Son turning 7 and I'd like to say no need to bring presents to his party. Thoughts please.

[lulufox]

Hi Folks never posted before so please be kind. My son is turning 7 son and I'm really keen to put on his invitation XXXX would love you to come to his party. Please no need to bring a present, just you. Or words to that effect. I've spoken with my son about this and agreed he can get a football strip from us as a family in lieu of presents and he's up for it and I know he'd use that.

If I got an invite like this I'd be DELIGHTED but I'd be interested to know how others would feel. We still have lots of stuff he hasn't used from last year's party. I'd just love to stop the need for presents as I feel like everyone I know hates it but noone does anything to try and stop the flow of plastic!

Like I say please be kind. I've always been rather reticent to post.

Any other wording suggestions gratefully received

Why would people ignore it? As long as it was clear on the invitation that he doesn't want gifts then I'd do as asked.

How many coming ?

You may get people who sort of want to respect your wishes but can't override that feeling that they are doing wrong by turning up empty handed. It would be different too if your child were 1 as would have no knowledge of it but at 7 you may get people who choose to override your wishes as they feel your child may not wish the same and be sad not to have any presents at his party because they or their children would be sad. Not saying that's right but I think some people are like that.

DS never really played with many toys apart from Lego but at 7 still enjoyed receiving gifts. Many of his presents have gone to charity brand new in packaging so we don't feel they have been wasted as hopefully benefited someone else. From about 8 he was mostly given cash in a card.

It’s a bit unfair on your son. He goes to other parties and sees people taking presents. He’s probably looking forward to receiving presents on his birthday, and will be disappointed if he has nothing to open.

If your child has asked for this, I would agree, if it is your over ruling it then no I think you are being unfair

It’s a great idea and also when mine were younger I would love this. However, the children invited to the party will want to bring a gift 🎁 irrespective of what their parents say I feel.

Tbh I would just do it. Maybe you’ll start a trend at your child’s school.

I was tempted for my son's recent birthday (also turning 7) because that's what I would want at a birthday party. However, he got a big pile of presents and he was absolutely delighted. It was so, so exciting for him to see what his friends had brought for him.

Despite me thinking it would just be a big pile of 'stuff' and plastic, it was actually loads of lovely, thoughtful presents. Some were things we had never seen/thought of buying for him. Any doubles or things he wasn't so keen on have been put to the side to give away. He loved everything though from bouncy balls and packet of sweets to massive Lego sets and everything in between.

I think at 7 getting presents is incredibly exciting. They aren't little for long and they don't do these big parties for long either. I'm really glad I didn't go with 'no presents' or anything similar.

I think it's mean.

Our school did a thing where a year group said we are all not doing presents please contribute to our bank account and someone collects loads of money on behalf of the party person as a group gift, and you have to do a bank transfer! I can see the attraction, and the birthday parent gets like £200 to spend on their child. But it's so horrifically transactional and economic... it strips out wrapping, choosing, thinking about your friend, going to some trouble for them, all these little boys just not even thinking about that, going to party after party. I feel icky about it.

We try to avoid presents for large parties (like if they invite the class). Like you I hate the waste. I also have twins that like to have joint parties and it avoids people thinking they have to buy for both. We have tried asking for nothing (presence not presents type line) - a lot of people ignored , some seemed to think that meant we were asking for cash 😳. Fiver/toonie parties are becoming more popular here and worked well for us - I think people feel happier bringing something. Or asking for donations to the food bank/animal shelter.

I accept giving gifts is a part of our culture but I just find adding your present to a mountain of presents which just gets lost in the plastic noise is not really great. I think presents are more from family and close friends and otherwise having a gathering with all your friends doesn't need a present. This party will probably have 15-20 people and he doesn't need 15-20 more things and surely we also have a bit agency in saying, actually this is all a bit crazy?!?

You don't do Mumsnet because people don't necessarily agree with you? What did you post for then if not for a bit of debate?

Thank you and I really appreciate responses like this rather than saying I'm rude, which I'm not

Round here a lovely Mum started the trend of no present, but a coin for the piggy bank a few years ago.

Its a great idea, the kids all love it. The done thing is that the kids give cards and an adult, if they wish, puts the coin in the bank so the children don’t know who gave what.

Most people put £2 in which mounts up to a decent amount for the child to spend, but also takes pressure off people who haven’t got anything.

We find now that people don’t decline parties through lack of funds like they used to when presents were a thing as they now don’t risk their child being the only one to turn up with no gift.

How many are coming??

15-20

sure

say no prezzies presence only

but graciously and happily receive if anyone does bring

job done

That's a nice idea. Thank you I appreciate the positive responses x

We went to a birthday party recently,a school friend of my son's her 6th birthday & it was in a play centre. Her parents had on the invitation it was a €5 birthday party,they didn't want anything over €5 as they would prefer the kids to be there rather than gifts etc, I put €10 in the card because they were very gracious & understanding of the fact that I'm a single mom to 2 my 5 year old & 2 year old &:I'd need to bring both,I said I'd pay for my youngest as I wasn't trying to be cheeky but they included him in the party number including price in,food & party bag,I was incredibly grateful & touched so the €10 felt right to me 🙂

Thanks x

No presents please is becoming a common request in my country.
We enjoy the home made cards from the children.
I think it is a fantastic request.

It's when people don't read the initial message. I see it all the time, people just see what they want to see. Deleting post anyway and account because I realise there's more to life than arguing with people I don't know!

Ergh the first time I took a child to a whole class 'no presents' party me and one other mum were the only ones that complied with the invite and didn't bring anything and we both felt really really awkward.

The hosting parents were clearly mortified as well as their reason for not wanting presents was because they had a very low budget and had literally just wanted a get together in the park with a couple of bags of crisps, fizzy pop and a pass the parcel without feeling obligated to spend more because people would be bringing presents.

You realise that this is why you don’t do mumsnet? Did you expect every single person to agree with you? You’ve had a balanced response of some in agreement and some not- surely that’s indicative of the response in the general public or at your school? Which should be useful really.

personally, I find 7 year olds love presents. If I had a chat with my 7yo about not having 20 extra presents she’d probably agree to appease me but in actual fact like most children, would really enjoy opening gifts. For her 7th birthday she got some lovely gifts that I wouldn’t have thought of like sewing, clay and certain games. Ones that she wouldn’t use I just regifted (making sure not to regift to the giver of course!).

Deleting post and account because some people don’t agree- cringe