Page 9 | How to politely inform parent that sibling is not invited?

ConstantlyConfusedMama · 2023-08-03T08:44:48+00:00

Hi everyone, Possibly a bit of a contentious topic, but here goes… We sent out invites for our youngest’s birthday party and on the invites we wrote each child’s name. One of the parents replied to me quoting both of their children’s names and saying “they” had received the invitation and “they” would love to come to the party. I found it a bit rude as it wasn’t even like they asked whether they could bring the other child. Also, I am aware that the other child is disruptive and honestly, I just don’t want them spoiling my child’s party. So, I now have to think of a polite (but assertive) way to reply stating that the sibling is not invited - any idea how to word it?!

HarrietJet · 04/08/2023 19:08

Overnightoats1 · 04/08/2023 18:07

I had this recently and it was fine-
Hi xx ! Normally I'd be very happy to have brothers and sisters at the party but we are really limited on numbers this time. Would it be okay if just xxx comes along? Sorry - I didn't realise you thought it was for them all! X

Why ask permission to not extend the invitation to siblings?? It evidently won't be ok with her and that's not op's concern.

Missingpop · 04/08/2023 19:57

Thank you for accepting; I think there might have been a misunderstanding, Dc has invited you Dc x Dc pain in the arse isn’t invited & due to the number I cannot accept extras sorry but not sorry & all that😂😂

Ilovecleaning · 04/08/2023 20:01

SayingwhatIreallythink · 03/08/2023 09:50

Are they twins?

Bloody daft question.

OneRedBalloon · 04/08/2023 20:53

Fair play to you OP, the parent was a CF and then tried to undermine you, saying you made an error in the uptake of their response. Truth became apparent when she changed her party acceptance to a decline. Standing up to people like this makes me feel awkward too but MN is perfect for soliciting the reply needed. Well done you, I know it's not easy!

royalwatch · 04/08/2023 21:49

If it’s a village hall, you can surely accommodate 1-2 siblings if that means they cant otherwise come

some just show up with siblings in tow

agonyau · 04/08/2023 21:53

I’ve never heard of a parent inviting a sibling (especially an older one) along without asking first, and I expect they know full well they are being rude and cheeky, what if all the parents did that? You’d end up catering for double the number of kids.

So simply reply “ha ha! Nice try! (Laughing emoji) , as you well know the invite was just for ….., please let my know if they are definitely coming without their brother/sister, thank you “ - no apology necessary.

Elephantsdontlikechocolate · 04/08/2023 22:19

SunnyCornishCove · 03/08/2023 10:00

Missing the point, but why would the sibling not be invited? What difference does it make?

If you allow one, you have to allow others or it's unfair. 30 invited kids x2.5 uninvited siblings and they are having a party for 75 kids most of whom aren't known to the birthday child.

Plus all the different ages of strange unknown to the host child kids change the dynamic and it's no longer a party but a mayhem.

It would be different if you were less generous and invited, say 2 or 3 of your friends and all of their kids (therefore all siblings invited) but there are normal people out there that invite their child's actual friends rather than mum's friends.

Presumably you wouldn't invite your own friends' siblings when you are having a party, why is it okay to impose on kids birthdays like this.

Elephantsdontlikechocolate · 04/08/2023 22:22

itwasntmetho · 03/08/2023 12:31

I thought you were NBU, until I realised the parent has to stay, now I think you're the one expecting too much, I wouldn't get childcare to sit at a random kids birthday party with one of mine either.

Then you do them a favour and don't go.

Elephantsdontlikechocolate · 04/08/2023 22:25

Seeline · 03/08/2023 10:24

Oh - you're one of those mums

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It's always the ones that are never generous enough to have a party (or they would known why it's not okay) that ask those questions.

Elephantsdontlikechocolate · 04/08/2023 22:33

QueefQueen80s · 03/08/2023 11:57

Most parties round here have been at village halls so a very open "More the merrier" attitude. Infact it's encouraged as parties wouldn't get a good turnout otherwise. The siblings bump the numbers and none would have showed otherwise as the parent couldn't get childcare for the non invited.

The ones that are limited numbers are different of course.

Almost all parents single parents and with childcare impossible to arrange? Where is such a place?
Why the need to hoax people, if there isn't enough of a relationship for them to show up, don't invite them. Have a thing at home.

Elephantsdontlikechocolate · 04/08/2023 22:36

Cardshark · 03/08/2023 12:08

The invited child is pre-school so I’m not overly comfortable with drop & go. So looks like they won’t be coming!

Hmm, if you're actually expecting parents to stay I do think you need to be more flexible re siblings attending.

For example, our school parties mostly take place at a local play venue. The local custom is that parents are welcome to bring siblings if the parent is staying at party, but they pay for entry and food for the siblings themselves. Otherwise childcare is an issue for lots of people.

Nice for those kids having a day out but not nice for the birthday child who wanted a birthday party with her friends

Elephantsdontlikechocolate · 04/08/2023 22:47

JenWillsiam · 03/08/2023 13:23

The kids aren’t invited to parties because of the mother. That’s excluding blameless kids. Not just kid.

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Soft play can cost £30 pp, inviting 5 of hers who aren't friends costs £150, and if her 1+5 are allowed, then others' should be allowed to.
Where it isn't cost per head, entertainers will also often have limits or the other issues.
And all the other concerns and issues it would cause.

Elephantsdontlikechocolate · 04/08/2023 22:54

Hannahsbananas · 03/08/2023 13:35

Kids in their class. Not random, never met before kids, if they vastly outnumber the kids they actually know?
Knowing only 5 or 6 kids out of a total of 30+ at your party is weird.

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Not hosted one myself, as PinkIced put it, think is almost always the reason for those questions.

Absolutely everyone should be invited as far as those none-hosts are concerned, as long as it's not them hosting.

QueefQueen80s · 04/08/2023 23:03

@Elephantsdontlikechocolate These party hosts are the ones offering to have siblings there and outright saying they are welcome, as they aware of childcare issues. Not being persuaded and pressured. Stop thinking small and realise theres a whole world of people out there doing things differently.

HarrietJet · 04/08/2023 23:06

QueefQueen80s · 04/08/2023 23:03

@Elephantsdontlikechocolate These party hosts are the ones offering to have siblings there and outright saying they are welcome, as they aware of childcare issues. Not being persuaded and pressured. Stop thinking small and realise theres a whole world of people out there doing things differently.

Yet, despite all these free for all's you've attended; you've never been generous enough to host one yourself? Maybe you should take your own advice and start thinking a little bigger?

Elephantsdontlikechocolate · 04/08/2023 23:08

Bouncyball23 · 03/08/2023 14:13

If its in a play centre she could just pay for the other child to go in and play.

The parent can't supervise the kid in the party room while the other kid is playing. They don't eat in a ballbit, it's usually only 45mins-1hour play, then party room.
The siblings play together or squabble.
It's shit for the birthday kid.
There are other reasons why it's prick behaviour.
Your kids are probably getting fewer invites than they would have were you not sabotaging their friends birthdays by being the one deciding that your other kids should attend too.
There will be parents specifically avoiding you.

Elephantsdontlikechocolate · 04/08/2023 23:10

IhearyouClemFandango · 03/08/2023 14:16

Surely people don't leave preschool age kids at a party anyway?

Usually not but on mumsnet sometimes yes. Usually bot children I guess

Elephantsdontlikechocolate · 04/08/2023 23:26

QueefQueen80s · 04/08/2023 00:33

@Hannahsbananas not my kids parties, but most I've been to. Young kids seem to have a better time running round with a bigger crowd, feeling like more kids came for them, they know of the other kids from school or pickup so not total strangers. These are just observations.. It happens at most parties round here. They've paid for entertainment so might as well get the most out of it, too much food, and want their kids actual friends to come so that means allowing siblings too. Maybe it's a Yorkshire thing, more the merrier attitude

You must have invited only some of your friends with their kids or something like it. You didn't invite 15 or 20 or 30 from the class or other places where your child may have friends.
Invite your kid's actual friends or even if just classmates and you won't need to bump it up with kids who are siblings unbeknowth to the birthday child.

QueefQueen80s · 05/08/2023 00:16

@HarrietJet No-one needs to host a party for a birthday, since when has that become a requirement of being a parent? In my kids classes less than 50% had/have parties. Some can't afford it. And I've never asked a host for siblings to attend, they've stated this at the outset. So no cheeky fuckery going on here.
I always buy the kids a present so it's not a free for all.
You seem a little sensitive about this..

Toomuchtrouble4me · 05/08/2023 00:16

SunnyCornishCove · 03/08/2023 10:00

Missing the point, but why would the sibling not be invited? What difference does it make?

Often pay per head but even if not - if you cater for 30 in a hall event and each brings a sibling you’ve got 60+ kids! Chaos. I once had a party and mother bought invited boy plus one older & two younger siblings! Thankfully most didn’t. After that I specified.

QueefQueen80s · 05/08/2023 00:18

@Elephantsdontlikechocolate You're not making any sense, these aren't my parties. These are parties I've attended. Host invites all class, allows siblings from the outset as know numbers will be higher that way.

QueefQueen80s · 05/08/2023 00:19

@Toomuchtrouble4me That's the thing though, they invite 30 but 8 might come so they say siblings too.

HarrietJet · 05/08/2023 00:52

QueefQueen80s · 05/08/2023 00:16

@HarrietJet No-one needs to host a party for a birthday, since when has that become a requirement of being a parent? In my kids classes less than 50% had/have parties. Some can't afford it. And I've never asked a host for siblings to attend, they've stated this at the outset. So no cheeky fuckery going on here.
I always buy the kids a present so it's not a free for all.
You seem a little sensitive about this..

I'm not remotely sensitive about this, strange comment to make...
You're both advocating people invite whole family groups to their child's party (telling posters not to think small!) and admitting that although you've been to plenty of these, you've never hosted one yourself.
Can you not see the irony?!

LoisLane66 · 05/08/2023 01:13

No two ways about it. Simply say that you are only catering for certain numbers and not the siblings of any child named on any invitation. Tell her it applies to everyone who received an invitation and you have decided that's what is manageable.
Don't cave in. If she makes a real fuss or gets nasty, tell her the real reason is that her uninvited child is too disruptive and you don't want to and shouldn't have to cope with that at your child's party.
Good luck and I hope everyone has a lovely time.

QueefQueen80s · 05/08/2023 01:16

No I can't. I'm not forcing these parents to do this, I'm just telling my experience. I'm not saying everyone should do it this way. Just sharing what it's like where I am. It has nothing to do with if I have parties myself or not.