American XL Bully dog

[BettyALJF]

My ex and I have two sons (7&9) and share them 50/50. His girlfriend has an American XL bully dog that now lives with them. I’ve had reservations about the dog as it’s massive but I can’t stop them having it and know all dogs are different etc. I asked my ex to never leave them unsupervised with the dog, which the boys tell me they are on a morning when they go down for breakfast and their dad and gf stay upstairs and god knows when else. I pick my sons up on Saturday afternoon and the boys tell me that my youngest has been bitten on the ear by the dog on Thursday. My ex didn’t tell me this had happened. Once we are home I look at the bite and it’s pierced the skin. I asked them what happened and he said he got on the sofa and the dog barked at him and got his ear. He said it hurt and bled a lot. They tell me they didn’t go to the drs to get it looked at. Obviously when the skins been broken it can cause an infection, so I ring 111 to ask what to do and they send me to the hospital to get it checked out due to it being a Saturday. The doctor cleans the cut and says they have to report it to the police. I let my ex know all this and he has a go at me saying he didn’t know what I was trying to do and that I should have contacted him to find out what happened. I basically think they’ve not taken him as they are worried what will happen to the dog, therefore not putting our son’s safety first.
Regardless of what happened, it’s pierced the skin and as his father he has a duty of care and he should’ve taken him to the doctors for it to be checked, cleaned and given anti biotics. It may have been an accident, but I don’t want to risk ‘a second offence’ which may be a lot worse next time. I’ve told the police I don’t want the dog in the house when the boys are there, I don’t trust them to put the boys safety first anymore. Would you do the same thing in my situation?

I think I would stop corresponding with the children's father in case he realizes that the dog might be at risk of being destroyed.
I would be doing everything I could to build a case against him so that he doesn't see his children until that creature is gone. Even then I would be worried that he might get involved with another woman who owns one.
He must be under some kind of spell 🥴

Their father did not prevent this happening despite you asking him to. Not the kids fault or the dogs. You did what you needed to do and it will likely stop a future accident if the police get involved

Dogs can attack even with people in the room supervising. The dog has shown that he bites. Next time, your child may not be so lucky that they've only come away with a cut ear.

Your ex now has a choice. His children or the dog. And there would be no way on God's green earth I'd allow my children anywhere near the dog again.

OP I would be concerned he is enjoying your fear and anxiety over the dog, ie he's using it as a way of getting back at you.

Report to the police. They have a duty of care to your children, seeing as their own father doesn't care. I am so sorry you're going through this.

There's no chance I'd let my kid go in a house with a dog like this.

Your Ex is insinuating that you have only reported in order to upset him /his girlfriend /cause trouble.

its bad enough he didn’t get the ear looked at or tell you, but from those messages, he doesn’t think it’s a big deal.

He won’t start thinking it’s a big deal and be on guard. He should be saying “girlfriend is going to take dog to her mums next weekend I’ve got the kids, they won’t be in the house with it” or saying the dog won’t be in the same room as the kids. So he doesn’t think the kids need protecting.

Your husband is gaslighting you. Saying he is not sure what the issue is. Of course he is. In some ways you are more irrationally emotionally tied up with your dog than your (older) children so his girlfriend is unlikely not to be a mess knowing full well her dog’s life is at risk, especially after the.ban and media coverage of attacks. He wants to convince you it is you so you back off taking it further.

it is his bad judgement and lack of safeguarding your children 100%.

Ha you wouldn’t believe every time there is an attack listed on Facebook by one of these dogs, the sick people who try to dismiss the attack floor the comments with “it’s the owner not the breed”

Exactly.What if the father decided just to go and pick the children up from school and take them back to the house ignoring the op instructions.

Social services couldn't stop him from doing that.

Social services have no power to stop him from doing this either though? That’s a civil matter…

social services said they can’t do anything and the police don’t seem to be doing anything either. Said it has all its paperwork. The dad is refusing to get rid of the dog and said he will keep it in another room when the boys are there. How can a banned breed bite a child and no one does anything about it?! Does the child have to have its arm ripped off first. Can anyone help at all?

Have you read the thread?? People have gone all round the houses saying what you can do. You need to stop them going there. Let him take you to court if he doesn't agree.

Yes I’ve read the thread and everyone’s saying don’t let them back which I haven’t done. But he’s threatening to pick them up from school and keep them. I kept them off school today as it was his day to pick them up, and will probably keep them off tomorrow too and contact social services again to try and get them to help me. As none of the authorities are!

Right. Because the authorities don't have any power in this situation. The dog isn't illegal unfortunately. Social services can't help you because they have no power over his behaviour. All they will advise is not to send them and to get legal advice. If you're worried he'll turn up and take them you can make an urgent application to court for a prohibited steps order. If I were you I would make an appointment with a solicitor tomorrow.

Have you spoken to school. If they believe there is an immediate risk of harm they have to report to ss. Tell them that you have a serious safeguarding concern and speak to them this morning. And see a solicitor.

Flipping heck. Can you maybe read the OP's posts if not the rest of the thread? Social services cannot help in this case. It's up to OP to stop contact and go to court if necessary. What do you expect the school or social services to do?

I can’t advise on the legal framework, other than to say see a solicitor. It sounds as if he is trying to bully you but you are not the problem here. He left his children with the dog unsupervised, he then did not take the biting incident seriously, didn’t get treatment or tell you. Your children have a right to better care and protection than that. Do they even want to go back to the house?

However from the perspective of a dog owner, putting the dog in another room without there being some sort of training and behaviour management in place might actually risk making the situation worse. Apart from the dog getting out, my dog can open a door, and I am sure an XL bully could break one down if it was minded to, the dog could see it as a punishment and may even resist being put in a room it doesn’t want to be in. God knows how you put a dog that size in a room it doesn’t want to be in without lengthy training. The dog is presumably used to having free range of the house and by the sound of it regards even the sofa as its territory so locking it away risks frustrating it and perceiving your children as intruders / a threat to a greater extent. I don’t know how bright / neurotic XL bullies are but even with my own dog (who is both) who is trained to go to his basket when a stranger comes I probably wouldn’t be going down this route with children visiting regularly without advice from a trainer / behaviourist to help ensure the dog sees it as a place of sanctuary as opposed to being forced there as a punishment. It does not sound as if your husband and girlfriend are capable of that level of behaviour management if they left the dog with the children unsupervised in the first place. You might ask the advice of a good behaviourist to strengthen your case? (I say good because anyone can set themselves up as an expert, you need someone With a proven track record with the breed. )

Of course OP needs to tell the school!! They need to know that there is a serious safeguarding issue and not to let the kids dad collect them. They also need to know why the children aren’t in school. They need to know that this is going on and to be able to support the children emotionally.
I have worked in schools and if we knew that a child had been bitten by a dangerous dog and there was an ongoing threat + the dad’s attitude it would be taken VERY seriously and the school would have contacted the police and made a report to ss. Safeguarding is about keeping children safe and all agencies need to work together.
OP needs to be proactive and keep contacting everyone she can.

This is just hyperbolic. Of course she has to tell the school why they aren't in but if you worked in a school you'll know the school can't refuse to hand children over to a parent t with PR if they don't have a court order in place. You're talking about all agencies working together but this is a fairly straightforward case of a parent needing to stop contact and go to court. There really isn't a role for social services or much of a role for school.

Edited as I hadn’t read the whole thread when I posted.
Those dogs have long given me the heebie jeebies. If the kids even alluded to the fact they might be scared going to that house Id absolutely never let them go again. Glad you’ve logged your concerns with police and SS though.

OP has said that the police don’t seem to be doing a much. A phone call from the school might help.

If the school has reason to believe a child is at immediate risk of harm they should phone 999 and they are able to refuse to hand the child over until the police arrive. The police then liase with ss.

OPs priority is clearly to see a solicitor today though.

Draco - there is nothing ‘hyperbolic’ about taking whatever action you can to stop your kids being attacked by dangerous dogs.

How can the school help in any possible way with the police's decision over whether this dog is legal or not?
Yes the school can refuse to hand a child over in the case of immediate risk of harm but THIS IS NOT THAT. Unless the father was standing at the school gates with the dog slavering and threatening to feed the child to the dog the school wouldn't have threshold to refuse to hand the child over. Why would the police support a decision to withhold the children if they aren't doing anything about the dog??