How to politely inform parent that sibling is not invited?

[ConstantlyConfusedMama]

Hi everyone,

Possibly a bit of a contentious topic, but here goes…

We sent out invites for our youngest’s birthday party and on the invites we wrote each child’s name.

One of the parents replied to me quoting both of their children’s names and saying “they” had received the invitation and “they” would love to come to the party.
I found it a bit rude as it wasn’t even like they asked whether they could bring the other child. Also, I am aware that the other child is disruptive and honestly, I just don’t want them spoiling my child’s party.

So, I now have to think of a polite (but assertive) way to reply stating that the sibling is not invited - any idea how to word it?!

Omg we had this at my child's birthday party... Someone assumed the younger sibling was also coming who we didn't know. Reluctantly agreed and then parent was like the boy is allergic to this that and the other and we ended up having to make a special mini birthday cake for him to take home. Never again!

Makes no difference

You get hardened to dealing with this as you get more experience of parties. If you don’t want siblings say that on the invitation. Similarly say if you’re expecting drop and go/someone to supervise. Some people absolutely take the piss with this. There are some venues where it is just clearly not suitable to expect the party parents to be responsible for loads of small children when they are pre-school.reception age. Soft play is the worst for this.

Sometimes there will be circs when childcare is a problem and I’d always be happy to have a conversation eg if there is a single parent with a 4yo but I have also found that siblings change the dynamic (and not for the better).

OP has specifically said she doesn't want the sibling there as they are disruptive.

It doesn't really matter that you enjoy having extra guests. Not everyone does.

My DD's birthday party was made better by siblings of her friends attending
How, exactly?!

Say that the invite doesn’t cover siblings, as it becomes cost prohibited and difficult to accommodate for everyone. And attach a link to this thread,

Because it bumps the numbers up!? This is my experience of my kids friends parties (village hall/soft play type) they have all let siblings go

How does rent a crowd make it better, though?
Do your children really have a better time when kids they don’t even know come to their parties??
It’s a very odd assumption, really.

@Hannahsbananas not my kids parties, but most I've been to. Young kids seem to have a better time running round with a bigger crowd, feeling like more kids came for them, they know of the other kids from school or pickup so not total strangers. These are just observations.. It happens at most parties round here. They've paid for entertainment so might as well get the most out of it, too much food, and want their kids actual friends to come so that means allowing siblings too. Maybe it's a Yorkshire thing, more the merrier attitude

When it's a whole class party it's definitely the less the merrier. Oh, three or four 5 year olds can't come out of the 27 invitees? Oh SHAME 😅

I suppose it depends on the party, when I had a church hall with an entertainer and provide my own food set up I didn’t really mind how many kids turned up (as long as I had an idea for catering) and they all run riot anyway so it would be hard to ‘disrupt’ although I had one Mum who had 4 kids and used to want to bring them all but they all had severe allergies and it used to feel like a chore having to provide different food - especially when she never invited my DC to any of the parties she had over the years. I also used to never understand why some families ALL come to a party having asked if a sibling can attend and then Mum, Dad and children all turn up? Why not leave sibling home with one parent and the other come? I’d have had to drag my husband there kicking and screaming so he was always happy to stay home with the child who wasn’t invited. It gets much easier when you have a ‘drop and go’ situation. I think you sound to have tackled this CF head on OP - well done, she was obviously hoping to bulldoze a sibling invite. I’d have been irritated by that too.

Jimmy Reckon!

she must think your head zips up at the back! What an idiot!

you did nothing wrong and she was absolutely a CF!

bet she’s got form.

It used to really do my head in when people did this. My ds had a friend who's mother always wanted the younger sibling to come along. My ds didn't like the younger sibling and wanted a grown up party so even his own younger sibling wasn't invited. We were going to do a specific activity where it was not open to the public. Despite being told that it was just for the older sibling repeatedly when the mother kept saying 'but I'll pay for him' she still turned up with the sibling. I totally blanked her and told the instructors he was not included. She then stood there arguing with them that the sibling should be allowed to pay to join in. They pointed out that they were closed and she would have to come back in an hour.

Bizzare question. Why WOULD they!!

Some of these parties sound extremely stressful and so expensive. I’m under 30, but never had a whole class party - just an all the girls party when I turned 10 and until I was about 14, then it turned to 3-4 best friends only. Until then it was max 10 close friends. When I was 3-4, it was more like 2 cousins and 3 neighbours who were our best friends. All parties always drop off, always in people’s own houses (no matter how small), no paid entertainment. If I hosted one now, I’d do the same because I have such good memories from all my childhood parties - I’d have 5-10 of their closest friends whether it’s from school, neighbours or hobbies. Give presents, sit down to have some savoury and sweet food, blow candles and sing happy birthday, eat the cake together (in our culture it’s still pretty normal to have a homemade cake, like strawberries and cream, a Swiss roll or a chocolate cake and you eat it during the party), play 3-4 simple party games, have a “disco” (lights turned down and music on) and free play. If the weather is good we’d always play the games in the garden. 2-2.5h tops. Probably wouldn’t do party bags. Pay for the food and make cake yourself (you can make one for under £15), that’s it, no more money spent. Brilliant memories with kids they like. Having 30 5-year olds doing soft play for 3 hours sounds like a stress and an expense I don’t need in my life.

@Cottontail8 People do whole class parties when their kids just start school/nursery because they are concerned about not leaving people out and there's often friends from outside school (eg mum's friends kids) who need inviting too. My kids are early 20s and that was the norm for their age too- very unusual not to have a party until age 10.

@Cottontail8 Did you attend a birthday party before you were 10? I am older than you but have memories of attending at least 2 McDonalds parties and I went to an ordinary state school.

In ours, it's pretty standard to have the whole class (all under 10 years, class size max 15). Im expecting to spend close to £400 for entertainment, £100 for food/party bags, £70 for cake. This year ill probably do some games myself as well. Id say every single party we have attended has had entertainers, and some have spent £200 on cakes alone. Im fine with siblings as will be at home, but completely understand when you are paying for soft play etc.

Went to tonnes of parties, but haven’t ever been to a McDonalds party. They were all at home. Like I said I’m not originally from the U.K. so perhaps it’s that. They just weren’t a thing for us and to be honest I’m glad they weren’t - I think we much preferred running outside and playing games that our parents had set up. I went to one bowling party when I was about 10-11 and one forest party (pancakes on the fire etc.) when I was about 8 but otherwise all other parties I’ve been to have been at home.

That’s insane. I’d expect to pay max £15 for a cake as I would always make it myself. Then make stuff like mini pizzas, sandwiches, crisps, sweeties etc. Our “entertainment” was my parents setting up 3-4 party games, which is what I’m planning to do for my kids in a few years’ time 😆

Like I said, we had parties, but just because you don’t invite 20-30 people doesn’t mean it’s not a party. If there are 7 kids, balloons, birthday cake, games and presents it’s a party. I get where people are coming from concerning “leaving people out” but if you’re only inviting some of the closest friends rather than leaving out 2-3 then I see no issue. I think I’d rather they go to 4 parties in a year that they love because it’s with their closest friends than 25 whole-class ones that are huge. If there are 30 children in a class and you invite 10, you’re not excluding them, you’re just inviting the child’s best friends. Equally if it’s a mix of kids from school, hobbies, relatives, neighbours then there’s no need to even make it about their class.

OP there is always a chance people will bring siblings anyway.
We had my son's party at the start of July and two parents dropped both the invited child and an older sibling and ran. One didn't even come in the door for the party, just dropped them in the car park.

So a party full of 5/6 year olds was gate crashed by two rowdy 10 year olds.

It could still happen. The person who said make sure you are on the door isn't wrong

I had this recently and it was fine-
Hi xx ! Normally I'd be very happy to have brothers and sisters at the party but we are really limited on numbers this time. Would it be okay if just xxx comes along? Sorry - I didn't realise you thought it was for them all! X

Yep perfect.

This is perfect