Is this too much for another mum?

[Jellyworms]

Bit of background, one of the mums at school is celebrating her birthday next month. We aren’t what I would say close but say hi when we see each other have been around the house for lunch and our 6yo DS are friends but wouldn’t class as a close friend.
Another Mum has made plans that we all go out for the Mum‘s birthday to an event that is ticketed (15 a ticket) which I said I would go to.

Yesterday, I was added to a group chat where all the details were put in for the night out and then we was also asked to put in £35 each for a present for this mum
I feel incredibly awkward because that is a lot of money for someone that I’m not close with and if you factor it in the night out and the cost it does add up a month before Christmas. I mentioned to one of the mums that this is a lot and got a very rude response saying that they just expected everyone would be okay with it so now I feel like the only one with an issue although I’m sure others do but too scared to pipe up and say anything

AIBU to think this is extreme? For a best friend of course, but not for one of the school mums that is exactly a close friend? WWYD?

Just say sorry, I'm not in the group gift as I've sorted out my own gift. You may find others will post similar messages.

Then just spend what you want.

I've had this done to me and it's not as if is a long standing circle of friends where a group get together and group gift happens for everyone. Personally I don't really like gifting for and by adults unless close family or close friends. .

What on earth are they planning to buy for £35pp? I assume there are probably about 10 people in the chat so £300+. Wish I had mum friends who spend hundreds on me! Unless it’s a fairly posh school I would assume you’re not the only one who would be expecting to take their own gift or even just a card

So what of she went round for lunch? And what difference does it make if she reciprocated? £35 is a lot of money for most people to spend on a friend.

I wouldn’t be bullied into paying £35 towards a gift by someone.

Jeez. Even my very good friends when we pitched in fur a group present it was £20. I’d just say you can’t afford that or that you have already bought her (a much cheaper) gift.

This is definitely a case of one up man ship- I'm the best friend etc... Personally I'd treat the £15 as a sunk cost, be thankful i dodged a bullet and have a diary clash so would need to pull out.

Either bow out of the whole thing gracefully, probably the best option in this situation. Or just say you’re bringing your own gift. Either way be clear NOW. Organiser can’t justifiably be annoyed if you’re up front, but can if you let it fester.

i had a similar situation with a hen do, where bride’s sister was organising and asked for loads of money for this and that, including one particular item that was in poor taste and I wasn’t sure the bride would appreciate. The difference was it was a close friend so I just sucked it up. Afterwards it was clear the sister wanted an excuse to go shopping for a risqué item, nothing really to do with what the bride wanted!

Too much money. Buy her a small gift yourself.

I would vjust be honest and say £35 for a present is not in my budget.

Ditch the lot of them.

I think it’s strange you agreed to go to a birthday who you hardly know. I wouldn’t unless invited by the birthday girl

Same!! In fact we tend to buy small token gifts around the £10 mark.

Is she like the Queen Bee Mum, the one who everyone wants to like them, sounds like a bunch of arse lickers- I’d just say no thanks am sorting my own gift, how many Mums are going FFS £35 each is ridiculous

Message the other Mum back saying you already have a small gift so won't be contributing to the group present. Buy a bottle of wine & give it to the Mum when you go out. Don't be pressured into putting in to the collection if you don't want to. £35 is a lot for someone you hardly know.