Son turning 7 and I'd like to say no need to bring presents to his party. Thoughts please.

[lulufox]

Hi Folks never posted before so please be kind. My son is turning 7 son and I'm really keen to put on his invitation XXXX would love you to come to his party. Please no need to bring a present, just you. Or words to that effect. I've spoken with my son about this and agreed he can get a football strip from us as a family in lieu of presents and he's up for it and I know he'd use that.

If I got an invite like this I'd be DELIGHTED but I'd be interested to know how others would feel. We still have lots of stuff he hasn't used from last year's party. I'd just love to stop the need for presents as I feel like everyone I know hates it but noone does anything to try and stop the flow of plastic!

Like I say please be kind. I've always been rather reticent to post.

Any other wording suggestions gratefully received

@wilson Then we’ll have to agree to disagree on that one!

I asked for no presents for DDs first birthday. She DC 3 and I just didn't want anymore crap in the house. A couple of people who came bought me flowers, I think some people feel awkward turning up with nothing.

Maybe ask for cards only? I might stick some money in the card, if I/my child really felt the need to give something.

Wow I see lots of people saying that cash is a thing ?! Is it really ? Or is it a british thing ? Or a MN thing ?

My kids just started school so we're looking at a lot of birthday parties, but giving cash seems really weird to me, even for older kids. I'd give either a gift or nothing tbh. Money seems a bit "I couldn't be arsed to buy something."

I might give money for a family member if specifically told they were saving for something big. Other than that no. If we were invited to a classmate's birthday party and the invite asked for money I'd find that awkward and a bit crass, and probably wouldn't go on that basis.

But I'm not british not living in the UK so maybe it's a culture thing ?

Jadviga it's pretty much the same in the UK as well although cash is more acceptable when they are older. Although I think cash or nothing would be better than tat.

We've had an invite this weeks saying no presents just your presence and I'll put some money in a card as to not send anything doesn't sit well with me.

My daughter also had an invite when she was younger saying "no presents but xxxx would like a new scooter so a little bit of birthday money would be appreciated" which was a nice idea - far better than a pile of stuff!

Why is it any different for a family member or a classmate?

My DD has a big Lego set that is her “party Lego set” because it was bought with the coins put in the piggy bank at her party.

its an idea that’s really taken off round here and the kids all love it even more than the parents (who are all relieved at not having to source 20+ gifts every year).

I did this and just said on the invite - no presents just bring yourself. Some ignored that and some didn't.

Could you sell on any unwanted gifts on Vinted and then your son can have the money towards his football strip? We do that if we get any duplicate gifts and the money goes into the kids piggy banks, or I leave it in my Vinted account as generally it's for the kids I'm buying stuff off there anyway

Another vote for having a smaller party or donate any unwanted gifts to charity.

Poor kid. Have you forgotten how exciting it is to rio open gifts. Its pretty tragic in my opinion. One day a year is hardly going to end plastic consumption so that's a poor excuse, I think its more you don't want the mess or the toys. You should be watching the way you live on a daily basis to end climate change and the war on plastic. I'd ignore the request, I refuse to do that to a 7 year old child

What 7 year old do you know that request no gifts!!

Well, as a teacher in the current cash-strapped climate, I reckon you should have a glue-stick party! 😉 The kids all bring glue-sticks and your son has the unending appreciation of the teacher when he takes them into school!!! 😂😂

As a mum, I tried the "no presents" thing a couple of times and it didn't really work. Only a couple of people listened and they then felt awkward and embarrassed.

I agree here. I’d only do it if they’ve asked for this

OP, I have done no-gift parties for years (and they’ve even caught on in my friendship circle). It’s fine to want no gifts. It’s the parents’ home and they have the right not to have to deal with a sea of plastic, or taking stuff to the charity shop. Most kids have more than enough stuff these days.

If you are going to do no^gifts, you need to be really clear and level with people. Don’t make silly remarks about “Presence not presents” or say “No need for gifts” - people will think you don’t really mean it and will turn up with one anyway (or worse, some people will bring a gift, others won’t bring one and will feel embarrassed when other people turn up with gifts, and it will lead to bad feeling).

If you want to do a no-gift party, you need to send a clear message explaining that this is a no-gift party and that you cannot accept gifts; you should also explain the reason for this (clutter, space, being overwhelmed with stuff), and add that “If some people bring a gift anyway, other people who did not bring a gift will see this and think ‘oh, should I have brought one?”and will feel embarrassed. So we’re asking everyone to please respect the request and not bring any gifts, to avoid awkward situations.” You should then close with a suggestion that people could contribute a food item to the party instead if they don’t want to be empty handed, like a carton of juice, crackers, fruit, crisps, whatever.

In many years of parties, I’ve never had a single person show up with a gift in spite of the above. And others in my friendship circle have been doing the same thing more and more. I think people were quite glad for all the clutter-exchanging insanity to stop.

It’s actually fine for parents to not want excessive mess caused by insane amounts of toys.

One thing I’ve learned over the years is that it’s better for kids to have a happy relaxed parent, than a frustrated resentful parent who is constantly fed up because they spend their life tripping over toys and clearing them up over and over again.

So yes, I set boundaries about stuff that matters and don’t feel guilty for one same second.

It won't end it no, but it would certainly help. It's not one child / one day. It's all children. Day after day, year after year. That's a fuck of a lot of unnecessary manufacturing, shipping for goods that are discarded almost immediately/ thrown away. This is part of watching how you live isn't it.

This. I would feel mean and so would probably bring something anyway.

There are plenty of charity shops to take anything he doesn't like. And plenty of deprived children who will appreciate them.

I think most people will bring something anyway because they won't want to turn up with nothing. Also your child may say yes ok with it but when he goes to other people's parties and sees them getting presents he may be less happy about it

From a financial point of view, I don't understand the hate for birthday presents personally. As someone that doesn't have a lot of money, throwing a party would likely be a big sting so knowing presents were coming from elsewhere would be a huge weight off. I'd rather spend £5 here and there on other kids for the trade off of not having to pay for a party AND a pile of presents for my DC on their birthdays.

But I can't imagine being annoyed if I saw this on an invitation.

know people that have asked to donations to local animal charities or donations of dog food etc for sake and I actually think that's a great idea
**
I don't think.you can tell people which charities to support. I give to the charities I chose to help. I would rather give a 7 year old a gift on his birthday than support a charity that isn't important to me.

I have never donated to an animal charity
and I never ever bloody will until the day that no child is suffering in the world
or indeed.. human being

I had an invite like this to a toddlers party. We were the only ones who didn't bring a present.

Perhaps ask parents to bring a donkey or a goat instead?

@lulufox I did this for my sons second birthday and it worked but he was still quite young. I did get a few people that ignored me. Last year, when my son turned 5, I said no presents needed, but if you did want to contribute a pound or so towards a Lego set that my son is saving up for that would be great. I expected £1-£2 but actually he mostly got £5 notes and a couple people gave more which was a bit of a shock. My son was thrilled as he was able to buy a discontinued Lego set. Only one person ignored me and bought a complete POS transformer thing that didn't really work. I'm with you OP I don't know why we need all these presents. Drives me crazy. Christmas is just as bad. Lots of things never used or given away within months. It's so wasteful and we are in a climate crisis. We have to stop but as everyone has said, we all feel we can't show up empty handed. That's why I asked for money. It felt a bit tacky, but most parents thought it was a great idea 😂😂

Great idea, people have become so materialistic and most children have enough 'crap'. Hopefully you start a trend.