Is this too much for another mum?

[Jellyworms]

Bit of background, one of the mums at school is celebrating her birthday next month. We aren’t what I would say close but say hi when we see each other have been around the house for lunch and our 6yo DS are friends but wouldn’t class as a close friend.
Another Mum has made plans that we all go out for the Mum‘s birthday to an event that is ticketed (15 a ticket) which I said I would go to.

Yesterday, I was added to a group chat where all the details were put in for the night out and then we was also asked to put in £35 each for a present for this mum
I feel incredibly awkward because that is a lot of money for someone that I’m not close with and if you factor it in the night out and the cost it does add up a month before Christmas. I mentioned to one of the mums that this is a lot and got a very rude response saying that they just expected everyone would be okay with it so now I feel like the only one with an issue although I’m sure others do but too scared to pipe up and say anything

AIBU to think this is extreme? For a best friend of course, but not for one of the school mums that is exactly a close friend? WWYD?

So beyond saying hi to one another, and one lunch, nothing more? Never socialised?

We will talk if we see each other have been invited for lunch with the kids, but No never socialised. I’ve only been at the school and living here a year.

.

so you went around to her house for lunch

did you reciprocate?

Eh what? Do you two know each other?

My mistake

Oh come on! No OP, you are not obligated to contribute £35. If you can't, either don't go or go and take your own present

I suspect you aren’t the only one on the group to think that £35 per person is a lot. Just speak up and say that’s too much - and offer to leave the group if no-one else thinks like you! Then buy something more appropriate from just you.

Unless you know the OP @Leagueofus how would you know this to be true:

I’m sure you didn’t get a very rude response

And why doubt what she’s saying?

I would just say you have got your own card and gift and get a bottle of wine or chocs. £35 is a lot of money. I’d spend that on a close relative for Xmas, not a school mum acquaintance. Are these women rich?

Yes this - buy your own gift. £35 for someone you are only friendly with is a lot.

Just think yourself lucky you didn't know her when these people were organising her hen do and her baby showers.😂

Reply saying you are sorry but you genuinely cannot afford an extra £35 at the moment, so either you come to the meal but bring your own gift, or you'll have to pull out altogether and just send her a card. Put the ball in their court.

What are they getting her and how many people are contributing? To be honest if I was the one who's birthday it was I'd be happy enough that people had made the effort and spent money to attend I really wouldn't expect a gift.

What did the rude response say?

I think £35 is a lot of money unless it’s a close friend. Are these women loaded?!

It seems oddly specific. I mean what is it going to be for?

I'd just say it's unfortunately above my budget so I'll put in a tenner. Or buy my own gift.

How many of people are going? £35 each! What are they buying her?! Would just say you have already sorted a present for her so won't be joining in with the group present.

£35 for a present for someone you don’t know that well is ridiculous! And for the person to just expect that is rude. I only buy a birthday present for like two of my close friends, none of my other friends and this works both ways. I would do what someone else suggested and say you’ve bought something already and buy a little token to get out of it or just say no but if you want to avoid ruffling feathers buy a little token for a fiver or something!

That £35 request can jog right off for someone you hardly know. You had one lunch at hers? Hardly a big deal, get off the group and just be honest Can't afford it end of. If others start this trend of big presents and meals out where the hell does it end?
Don't start it then you don't need to end it. So what if a few women think you're unkind [that can jog off too] do what is right for you OP.
If you did go don't hold your breath for a meal and a big present when it's your birthday. It prpbably will be the first and last time this happens, don't let them mug you guilt trip you either

Edit: Accidental post!

£525 for a gift!?

I don't even spend £35 on my sisters birthdays! (Unless it's a milestone one) so no way would I put that amount in a kitty for a school acquaintance. I would say you'll get your own gift for her and if the person organising kicks up a fuss just invent a family 'situation' and say you can no longer attend.

surely when you club in for a gift the individual about should be quite low - like £5 - £10. And together that makes a decent present.

If there are 10 of you chipping in that's a £350 present! Too much

Run as fast as you can. There is no way that I’d be part of that. They must be rich. A bottle of wine & a card would be as much as I’d go to. You ANBU.