Son turning 7 and I'd like to say no need to bring presents to his party. Thoughts please.

[lulufox]

Hi Folks never posted before so please be kind. My son is turning 7 son and I'm really keen to put on his invitation XXXX would love you to come to his party. Please no need to bring a present, just you. Or words to that effect. I've spoken with my son about this and agreed he can get a football strip from us as a family in lieu of presents and he's up for it and I know he'd use that.

If I got an invite like this I'd be DELIGHTED but I'd be interested to know how others would feel. We still have lots of stuff he hasn't used from last year's party. I'd just love to stop the need for presents as I feel like everyone I know hates it but noone does anything to try and stop the flow of plastic!

Like I say please be kind. I've always been rather reticent to post.

Any other wording suggestions gratefully received

"Presence not presents" is something I've seen before

I agree, I would have been delighted to have seen that on a party invitation!

Morning! It’s a lovely idea but I think most people will ignore it unfortunately. It feels odd to turn up to a 7 yr old’s party empty handed so I think I would have brought something anyway 😬. By 11 it appears to be cash only but this is unusual at 7!

I think it’s ace. I never really did birthday parties for mine as we had such a big family but I’d have loved to see this on an invitation. I am sure there are some kids who don’t go to a party as their families can’t afford the gift.

@BIWI i love the idea of presence not presents

I tried this one year when my daughter was young and we had a big all class party, most people ignored it and a couple put cash in the card. I think a couple definitely implied I was being odd. I think people like buying presents for kids.

I genuinely don't see why it's odd?!?! Also cost of living and stuff I know some people struggle so it's a way of making it not an issue. And genuine question, why would you ignore someone's polite request? I'd be more offended by someone ignoring than them turning up empty handed.

I also agree people feel weird turning up with nothing, so you could always say that he's saving for a football kit and would love a £3-5 maximum voucher or cash towards it?

If I got this I would probably ignore it and still send a gift for fear of looking rude? I think it's just drilled into us we must bring a gift!

I think most people will ignore it as it seems rude to turn up with no present. I would probably give a card with some money in it.

Presents are for him, but you. You shouldn’t decide on his behalf not to have them. If you’re worried about people being able to afford them, then say nothing over £5 or something like that. It’s also up to other people what they can or cannot afford, not you.

God I realise I'm up against it. It just makes me so sad that people spend money and not all of it will get used. And as for giving cash that's definitely a new phenomenon and never happened like 30 years ago unless it just didn't happen in my village 🤣

I’d ignore it. I know what you are saying but I couldn’t turn up with nothing. I’d probably stick £5 or £10 in a card.

People will ignore it. I would ask for coins towards a large present.

I have done this before, several times, and except in the circle where all families did this too (think outdoor school “hippie” type thing) everyone brought a present regardless.

Sometimes it’s better to ask for something cheap instead, so, instead of present bring a balloon with your face on it, or a lollipop or whatever.

I think it’s a lovely idea. I have friends who worry about a present for parties their kids go to as they just can’t afford it. It’s one of them, if people want to bring one they will but your making it clear it’s not expected.

And I realise this is why I don't do Mumsnet. I discussed with my son and we came to an agreement I didn't enforce it on him. I explained about the fact half the things he got last year were unopened and unused. And I am not deciding what people can afford but I am just thinking our party can be one less thing.

I would think this was weird to be honest.
Let people buy what they want, and after the party you can sit with your son and go through the presents- keep a few and donate the rest to a refuge / food bank?

That's a great idea!

My eldest DD is 8, we've had a couple of birthdays (turning 9) where the parents have just said "don't worry about a present" or "no need for presents". I don't like sending her with nothing so have done a card and chocolates - still feels mean though! Also DD will definitely want presents at her birthday party later this year so then it feels very unequal, as I won't be requesting no gifts for her party!

I have been tempted to do the same with my DC. But I think you would have to be more direct, eg "No gifts please" because if there is any ambiguity people will err on the side of bringing a gift.

Why is it weird? Genuinely just don't get it and keen to know why you think it's weird.

The asking for coins towards a large presents seems very odd to me. I'd be offended if someone asked for that.

Thank goodness I'm not alone in the world!

Because it's an accepted part of our culture that gifts are given on birthdays?? So if you go to a birthday party, you take a gift for the person who's birthday you are celebrating.

Cash in the card has started in my dd's circle but it wasn't happening at 7. Now they are older (turning 9) it's getting more common.

Tell them your son would like to have a collection for his favourite charity, because he feels he is a lucky boy with good friends and a great family. Tell them there is going to be a collection box somewhere inconspicuous for people to drop anything they want in, no fanfare.

Well done OP. Birthdays are about love, not money.