless to listen to the stroppy atheists. Lots of Protestant responses too from people who fundamentally misunderstand the Catholic attitude to the Bible.

You are right that if you miss Mass without a serious reason (ie your illness, your child’s illness, distance from church) then you should not receive communion until you have gone to confession. This is because weekly attendance at Mass is one of our obligations as Catholics, and a fairly light obligation at that. If we truly believe in the real presence of Christ in the Eucharist then going once a week is the least we can do.

OP, maybe ask to get this moved to Religion/Spirituality?

People may dislike the “rules” element of Catholicism but the rules are there as a framework and so that we know the minimum expected of us. Of course there’s more to it than going to Mass every week. But those people who say it doesn’t matter, you don’t need to go to Mass every week, confession is optional etc are just plain wrong. The Catechism is available online to answer these and hundreds of other questions.

All the best OP.

Cross posted with MN admin.

OP, is there something at the back of your thinking that says if I am a really good Catholic now it will balance out my past?

Or that if you stick to the rules perfectly then you won’t make the mistakes you made in the past? Or feel the way you once did?

Because what I don’t hear in your post is that you have cleared the slate completely. Have you forgiven yourself, unreservedly?

Because, as someone upthread pointed out RC does seem to have as its stating point this idea that we are born flawed. If you take another position, that is not contrary but perhaps more in the spirit of real Christianity (Jesus, forgiveness, kindness) of we are born fine, just the way we were meant to be, perfect in our natural imperfection, then it takes the pressure of you to correct an abstract, philosophical view of the self (that in my opinion leads to dogmatic thinking). These rules are guides but at the point they cause you anguish they are no longer relevant.

A very wise priest once pointed this all out to me.

You are perfect, OP. And flawed like everyone else. You took some turns that weren’t right for you but you have to let all of it go. It’s all about the future and best intent amongst the real world demands on you. The RC church has actually woken up to that now a bit, but as others have said, if this is what you want, then it is between your conscience and God with Jesus as an intercessionary figure - not the priest who is just a bloke.

Choose peace. Mental peace. I believe that any God who creates would want that for their creations.

Apologies if I have read too much into this or projected. I think a lot of people can pick up on a sense of genuine distress in your post.

To the others who still have a view of confession based on Godfather films, I’ll informed internet sites and their own bigotry ( rapists and murderers can just confess anything and get off) I would ask you to engage your brain and really think that one through.

Lastly, sin as a concept is about doing something that does not protect, maintain or add to your emotional, mental or spiritual well being. Mortal and venial sins were classified as such to understand the effect of behaviour on the human psyche. Old terms, but they come from Latin.

Perhaps, in light of the damage we inflict upon ourselves in modern society, such awareness is not redundant?