The Muslim Tearoom

[HardlyEverHoovers]

Salaams/peace to all! I'm already missing our old thread, so taking the bull by the horns and opening our very own Muslim Tearoom, all welcome (non-Muslims too of course), to chat, share, ask questions etc etc. Imagine a cosy cafe with floor cushions, tea and coffee of all kinds, and lovely cakes! Please join me!

Oh thank you for those wonderfully informative replies. Now you've explained it to me it makes total sense. Of course why would you want to be standing next to a completely strange (!) man when the prayers are so physical. As usual what seems as an odd thing on the face of it is completely logical when explained. TBH in church it does seem odd to be sitting next to strangers even when kneeling in prayer.

Thanks as always for taking the time to explain. Hope you're all having a good weekend.

Cuddledup, when we pray we actually stand so our shoulders and feet touch. Seriously don't like touching random strangers, less so random strange men.

Glad it answers your question.

Fuzzy I know exactly what you mean. Years ago a friend encouraged me to go salsa dancing with her and i HATED it. Not just because I have two left feet and no sense of rythymn but I was so uncomfortable being that close to a complete stranger. IT seemed so wrong to me! Needless to say I stopped salsa dancing.

Another question - or rather advice please - how do you manage to fast without thinking about food ALL the time. Recently I've started the 5:2 diet and on the two days I eat 500 calories I find I'm dreaming about food an awful lot of the time! SO ladies - what's your advice ? How do you manage Ramadan - obviously your minds are more spiritual matters so I goes that helps!

Cuddle - It's probably not just standing side by side with strange men but also having those strange men in the row behind you getting a good view of your backside as you bend forward, put your face to the floor and point your bum to the ceiling

Re fasting - Not eating/drinking at all prevents your metabolism from properly restarting (or some such) so you don't feel that hungry even though you eat nothing all day. Maybe try that as a diet or maybe don't because it's silly

crescent - I was in London last week when the Boston bombs went off and the resentment towards the visibly Muslim part of the population was palpable.

Salaam all.... Did anyone watch panorama - secrets of britains shariah courts? I agree with what the woman said at the end of the program. I do think that women seeking divorce via khula should be made much easier - because in islam it is easier. I also wonder how many women (if any) are able to sit on the council and make decisions as such. I feel it is vital that there are more women involved in such councils and then you will see fairer and better quality of advice.

Cuddle i couldnt advise on the 5:2 diet as i like the thought of trying it to gain the benefits of health and weight loss but do not last the day! it is in fact it a highly virtuous act for muslims to fast on alternate days. On the other hand, i find that if i am fasting for ramadan or other religious days (for the sake of Allah) i feel i have the will and resolve to keep going.

Cote.... The bum is not meant to be in the air........ If so, you are doing something wrong. The hands, toes, knees, nose and forehead should make contact with the floor. It is called prostration - submission to your Lord.

I am watching now, I agree blue it should be easier and less expensive. However I didn't like the programme. It wasn't balanced in any way.

in fact im gonna turn it off now is a waste of time

and they didnt answer the basic question if there are no shariah councils then it would be impossible for women to get khula and be free of nikkah, so how would that be better?

Naila, you are right. The program portrayed dr Hasan as unsympathetic to women's plight. It didnt highlight the fact that he asked the woman to give it a month in order for her to be certain that this was the right decision for her.

Nobody said not to involve police - they said that if you bring in the police, you are basically setting the wheels in motion for divorce proceedings rather than resolving issues.

All that said and done, i do feel that charging women £400 is ludicrous and a shariah council creating difficulties for women to get khula is not very islamic either. None of the undercover reports in this program showed dr hasan or the lady advisor (missed her name ) saying that the women would not get a khula.

I say it again....we need more women on these councils.

hmm but the thing is a shariah council is supposed to be a place for judges, which means the issue really is getting more women to study islamic jurisprudence in depth.

Naila, there are so many knowledgeable sisters.....and many know more about islam than men sitting in these councils. Charging women £400? Asking for husband to come who has a history of violence proven with injunctions? Dragging out khula applications for years. These cases do not seem very islamically dealt with to me. It s so unfortunate when a woman complains of husband hitting her and then she is asked if she makes herself look pretty for her huband by another woman. That is not an islamic question, but a cultural one.

The islamc guideline of a woman beautifying herself for her husband does not equal to a woman must look pretty for her husband so that he might spare her a beating!

I am shocked that a country like egypt never allowed something as fundamental as a khula divorce until 2000.

knowledgable is different from having studied in Islamic universities though?

I agree these cases havent been dealt with Islamically. But you also have to remember video editing. Looking good for your husband is an ibadah it is from Islam. of course not looking good doesnt justify violence, however i didnt see the sister say if you dont dress up it was ok for your husband to hit you. Also her advice to get family involved, what was wrong with that? women shouldnt be afraid to speak out to their community about abuse, they havent done anything wrong, brothers who are afraid of their fathers and brothers, this can effect them!

The major problem i can see is if the husband doesnt come. But if the husband doesnt come and doesnt reply to letters they grant the khula.

I got a khul, the mufti who married us also granted my khul, he didnt even suggest mediation when he heard my reason (ex was violent).

Probably the reason divorce is accepted if one is granted an English divorce is because in order for a divorce application to go thro the courts, both parties sign the divorce petition, signing the divorce petition is one divorce. Also as a Muslim one is meant to adhere to the laws of the land (if they do not conflict with Islamic law) and if the law permits a divorce then it is not unislamic, divorce is allowed in Islam, it's just that society makes it such a big deal about it, but only for a woman.

I've been told all sorts for seeking a divorce, however I remember the lady who approached the Prophet (saw) and requested she be allowed to divorce her husband on the grounds she could not stand him, he was fine she just did not like him and felt unable to be a wife to him, the Prophet (saw) did not make a huge deal about it and allowed her the divorce and asked her to return her mahr.
Forcing a woman to remain married is unjust, and cruel and form of zulm.

Cote has a point regards praying, when we go down in rukuh and prostration, bottoms are more obvious and it could be distracting ...

Regarding fasting, we eat before dawn, so the hunger pangs don't kick in till later in the day, also during ramadan as you're fasting continuously for the month your body gets used to it, I actually have to retrian myself to eat during the day as I just dont feel hungry during daytime for a while after ramadan.
I also try to fast every Monday and Thursday so my body is used to it.

We so absolutely do need more female Islamic scholars.

Thanks for answering my questions about fasting, it's as I imagined - having a faith really helps when doing such a major fast as Ramadan.

Interesting to read about the Panorama programme- I'm a bit cynical as think these type of religious programmes would be v different if made by people of that particular faith. IYKWIM. USually they're just a bit sensationalist and seem to be wanting to perpetuate prejudices. (Maybe I'm being unfair on the programme makers as I didn't see the programme0

V amused by all the comments about praying with bottoms in the air.
Take care all - I love reading this thread as I'm learning so much.