Help me find a (close) replacement kitten for DS

[TheJourneyAhead]

One of my DS has quite significant anxiety. He is 9, but emotionally quite young & has been through a lot with various medical and emotional things going on.

I’d agreed with DS to get him a kitten, and we discussed that kitten would be a nice focus for him if he’s feeling anxious, and he was so very excited and proud at the prospect of caring for said kitten. I felt this may also in some way help regulate some of his anxiety and he loves to care for our neighbours and friends cats.

So we selected a kitten from a supplier, and DS set his heart on the one chosen, including naming him and choosing all the items said kitten would require. DS counting down the days until we can collect him - and I’d booked next Friday off work to be able to do this (also coinciding with an inset day.)

This morning we hear from kitten supplier that sadly kitten has passed away (evidently wasn’t viable and there were no signs or obvious cause, just one of those things, sadly.) I honestly daren’t tell my son - it’s been such a huge focus for him, and he’s been so looking forward to bringing kitten home.

Would the collective MN community have any leads as to a close-ish replacement? This may be a real long shot. But I simply can’t break this to my son until I have a back up plan.

Ideally replacement kitten would be in or around greater London / home counties / SE area.

Image of original kitten enclosed. I do appreciate the kitten is not replaceable but I’m really keen to at least have another close-ish option so I don’t simply come to my son with bad news.

I do agree but suggested it because it’s entirely possible that the op won’t be approved to rescue.

my own experience aside the thread I started in the litter tray was full of posters who were turned down because they have kids, because they work and the list goes on.

I am visually impaired and celia Hammond turned me down because they said I might fall over a cat. Despite the fact I’ve had rescue cats before and managed to raise a child to adulthood without him coming to harm.
it’s not a nice thought but some rescues may well consider a child with severe anxiety to not be a suitable home for a rescue cat. That is rubbish of course, but a lot of them have some odd ideas.

I take statements that rescues are overrun with kittens with a bucket of salt.

I wish the op well though and hope she has better luck.

OP it's worth warning your son that kittens can be very shy initially- not want to come out at all ! He might be a bit disappointed by that.

Good luck- you've had a steep learning curve already! I hope all goes well for you both.

Thanks @pickledandpuzzled and @WannabeKittens - and sound advice @70isaLimitNotaTarget

It has indeed been a steep learning curve!
So I have now contacted and sent applications through to every rescue within a 30 mile radius - I had no idea there were so many, both mainstream names and smaller independent ones. They all seem to have a similar-ish application process.

To your point @WannabeKittens - it is clear their vetting process is thorough. And I’m only at the application stage yet. Helpfully, they do provide profiles for each cat/kitten that is up for adoption, including their needs, preferences, whether they require outdoor space / adult only home / can tolerate other pets and a little of their history and daily habits. They do seem focussed on wanting a good fit, which is a good thing. Having said that, I’ve only submitted applications and haven’t spoken to anyone yet.

I’ve simply described my home set up, outdoor space, the fact I WFH, kids ages etc. And am fully prepared to fail on certain criteria. That said, I’m very open to options - and after the very helpful advice provided on this thread - we’d opt for an older kitten or a cat (and in any case they house kittens in pairs most of the time.) I entirely take on board that a kitten (while it may look cute) is very much an unknown entity and in fact a cat with a nature that we know is a good fit is a far more sensible option. But that’s what’s great about threads like these - I’m now in a much better position to make a good choice (if indeed we do get approved.)

As for the kitten that passed away, I do feel his owner is genuine (but I also take on board the overall stance on the ethics of selling / purchasing pets this way, and it’s not a route I’ll be going down.) I’m calmer since yesterday morning when I panic posted mainly driven by the idea of my boy being crushed at the idea of the kitten he’d set his heart on passing away.

Since then I’ve matured my thinking: yes, of course children need to understand that there’s a big bad world out there and shrouding them from reality does them no favours. However, I’m very confident my boy and his 2 siblings are not raised in some kind of a sugary bubble - quite the contrary in fact, our lives have been nothing short of gritty - much more stable now I’ve secured a very solid career path. He’s seen death in the family first hand, disability, been in hospital, we’ve had a long history of family courts/social workers (now very much in the past and due to my leaving domestic abuse 9 years ago.) Partly why he is anxious I feel, as his mother, is because he’s seen too much of reality! So in this instance, it will be the case of an abridged version of the truth to not gratuitously cause him more upset - and kitten will simply be too young to leave his mummy and needs to stay with her for at least a year.

So I shall persist down the rescue path with a good degree of caution and no assumptions. However, I do know we can provide a cat a very loving home - for the right fit.

@WannabeKittens I'm really sorry to hear of your experience. I appreciate you're a whole lot further down this road than I am. But I've cast the net far and wide - and there are so many options aside from
Celia Hammond it seems. I'm sure you've exhausted options and imagine driving is ruled out for you…. but as you pointed out seems arbitrary the criteria they failed you on and given there's so many out there you may fare better elsewhere?

I'm not sure a kitten/cat is the best choice for an anxious child, OP.

Lots of cats are quite anxious and hyper-independent. Mine was: she pissed in the sitting room window regularly as she was freaked out by the amount of cats in the neighbourhood, hardly ever went outside and never for very long, did not like being picked up or cuddled and I don't think she ever sat on our laps in her 16 years of life. (We did try various home remedies and things from the vet to help her anxiety, but to be honest nothing worked very well).

Best of luck Op, you'll be fine! I think you have a great set up for a cat and it sounds like it will be great for your son.

I wish everyone would give you a break over your original terminology . You're new to pet ownership and you have to start somewhere. I would say a home working, caring set up is a lot more important than an ill advised choice of word!

I think you’re going to be a great cat owner op you’ve definitely taken on the advice you’ve been given. Hopefully one of the rescues will have a suitable cat or kitten for you

Thank you @Kitsmummy and @NeedleFeltedFox ! The encouragement is very much appreciated.

I hear you @CremeEggThief (great user name!), however I refuse to believe there isn’t a cat out there that’s right for us. From what I’ve seen, personality wise there’s a similar diversity and range and all the quirks you get across any cross section of people. All the rescues I’ve trawled through seem to have a very very mixed and eclectic range from fully independent and won’t step foot in the house / to very keen to be mollycoddled and pampered and everything in between! I don’t think it’s a one size fits all. There’ll be a cat out there for us!

Do let us know how you get on OP.

I have tried numerous rescues around here, foal farm/safe haven/crockenhill/Battersea and numerous others.

The issue isn’t just that they’re rejecting decent prospective owners, but that many of them never actually get back to you. And the days of being able to visit and see some of the cats and fill in an application while you’re there are long gone. It’s all virtual visits or home visits now.

My last cats were from RSPCA and Battersea respectively, and in both cases I went there and saw the cats, they pointed out the ones which would suit my circumstances, and I adopted them, the kittens I got from the RSPCA lived for 17 years, my Battersea cat sadly died from kidney failure, but that couldn’t be helped.

I’m cynical because I always hear about how so many of the people working in these rescues have ten plus cats of their own. The woman at Celia Hammond was practically gleeful when she told me that she had 19 cats. And tbh I wouldn’t consider a home with nineteen cats a suitable home for more. And yet she can have them and I can’t. So go figure.

Good luck OP.
So so glad you’ve chosen the rescue route.
You will find your forever friend.
We have always got rescue animals and cats are the easiest.
Our rescue dog was very difficult to find as we had 3 small children so we had to wait for a puppy even though I wanted an older dog that no one else wanted just to give them a last chance of happiness rather than ending their days in a kennel. But rescue agencies wouldn’t allow that because of the young children. Our cats have always been so much easier to adopt. Less rules.

Good luck!

Update : I’ve had a call this morning from a local rescue. We had a long conversation and discussed the profile of a potential adoptee. We went through cat’s medical history and its needs and I was very keen to emphasise whether or not they thought said cat would be a good personality fit for our household.

Cat is now on reserve - and we will go along on Wednesday to meet him and potentially adopt.

@WannabeKittens I can DM you the name of the rescue. While they were thorough in the information we both shared, they didn’t seem for one moment to think we may be unsuitable and I was candid with our set up and they said prospective cat loves to be around children and be played with etc. So you may have better luck with them? Your experience sounds very frustrating. But maybe worth another shot. This rescue doesn’t include a home visit as part of its process - we would simply go along to the rescue to meet the cat and see whether adoption is viable. I filled in the application form and we had a long phone call. It seemed quite trust based.

That's really exciting, all fingers crossed for a perfect match 🤞🏼

How exciting! I hope your son and the cat have a long and happy relationship! 😻

Thank you @Yarnorama ! I’ve been reading a lot of threads on the litter tray. I am trying to learn all I can.

And crucially, it means that when I break it to my boy that original kitten won’t be coming home with us, I will also be able to explain a little around the ethics of adopting and how we have a brilliant and much more ethical alternative plan.

The sheer worry of breaking the news to him was what fuelled my yesterday morning original post (and in my state of turmoil I mistakenly used some clumsy wording and also was thinking along the lines of a similar looking cat.) I knew I couldn’t hand over that bad news (which would devastate him), without a robust alternative plan in place.

Thank you @Spinet ! It’s obviously not a done deal as yet and I’m still keeping some degree of caution - but quietly also very excited!!

And also, I like to look at things philosophically - original kitten wasn’t meant for us for a reason - and an important one - we can now offer an abandoned cat a loving home and have far greater awareness of the ethics around pet ownership.

Very exciting! If for whatever reason it doesn’t work out with that particular cat, you might find the CatChat website a handy way of finding out which cats are in which rescue/foster home without having to go to each website individually. That’s how we found our cat.

Great update OP. Really hope Wednesday goes well and looking forward to seeing kitty photos if it’s a match.

If this “kitten supplier” has kittens dying for an unknown reason at what looks like at least 5-6 weeks old so past the vulnerable newborn stage I would avoid them all together! There could be anything spreading between the kittens. Far worse to bring home a kitten and it dies then go elsewhere and get a kitten from a reputable place.

Great news! hope it all goes well on Wednesday

Thank you @SmartHome ! We are really excited to meet and potentially adopt an older kitten tonight from a local rescue.

If you’d read the thread @Madwife123 you’d see that the chain of events had led to us going down a different path.

Original kitten owner was very upset - and in my view was not dodgy - but this was an unfortunate, unprecedented event. That’s not to say that going down this route is not problematic and less than ethical and there’s lots of unscrupulous breeders out there, as I’ve since learned through this thread. For which I’m grateful. Original kitten most likely had generic condition associated with his unusual markings - Klinefelter's Syndrome.

New kitten - that we may potentially adopt - as far as DS is concerned is original kitten’s cousin ☺️ - and original kitten is too young and a bit fragile so can’t leave his mother.

The original kitten didn’t have kleinefelter syndrome. For one this isn’t fatal. Secondly it’s exceptionally rare. Far more likely is the seller was wrong and the kitten was female.

Good luck @TheJourneyAhead 😍

My rescue cat was used for breeding and kept in a small flat. She had 3 litters close together but her last kittens died so the owners got rid of her. She was only 3 so young herself. Although she had been used for breeding, she’d obviously been cuddled a lot and so despite being a bit nervous at first, she is also very affectionate.

In our part of Somerset the rescues are overwhelmed with kittens right now but even the sweetest kittens are a lot of work and can be a bit unpredictable in the early stages.

Maybe tell your little lad that the kitten that was going to come and live you has had to go and help another family but there's another special cat who's coming to you instead.

That kitten looks a little like a Calico although a lot more white on the markings so you could ask at a rescue if they have any or these days look online but please don't use the term "supplier". I hope you find a solution that works for you and any future pet.

This. Poor kitten will have having litters very soon.

How did you get on OP