How do you resolve conflicting religious parenting

[Contemplates]

My husband doesn't want our children to be allowed access to both of our (differing) religious views, only his.

He is atheistic and I wanted to introduce our preschooler to Sunday school if he wanted to try it.

He loves preschool and wanted to see what this was all about too, and I had always been open about the fact I intended to encourage exploring God as an alternative to atheism, without forcing anything.

Obviously his Dad's alternative viewpoint is also and equally well known in our household. However I don't silence my husband the way I feel he is trying to silence me and I'm trying to remain balanced and fair.

This morning he was saying how he didn't want our son to attend Sunday school as he doesn't like it; which led to our son saying he didn't want to go anymore. So this morning we went to the park instead

Has anyone experienced this parental conflict before and how did you deal with it? There must be some balanced compromise that we can reach, while still enabling our children freedom to make their own choices.

CoteDAzur

You sound lovely I try to be. However since we all know you don't mean that, I would like to say I didn't mean to come across so snippy as clearly that's how it felt to you.

Ironically, the same day I wrote that, I also answered a post myself (on a different thread) without reading all of the previous answers because I didn't have time between dealing with screaming kids! So I know we all do it and it probably wasn't fair to pull you up over it.

If you have ever heard two sentences about what an atheist is, how come you can say stuff like "He is atheistic" and call his the "alternative viewpoint"?

I honestly don't know what's wrong with saying someone is atheistic. I looked the word up in the dictionary and it told me if someone is atheistic they are persuaded by an atheist viewpoint. I genuinely don't know what's wrong with it!

dictionary.reference.com/browse/atheistic
a·the·is·tic [ey-thee-is-tik] Show IPA
adjective
pertaining to or characteristic of atheists or atheism; containing, suggesting, or disseminating atheism: atheistic literature; atheistic people.

But you saying that if I would use that term I can't have heard two sentences about what an atheist is, simply isn't true. I've heard an awful lot more than 2 sentences and honestly I've never heard anyone have a problem with terminology about it before. Is it a new thing?

Also, regarding your point about me saying "my husband has an alternative viewpoint" in the most kind way possible, I would like to take you back to my OP again. You will see in it I say "I intended to encourage exploring God as an alternative to atheism, without forcing anything.

Obviously his Dad's alternative viewpoint is also and equally well known in our household.

So I first call MY viewpoint an alternative to atheism, and then I follow up by calling HIS viewpoint an alternative to mine. Equal. I'm not getting the issue so don't know what else to say to you.

Anyway, have you considered my earlier suggestion to ask your DH if he would be OK with you introducing DC to your religion a bit later in their lives, when they can form opinions & research on their own? I had explained how we resolved the issue (for the moment). But thanks for your suggestion. For what it's worth, I really think everyone makes their own mind up no matter what age they are exposed to either the concept of atheism or of God. I know I did. I know you did too. Out of interest, how old were you when your decision was reached?

ATHEISM IS NOT A CONCEPT

Sorry -- atheism isn't an idea? what is it then?

I know, I know, atheism is simply the absence of belief in God. I've heard that a million times. But, you know, that is an idea, a concept: you have to have a concept of God before you can either believe in him or not believe in him (or them); you have to have a concept of what belief is before you do it or don't do it. Atheism isn't nothing, or else why would it be such a big deal? and why is it that atheists always say the same things?

Hully, are you alway this angry in life? I really can't help wondering if you'd be like this face to face.

As you might have guessed I sought to offer a peaceable and reasonable explanation and perhaps my terminology offends, but please do be a bit more forgiving than that

I think athiesm is a "nothing". I have a "non- belief " about a lot of things.
Ghosts living in my laundry basket, speaking carrots, pixies dancing in my garden. Knowing that these things don't exist is not a position of faith.

It is a big deal - how would you feel if schools were telling your child that carrots actually do speak? Or if your OH believed that carrots could speak and you didn't- and were trying to find a "middle ground" between your views in order to give a child a "balanced" upbringing.

for goodness sake. It's not speaking carrots.

And since you cannot prove that speaking carrots do not exist, what you have described is precisely a position of faith, if you define faith as an unproven belief.

Trees communicate with each other. There is the scientific disciple of Biosemiotics. So I would say, 'Interesting.....'

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Biosemiotics

^Discipline! Typo.

atthestroke - I COULD feel that schools will be telling my child that carrots actually do speak if they teach him that God isn't real, because I disagree with that just as much as I disagree that carrots talk.

But I won't get all het up and militant about it. And if my husband wanted to tell our children that carrots talk then I'd smile and let him, with full confidence that they'd soon find out and make their own mind up. Isn't that what us parent's happily do, in a considered-to-be-harmless way, about things like father christmas?

I will accept that other people have their views and opinions, and that some people will agree with me and other people won't. That's a fact of life and I accept it graciously.

As much as anything else I don't think I'd have the energy to be so angry all the time!

and by the way, just for the record, I am an unbeliever in respect to your speaking carrots

Nimby the analogy of speaking carrots is a good one. It's up to those claiming the existance of something to prove. The burden of proof lies with those making the claim.

Honestly trees are believed to communicate with each other:

www.newscientist.com/special/plant-senses

www.newscientist.com/article/mg20827864.600-fungal-threads-are-the-internet-of-the-plant-world.html

Sorry, this is the correct article.

Except it is tomato plants. I'm sure I read one about trees. Who knows carrots next?

atthestroke there is no burden of proof to you or me, or anyone else for that matter.

We just have different views on life. Simple.

I don't care if you believe something different to me (believe that God doesn't exist, that is). I respect your autonomy enough to demand nothing of you at all! It's your choice, it's your consequence. I have my choice and my consequences and we have chosen different paths. That is all there is to it

"I really think everyone makes their own mind up no matter what age they are exposed to either the concept of atheism or of God."

You think wrong. It is why Sunday school starts years before elementary school.

Children believe whatever they are told by their parents until they develop critical faculties & question what they hear.

" Out of interest, how old were you when your decision was reached?"

I was in elementary school when I realised that pretty much all of my peers really thought there was a God observing their every move and was quite about it. I asked everyone "What makes you think there is a God?" etc and never got a reasonable answer. RE teachers loved me

I think what Hully means is that atheism isn't a hypothesis. It is not a freestanding idea proposing to explain the universe.

"Atheist" is what you get called when you hear all the tales the faithful think are true, then say "Nah, I don't believe any of it".

Atheism is the absence of belief that any deities exist. Not just yours, but also Odin, Ra, Zeus, etc. None of it makes sense, not just yours, if it's any consolation

That will doesn't explain the problem with "atheistic"?

Oops still, not will.

Excuse me?

Cote - were you taught the atheist viewpoint or the church viewpoint when you were questioning your RE teachers?

By the way I always got into trouble asking questions too, so we at least that that in common

"Everybody holds beliefs though, regardless of whether they hold any religious beliefs."

I have had this conversation with others in RL and have come to the decision that I have no beliefs - in the religious sense of 'blind faith', that is. I believe in the kindness of people etc but that is not the same thing, since that is about expecting to see something I have already witnessed in others.

I am not the one. When children are not taught inconsistent fairy tales as fact, they often grow up

"how many people actually examine that original research?"

I don't have to learn the specifics of every scientific discipline & verify their every study Other scientists do it for me. Studies are replicated, their results peer-reviewed, meta-analyses are done.

It is very odd that you think this has anything to do with faith.

I mean you have a problem with me using the word atheistic and you're still keeping me in the dark about it, despite me cutting and pasting the dictionary definition to show why I have reached that understanding of the word!

You don't say "He is atheistic". Nobody says that. It is just not said. Seriously.

You say "He is an atheist".

That is why I have said that the impression I get is that you have never had this conversation with anyone. It is like saying "He is Islamic" rather than "He is a Muslim".

Oh!