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Original poster

How to politely inform parent that sibling is not invited?

251 replies

ConstantlyConfusedMama · 03/08/2023 09:44

Hi everyone,

Possibly a bit of a contentious topic, but here goes…

We sent out invites for our youngest’s birthday party and on the invites we wrote each child’s name.

One of the parents replied to me quoting both of their children’s names and saying “they” had received the invitation and “they” would love to come to the party.
I found it a bit rude as it wasn’t even like they asked whether they could bring the other child. Also, I am aware that the other child is disruptive and honestly, I just don’t want them spoiling my child’s party.

So, I now have to think of a polite (but assertive) way to reply stating that the sibling is not invited - any idea how to word it?!

OP posts:
ChiefWiggumsBoy · 03/08/2023 14:36

Absolutely mind-boggling how people will try to willfully misunderstand and twist what you're saying to excuse the mum!

@ConstantlyConfusedMama I have identical twin boys, I have never ever assumed that both are invited when only one name is on the invitation. I've had mums apologise as they're embarrassed, didn't realise they were twins and would have invited both - to which I always said they're in different classes and have different friends, I never would have expected it and neither would they!

If the mum didn't have anyone to look after the older child, the polite thing to do is ask if the other child can come. Not just assume.

Mumsanetta · 03/08/2023 14:37

I’m wondering if this is cultural? I’m in the Home Counties and have now hosted 3 class bday parties for my 5 year old. There has never been even a hint of a suggestion that siblings are welcome and these parties have included activity parties and village hall/park parties. No uninvited siblings have ever turned up either. Just as well because activity parties where we are generally cost circa £20 per child and no way am I paying for extra children that my child doesn’t know!

Iknowthis1 · 03/08/2023 14:37

Why is there an issue with child care and birthday parties? I see this on mumsnet all the time. I'm in Ireland, not the UK. Do parents stay at the party? It's pretty much unheard of here to bring extra kids to a birthday party but then parents generally don't stay either.

Someoneonlyyouknow · 03/08/2023 14:38

Figgygal · 03/08/2023 13:08

I didnt read it at all that they intended to bring more than the invited child tbh
For you to suggest theyve only replied they understood that bevause theyve been caught out and theyre a cf isn't making you look great tbh

Invitation was " Wendy is invited..."
Reply was "Wendy and Peter Pan can come. They are really looking forward..."
Response from OP "Sorry invitation is only for the named child, Wendy."
CF backpedalling "I knew that, accidentally said they instead of she. However, Wendy can't come because I have nobody to look after Peter Pan"

QueefQueen80s · 03/08/2023 14:44

Mumsanetta · 03/08/2023 14:37

I’m wondering if this is cultural? I’m in the Home Counties and have now hosted 3 class bday parties for my 5 year old. There has never been even a hint of a suggestion that siblings are welcome and these parties have included activity parties and village hall/park parties. No uninvited siblings have ever turned up either. Just as well because activity parties where we are generally cost circa £20 per child and no way am I paying for extra children that my child doesn’t know!

It's not about activity parties, it's the village hall type.

QueefQueen80s · 03/08/2023 14:45

Iknowthis1 · 03/08/2023 14:37

Why is there an issue with child care and birthday parties? I see this on mumsnet all the time. I'm in Ireland, not the UK. Do parents stay at the party? It's pretty much unheard of here to bring extra kids to a birthday party but then parents generally don't stay either.

Yes OP is referring to ones where parent stays.

MavisChunch29 · 03/08/2023 14:54

Mumsanetta · 03/08/2023 14:37

I’m wondering if this is cultural? I’m in the Home Counties and have now hosted 3 class bday parties for my 5 year old. There has never been even a hint of a suggestion that siblings are welcome and these parties have included activity parties and village hall/park parties. No uninvited siblings have ever turned up either. Just as well because activity parties where we are generally cost circa £20 per child and no way am I paying for extra children that my child doesn’t know!

Things seemed to change between DD1 and DD2 at school (4 school years apart). We had village hall type joint class parties with DD1 when she was 5- no unexpected guests, some people politely asked if they could bring siblings if they were struggling for childcare.

DD2 had a joint party at the village hall when she was 5 and it was a complete free for all, numerous uninvited siblings turned up, joined in with everything and queued up for party bags at the end. Really lucky that the other mum had organised a few extra just in case. The worst thing was that some people thought it was a family outing and there were two grannies who tucked it to the kids food before the kids had started eating! Total chav fest. Unbelievable.

Parties were definitely restricted to a select few friends after that.

MeridianB · 03/08/2023 14:55

The other mum has been really rude. She tried to accept for both then backtracked and lied. Cringe. You have nothing to feel bad about.

bunchofboys · 03/08/2023 14:59

SayingwhatIreallythink · 03/08/2023 09:50

Are they twins?

Even if they are sayingwhatireallythink - its rude. There is a mum in my sons class with boy / girl twins. She regularly finds a way to send the twin along to any party either twin is invited to where they are inevitably the only boy / girl.

Interestingly, when it came her her twins party they had seperate guest lists for their joint party.....

Silverbook · 03/08/2023 15:02

SunnyCornishCove · 03/08/2023 10:00

Missing the point, but why would the sibling not be invited? What difference does it make?

If you invited your friend round would it not be slightly odd for them to turn up with their sibling who you may or may not like?

bunchofboys · 03/08/2023 15:03

Why can't she drop and look after the sibling herself?

I have a bit of sympathy if you are expecting parents to stay. But in those circumstances my children know their subling is going to the party and they have to sit with me.

WickedSerious · 03/08/2023 15:04

Moraldilemma84 · 03/08/2023 12:49

Well done for standing your ground.

We have one of these in my dd’s class.
4 kids under 6 and she brings all of them, they run riot while she ignores them. Then she plonks all 4 at the food table, loads their plates up and expects a party bag for all of them. Have even witnessed her stashing food in the pram.
Her kids don’t get invited to parties anymore.

I remember a woman like this when my two were very young.She'd roll up with all four kids when only one had been invited,push them into the queue for party bags and laugh her tits off about taking home loads of food so that she wouldn't have to worry about cooking dinner.

She'd sometimes drag her husband along too so it wasn't as if there was no one available to look after the kids.

QueefQueen80s · 03/08/2023 15:18

bunchofboys · 03/08/2023 15:03

Why can't she drop and look after the sibling herself?

I have a bit of sympathy if you are expecting parents to stay. But in those circumstances my children know their subling is going to the party and they have to sit with me.

Because OP says it's not a drop party.

HopityHope · 03/08/2023 15:20

Yeh, she totally knew what she was doing and chanced it, then tried to save face and lie her way out. Or she recognised herself on here and didn’t think she would get 100% people saying she was a CFer

JusthereforXmas · 03/08/2023 15:30

SunnyCornishCove · 03/08/2023 10:00

Missing the point, but why would the sibling not be invited? What difference does it make?

Cost and numbers OBVIOUSLY.

Looking for my DS birthday and each child is £9.99-£29.99 for package pretty much everywhere. Even DIY ones usually have a maximum number of kids and you then have to add extra food, bigger cake, more party bags etc...

Most kids in my DS class have 2 siblings, am I fuck paying 3 times as much for kids we don't even know to attend.

JusthereforXmas · 03/08/2023 15:35

Iknowthis1 · 03/08/2023 14:37

Why is there an issue with child care and birthday parties? I see this on mumsnet all the time. I'm in Ireland, not the UK. Do parents stay at the party? It's pretty much unheard of here to bring extra kids to a birthday party but then parents generally don't stay either.

Because 1 parent cant be left in charge of 30 children... its a party not a daycare center.

Hannahsbananas · 03/08/2023 16:15

JusthereforXmas · 03/08/2023 15:35

Because 1 parent cant be left in charge of 30 children... its a party not a daycare center.

Show quote history

There’s no reason for one host to be in charge of 30 kids. Don’t most people rope in family / friends to help?
I’ve never seen a mum host a large party completely alone.

JusthereforXmas · 03/08/2023 16:33

Hannahsbananas · 03/08/2023 16:15

There’s no reason for one host to be in charge of 30 kids. Don’t most people rope in family / friends to help?
I’ve never seen a mum host a large party completely alone.

Show quote history

No not really. Ive never seen loads of family helping out at any party.

speaking for myself I don't really HAVE any family I was raised by a single mam who has now passed away. I do have a step dad and much younger half brother (who I didn't grow up with) who are not remotely interested in my kids (I could count on 1 hand the number of times they have seen them).

SirVixofVixHall · 03/08/2023 16:37

PragmaticWench · 03/08/2023 09:49

Unfortunately we can't include siblings for this party but we're looking forward to [named child] joining us.

This !
It is so rude to assume that siblings are invited to parties, if you allowed all siblings to come you would have double or triple the number of children , it would cost a fortune !

MaggieFS · 03/08/2023 16:41

ConstantlyConfusedMama · 03/08/2023 12:53

@UnicornStarfish My child whose party it is, is pre-school, as are her friends. So I would expect at that age, that a parent/adult would stay to supervise. I understand that causes childcare issues, I am in the same boat with parties for my children and have to juggle.

It is hard at that age, but also at that age, they are less likely to be aware they are missing out if they can't go.

enchantedsquirrelwood · 03/08/2023 16:44

Iknowthis1 · 03/08/2023 14:37

Why is there an issue with child care and birthday parties? I see this on mumsnet all the time. I'm in Ireland, not the UK. Do parents stay at the party? It's pretty much unheard of here to bring extra kids to a birthday party but then parents generally don't stay either.

It's only with kids who are about 4 or 5. Once they get a bit older you leave them at the party but there's a brief window where parents aren't usually that happy to have sole supervision of eg 30 kids and equally parents aren't always happy to leave their kids with someone they don't know very well. Once the kids get to about 6 it's not a problem anymore.

unihornandrainhoes · 03/08/2023 17:12

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RattleRattle · 03/08/2023 18:01

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LlynTegid · 03/08/2023 18:08

Good on you OP for replying as you did and that it is now no issue.

I wonder if given that the said sibling is difficult, the mum concerned wanted a bit of time to herself and was being hopeful.

newfloorplease · 03/08/2023 18:20

SunnyCornishCove · 03/08/2023 10:00

Missing the point, but why would the sibling not be invited? What difference does it make?

As the OP stated in her original post - the uninvited sibling is a bit disruptive and she doesn't want them there spoiling her child's party.