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Parties/celebrations

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Original poster

Son turning 7 and I'd like to say no need to bring presents to his party. Thoughts please.

129 replies

lulufox · 11/03/2023 08:41

Hi Folks never posted before so please be kind. My son is turning 7 son and I'm really keen to put on his invitation XXXX would love you to come to his party. Please no need to bring a present, just you. Or words to that effect. I've spoken with my son about this and agreed he can get a football strip from us as a family in lieu of presents and he's up for it and I know he'd use that.

If I got an invite like this I'd be DELIGHTED but I'd be interested to know how others would feel. We still have lots of stuff he hasn't used from last year's party. I'd just love to stop the need for presents as I feel like everyone I know hates it but noone does anything to try and stop the flow of plastic!

Like I say please be kind. I've always been rather reticent to post.

Any other wording suggestions gratefully received

OP posts:
curtaintwitcher23 · 11/03/2023 09:28

It's a brilliant idea , see also party bags.
Buying gifts for kids I didn't even know when I had no money used to be very stressful.
Most kids have more than enough of everything these days and the gifts are not cherished,there's no joy in giving money.
Go for it and it'll be a bit less plastic to chuck in landfill , I bet you start a thing.

WiIson · 11/03/2023 09:28

I did that once. Everyone brought a present anyway. In fairness, kids do love opening presents, even if you are still clearing out plastic tat ten years later.

caringcarer · 11/03/2023 09:28

Just say please no gifts for birthday boy but donate an item to food bank if you wish.

IWineAndDontDine · 11/03/2023 09:32

lulufox · 11/03/2023 08:48

I genuinely don't see why it's odd?!?! Also cost of living and stuff I know some people struggle so it's a way of making it not an issue. And genuine question, why would you ignore someone's polite request? I'd be more offended by someone ignoring than them turning up empty handed.

I don't think it's odd at all. I think it's a shame people feel obliged to spend their hard earned money on a present for a child (that they may or may not like) just so their child can celebrate with them. I've always said "no presents" for my kids for now whilst they are young and don't care as they get presents from my family. But I worry for when they are older as I don't want them to miss out if they see all their other friends get presents from their friends. If it became the norm not to take presents to party's though I'd be thrilled. What a weight lifted off everyone's shoulders, not cringing about taking £10 out of the grocery budget just so people don't shun you.

Lastnamedidntstick · 11/03/2023 09:40

for my dc a big part of a birthday invitation was picking out and buying a present for their friend.

it taught them to enjoy giving, and to budget as I’d say they could spend up to £5-£10 in the shop.

so I’d be a little bit disappointed from that pov.

rather than no presents could there be a theme? Goats from oxfam, sponsor a lion/sheep/donkey/rabbit at a local zoo or rescue on his behalf? A lot of small charities have amazon wish lists?

then you get the fun of present buying if you want, your son will enjoy seeing his presents, but the cash all goes to good causes.

fairydust11 · 11/03/2023 09:43

I’ve had a few invites for my children like this - but I would always still get presents or put money in a card - my reasoning is the - presence not presents - is coming from the parent and not the child (in my opinion) also my children would want to buy their friend a gift (or give them money) for their birthday.
I think if you put it on the invites it’s nice thing to do and maybe helps a small percentage of parents - although I’d expect the majority will still buy a present or put cash in a card.

MaryKateDanaher · 11/03/2023 09:44

I'm with you OP, I wanted to do the same recently for DD's party but bottled it. She's ended up with 26 gifts, mostly craft stuff thankfully but we're still unwrapping it all. I'm definitely going to do it next year.

LucyLeave · 11/03/2023 09:45

I wouldn't want to donate to a food bank instead. Kids birthday parties are for the kids. Not for the parents to virtual signal.

Singleandproud · 11/03/2023 09:45

Teaching children to give and think of their friends is an important skill too.

As for presents that don't get used, surely after a while if your child is not interested it goes in the "present drawer" to be regifted (careful not to give to the person who bought it) or given to the school at Christmas etc for a raffle?

PotatoFacedWombat · 11/03/2023 09:47

Your 7-y-o agreed to this- But a lot of 7-y-olds would agree to anything if convinced by mummy. They're so young! And especially if they'd just been told about plastic waste etc- Your child will probably absolutely mean it now, and he genuinely won't want gifts because mummy has pointed out how wasteful they can be etc. However, he may feel differently on the day itself. He will have been to enough birthdays to know that this way, he's going without.

I absolutely agree with you on waste, mountains of plastic etc, but I can't see why you wouldn't just give the excess to charity. That way, your DC won't miss out on the joy of receiving, your guests won't miss out on the joy of giving, and your DC can feel proactive in helping those that are less fortunate than himself.

Luredbyapomegranate · 11/03/2023 09:47

I would certainly say it - far too much tat. I think most people will be delighted.

What I would do though is provide a link for a charity that does books or toys for kids in need and say donate to this if you want. Find one that emails the donator a card to put in your son’s b’day card, so those that feel they need to do something get that need satisfied.

PaigeMatthews · 11/03/2023 09:50

Ginger1982 · 11/03/2023 09:16

You don't do Mumsnet because people don't necessarily agree with you? What did you post for then if not for a bit of debate?

Show quote history

Was going to say the same.

the thing is op, your request is rude, but not just because when you attend a party cultural etiquette is that you take a gift. You are saying you don't want a pile of crap your son will not want or use. You are saying you are too good for what measly offerings the plebs in his class will bring.

LucyLeave · 11/03/2023 09:50

Most parents might be delighted It's not their birthday party though is it. And no I wouldn't want to be told which charity to donate to.

CiaoTutti · 11/03/2023 09:50

A few parties we have been to have invited children to bring a book to swap instead of bringing a gift (also means no plastic party bag-type stuff). The children have enjoyed this.

PaigeMatthews · 11/03/2023 09:51

PotatoFacedWombat · 11/03/2023 09:47

Your 7-y-o agreed to this- But a lot of 7-y-olds would agree to anything if convinced by mummy. They're so young! And especially if they'd just been told about plastic waste etc- Your child will probably absolutely mean it now, and he genuinely won't want gifts because mummy has pointed out how wasteful they can be etc. However, he may feel differently on the day itself. He will have been to enough birthdays to know that this way, he's going without.

I absolutely agree with you on waste, mountains of plastic etc, but I can't see why you wouldn't just give the excess to charity. That way, your DC won't miss out on the joy of receiving, your guests won't miss out on the joy of giving, and your DC can feel proactive in helping those that are less fortunate than himself.

this also. Poor kid. Pressured to have no birthday presents because mummy wants to be better than everyone else.

if it was his idea he would have come to you with it. He didnt.

Anewuser · 11/03/2023 09:54

I don’t think it’s weird at all. Definitely use ‘Presence not presents’.

People will then either, ignore you and bring a present anyway (which you then donate to charity), or give cash (which you’re son will be happy with/or you can donate to charity).

TwigTheWonderKid · 11/03/2023 09:55

I totally get where you are coming from and the way the planet is heading think it's really important that we and the next generation challenge assumptions and uneccesary consumption.

Trouble is, by saying no presents the sub text of that might be " because I know you might not be able to afford it", which could have the opposite effect on someone who is struggling but doesn't want that broadcast. And the other message is "because your present will not be used/wanted", which is a bit rude.

I think you should say no presents but accept some will be brought and if so, donate those to families in need.

LucyLeave · 11/03/2023 10:08

I can't believe there are parents who would give away their childrens presents and birthday money. I only hope they give away any presents their friends give to them on their birthdays.

Ihatethenewlook · 11/03/2023 10:10

LucyLeave · 11/03/2023 09:45

I wouldn't want to donate to a food bank instead. Kids birthday parties are for the kids. Not for the parents to virtual signal.

This! Absolutely shit for the child whose mum had managed to make them feel greedy to the point they felt that they had to agree with her that their friends aren’t allowed to buy them any birthday presents. And also pretty judgemental to assume that all the presents are going to be shit. I absolutely guarantee that of course the little boy wants some birthday presents off his friends! And anyone who told me I wasn’t allowed to go and pick a lovely present for my child’s friends birthday, but instead they wanted me to give my hard earned cash to some random charity, or to sponsor a bloody goat like pp has suggested can get to fuck. I want to enjoy the excitement and happiness of the birthday child, not some smug virtue signalling mum wanting a pat on the back for taking her child’s money and giving it to a donkey! If the op wants to support a charity then she can donate his toys if she’s so convinced that all he’s going to get is plastic tat.

letitkeepgoing · 11/03/2023 10:17

You could set up a justgiving page with the proceeds going to a charity that provides toys for children who don't have much. Then you can just say something like, 'X is looking forward to seeing you all and we're just looking forward to your presence so there's no need to bring a present. But if you'd like to help donate a present to a child who doesn't have much...here's a link'.

Lcb123 · 11/03/2023 10:18

I think it’s a great idea and I wish more parents would do this, so it becomes the norm. Half the posts on here are about stress of cleaning / running a house and the first thing to make that easier is have less stuff. I want my kids to learn that experience and time with friends is far more important than possessions

LucyLeave · 11/03/2023 10:21

Lcb123 · 11/03/2023 10:18

I think it’s a great idea and I wish more parents would do this, so it becomes the norm. Half the posts on here are about stress of cleaning / running a house and the first thing to make that easier is have less stuff. I want my kids to learn that experience and time with friends is far more important than possessions

As long as you practice what you preach and tell your friends not to buy you anything for your birthday or buy a donkey instead.

Tourmalines · 11/03/2023 10:26

I would feel sorry for any kid that was having a birthday party where all it’s friends were coming but yet not any gifts. It’s a bit mean .

nofluffsgiven · 11/03/2023 10:42

I think you'd have to write it in a way that you don't want anyone to bring gifts, because if you write it in a way that is optional, people will still feel like they have to get one because other people would be and I know if it was me I wouldn't want to look like the tight or skint parent. But if you wrote "Please don't bring gifts, we just want your company" then that's a bit more direct and I would feel better about not bringing one

DidyouNO · 11/03/2023 10:46

I've tried this on several occasions and it got ignored by everyone 😂. It's really lovely that people want to buy him things but he's the youngest of four and we have sooooo much stuff!!