In the vein of "Chester draws"

[ShatnersWoodwind]

On a local selling page:

"Chabby Chique bedside tables".

😂

My late DM was deputy head of a primary school and the caretaker was quite a character. He used to describe things as being "state or the ark " instead of "state of the art", which rather changes the meaning! He also said "semi skilled milk"!

Sorry, should have put "state of the ark" there...

Or they may have been thinking of 'jazz up'?

Not being able to spell zhuzh isn't too surprising - afaik Polari developed more by being spoken than written

www.quickanddirtytips.com/articles/what-does-zhuzh-mean-and-why-is-it-so-hard-to-spell/

This one is a bit specialised but adding accents to Latin words elicits a brief eyebrow raise from me.
For example, a doctor might prescribe some drugs to be taken "nocte" ie at night. It's pronounced "knock-tay" so other HCPs sometimes write it in their notes as "nocté" thinking they're being clever.

(Having just typed "ie" above, I'm reminded that the interchangeable use of ie and eg drives me wild too.)

"Balling" instead of "bawling" 😳

Someone said their “big bear” was people parking in disabled spaces without a blue badge

😆

I enjoyed reading that article way too much!

My geeky Latin one is people who write "re" as "RE" / "r.e." / "re:" or similar. It's not an abbreviation, and RE in an email is short for "reply" (like "FW" means "forward").

Or "Matilin", as my MIL calls it; I wasn't sure what she was on about.

I just can't compute either of these - the shops have MATALAN on a huge sign above the entrance!

🤣🤣🤣

Try telling that to the locals of my hometown where, according to the Community Facebook Group we have;

Matalands
Tescoes
Asdas
Powndlandz
"The Home and Bargains"
Liddils
Aldis
The Cowop
Bee-en-emz

I don't understand this one?

Christadelphians is the correct name.

Thank you, I've never heard of them, had to Google.

9 carrot jewellery.

I'd come on to add that one. I saw it as all one word, though.

I always laugh when I see threads complaining about school mums being “clicky”. I can’t help picturing them snapping their fingers along to the sounds of a jukebox.

Many years back on a similar forum to this, someone accused me of behaving like a “pre Madonna”. Who would that be? Debbie Harry? Suzi Quattro?

A colleague persistently writes "where" instead of "were" in emails, e.g. "they where very keen to get on board with the idea". I want to smash my computer screen every time.

My boss (who's a director of the company) uses this!! Drives me insane!

As in, "I seen this women and her kid walk passed my house, the kid was balling is eyes out"

All of the others mentioned. Especially when people are trying to sell things or services and can't spell it puts me off.

One thing that really winds me up though is the amount of people wishing their mum or female relatives or friends a happy birthday for example and go on to state how much of a fabulous women they are 🙈
"Happy birthday mum, the best women in the world blah blah" she's a WOMAN
"Never see happy birthday dad, best men in the world"

Drives me insane, I know I need to get out more.

I've just read a thread title here and realised I hate "grab" when used instead of many other verbs such as "get" or "buy".
To me someone suggesting they're going to "grab" some shoes during their lunch break sounds like they're off on a shoplifting spree.
Obviously, I know they're not going off to steal some shoes.
But why "grab" instead of "buy"?

I loathe "grab bags" of, eg crisps, too.

What’s walla?

Voilà