Help me find a (close) replacement kitten for DS

[TheJourneyAhead]

One of my DS has quite significant anxiety. He is 9, but emotionally quite young & has been through a lot with various medical and emotional things going on.

I’d agreed with DS to get him a kitten, and we discussed that kitten would be a nice focus for him if he’s feeling anxious, and he was so very excited and proud at the prospect of caring for said kitten. I felt this may also in some way help regulate some of his anxiety and he loves to care for our neighbours and friends cats.

So we selected a kitten from a supplier, and DS set his heart on the one chosen, including naming him and choosing all the items said kitten would require. DS counting down the days until we can collect him - and I’d booked next Friday off work to be able to do this (also coinciding with an inset day.)

This morning we hear from kitten supplier that sadly kitten has passed away (evidently wasn’t viable and there were no signs or obvious cause, just one of those things, sadly.) I honestly daren’t tell my son - it’s been such a huge focus for him, and he’s been so looking forward to bringing kitten home.

Would the collective MN community have any leads as to a close-ish replacement? This may be a real long shot. But I simply can’t break this to my son until I have a back up plan.

Ideally replacement kitten would be in or around greater London / home counties / SE area.

Image of original kitten enclosed. I do appreciate the kitten is not replaceable but I’m really keen to at least have another close-ish option so I don’t simply come to my son with bad news.

Having a very anxious child I think you are right not to tell the truth about the kitten.

Yes, if it had died in your care then it's v important to be open. But at this point the kitten is more in the child's mind than in reality and plans changing is one thing, dreams being crushed is entirely another. Additionally unless you know exactly what happened an anxious child will worry a cat might easily and mysteriously die when you have it in the house.

Thank you @Spinet for your sensitive and helpful advice. The fact is, he’s not getting the kitten he had set his heart on. He has lots of medical interventions. He is not shrouded from reality. But it’s just what “version” of reality is the most compassionate and sensitive to his needs. There’s a spectrum between kitten has unexpectedly died and kitten is poorly and will stay with mum / kitten has to have some medical support so can’t be rehomed etc etc

Cats and dogs can be fantastic support animals however, they are living, they do get ill or in accidents and die.

How will your son cope if he becomes attached to the animal and then it dies. Some cats are happy to be house cats but many are not and crave being outside and then you have the added risk of the road. Many cats, especially young ones are not lap cats and won't settle down on you.

If you really want an animal to provide support your DS Mainecoon cat are meant to be fantastic but a dog that he can go out and about with, gets him out the house for walks etc should he become insular in the future might be a better option if everyone in the family is happy to have one and you can afford it.

@Singleandproud I hear you, however am a 1 income home, work very long hours, and have 3 kids in a 2 bedroom home. Stretching to a dog is just not realistic. I’m time poor and it wouldn’t be unfair on the dog.

Hi OP I just wanted to say that I thi k you are doing an excellent thing getting a rescue kitten for your 9 year old. We got one from Cat Protection 11 years ago when my boys were small, youngest was 18m and she is treated like a princess in this house. They still fight over who is going to have her sleeping on their bed that night and she has helped them enomously through all the trials and tribulations of puberty, exams, girls, fallouts with friends etc.

We had her from very, very youngz the youngest she could have been released, (in fact a bit younger as she had been found with mother deceased) and she has never scratched or bitten any of us, apart from very minor swipes at the youngest (who she sees as a sibling I think) who is now 12.

I really recommend getting a young moggy kitten from a rescue. The only people I know who have had issues with kittens have been people who have got pedigrees, rag dolls and the like, from breeders. Much like dogs, these kittens have been over bred imo and don't make lovely pets like ours.

Good luck with the search and keep us posted. Your son will adore whatever kitten or kittens you get. I too would advise a pair (ours were but sadly one was killed and having the other cat was helpful).

If your photo is the original kitten, I’d be surprised if it was a boy - male Tortie & white/calico cats are very rare. But male calicos often have significant health issues, which may be why this one died young.

Well I am not saying all adult cats are better for kids, but the right one may be.
The massive advantage of rescue older cats is that the rescue will tell you about the cat.
I fully knew that my first rescue was not keen on kids (and mostly steers clear of my teens) and my second rescue I wanted a more friendly lap cat and so now have another much older cat (he's 12) who will curl up with any visitor of any age as he is so friendly. Both times the rescue were able to tell me about the cat so I could discuss my situation and the cats needs thoroughly. Both smaller independent rescues rather than the big ones.

@RustyBear Interesting, it was male. I could have been fobbed off of course, but she does/did seem very genuine, spoke on phone etc. 1 litter, wormed etc.

And thank you so much for the encouragement and advice @SmartHome . At 9 and 11 yrs old they should be at a good stage to properly enjoy a pet and take some responsibility. Thanks for sharing your experience, this really helps. And of course me and the kids are aware that pets get into accidents / die etc (just like humans), but this isn’t sufficient reason to not get one, surely.

My clumsy original wording was not meant in bad faith - I’m no pet expert, but surely everyone has to start somewhere. We have a loving home (albeit busy!) and this was simply an idea that originated from my son and I had hoped would be a lovely focus for him to allay/distract him when he gets anxious. The idea was led by him.

If your ds really is the kind, gentle boy you describe then talk to him about why getting a cat from a rescue is kinder. Then speak to your nearest/local rescue and arrange to take him to talk to them and meet some of the cats/kittens they have in.

My last cat would not have been my first choice on paper, but meeting him showed how ideal he was for what we could offer and also for my ds at the time who also had lots going on. He was an older cat, but he really was perfect.

@Yarnorama that’s a good approach; I will explain to him that there’s many cats / kittens that need a good home and adopting one is the most socially conscious thing to do. He will understand that.

It'll cost more, but I'd advise using a reputable breeder - although the kitten will look different unless you can find a breed who offers similar colours

We lost our last moggy at a year old and hindsight is a wonderful thing but we should have walked away on viewing him.

I'm not saying all moggies will have problems, I had a couple of crackers when growing up, but if they're a reputable breeder they will have a reputation to uphold, rather than "oh we were waiting to have my cat spayed but she got out during lockdown" so why when AC passed away a year later, and we called to get your name to complete the insurance form, were you able to offer a replica that was near identical!!

I'd definitely do your research

-are the parents vaccinated etc
-will the kittens be flead and wormed, if so what with? (We asked a "breeder" after we lost AC if he flead his, to which he said no as the parents go out and bring back fleas!!)
-how was the dad selected (if random encounter with a dirty Tom, run)

If they are honest and care, they won't mind answering

I'd also look at the temperament of the breed, and ask about the parents temperament - if it's to support your son with his anxiety, I'd want a breed which had a call temperament and is close to its humans yes I'm biased towards ragdolls which fit all those! There was a gorgeous article about a Mainecoon who supported an autistic child in the DM once, he was gorgeous, but a breed that would take a lot of research as they can be prone to heart problems - Google Thula Mainecoon car for info on the one I'm referring to 😍

I'm seconding going with your DS to a rescue and choosing one. Our cat and DD chose each other, and they have a very strong bond.

Very good point about the male calico!

Good luck, OP

Just came here to say you might be better off with an adult rescue, they will be less work and the huge advantage is to some extent their personality will already be known. Our cat came from cats protection and cost about £90 with all his vaccinations, worm and flea up to date, neutered etc. Right from the start he’s been completely house trained, settled in after a couple of days, he is calm and friendly unlikely some wild kittens we’ve had previously!

Thanks @DigbyTheDigger and @Chickentonights - this is immensely helpful. Rescue it is. And we shall be open minded as regards a more mature cat. Really appreciate the insights.

I’m sure as his Mum, OP knows what he can currently cope with, taking into account his fragile mental health.

What are you even on about? You’ve no idea about the lady who she was getting the kitten from. Do you expect OP to say her son now can’t have a kitten because that kitten died? Why are you so hung up on the words she’s using?

Hey, when we got our kittens - from a rescue - they said one would be chosen to stay with mum and they’d go as a pair. All the other kittens were paired off and adopted. So you could say that the owner decided to keep one kitten for the mum to have and you’ve found another one. I hope they’re had their jabs!

Thanks @User17865 ! As always with MN, 90% of contributors are helpful, supportive, constructive etc.

I want to do a good thing for my boy, that of course requires research, consideration, an appropriate home environment and proper due diligence etc. I’m no pet expert, but am willing to learn. Advice is what I was after.

And as a professional woman in her 40’s and lone parent to 3DC for the last 9 years - I’ve seen a bit of life and am a realist! But how depressing if we can’t ever make a positive (albeit less than expert) choice for our children.

The lady’s cat has recently had a litter. She does have a profile on a website (which, I’ve learned, may or may not be something to be concerned about.) Could be dodgy of course, but why should my son pay the price for that even if so.

The advice to get a rescue and possibly consider a mature cat is spot on.

Firstly, the woman on Pets4Homes sounds dodgy as and I wouldn’t go near them.

But secondly I wouldn’t tell your DS anything until you absolutely know you can adopt a rescue, because there’s a chance you won’t be.

I have a long-running thread on here about my experiences of trying to adopt kittens/an adult cat and I live in the same area as you. The majority of rescues around here either never return calls/emails, or in the case of Celia Hammond, I was rejected because I have a disability, even though they acknowledged I was clearly an experienced cat owner.

So I would approach the rescues first, but I would also consider whether maybe a different pet might be the answer if you’re not able to actually get a kitten/older cat.

Thank you @Longwhiskers - very nice way to broach it with him.

Thats very disappointing for you @WannabeKittens. I shan’t work off any assumptions in this case. Seems discriminatory if your disability was used as a reason for non eligibility. Sorry you’ve had to face this.

Plan B
Dont get kittens from ‘suppliers’…what even is that!
Get kittens and cats from a rescue charity.

Explain to your dc why adopting an unwanted animal is a good thing.

Ps.
We adopted ours from Battersea Cats and Dogs in the SouthEast.
They were wonderful

There is a rescue in west London called Mayhew and they have quite a few kittens at the moment

but I would also consider whether maybe a different pet might be the answer

the Op has ruled out dogs for practical reasons but if you are thinking along the rabbits or guinea-pigs line then consider how much work they are (a lot)

My DD and I kept guinea-pigs for eight years (we had 8 over this time at one stage a group of 5)

Our two adult cats are far far less work . Ok there's the litter trays , the vacuuming and the wanton vandalism of our soft furnishings .....but they're independant (when it suits them)
Rabbits aren't good childrens' pets and guinea-pigs have to be protected from everything .
Cats stick their heads out of the microchip catdoor and think "Rain. Nope"

I love the guinea-pigs dearly but they're not the cleverest and not a substitute if you want a cat .
But having said that , the cats ignore me . They love DH,DD and DS .