Amazed how many parents are happy to leave their 4 year olds with complete strangers at a party

[emkana]

It was dd's b'day party yesterday, there were 30 children there, so really busy, and a lot of the invitees I had never seen before as dd has just started school and I just invited "blindly" from the class list. I was amazed how many parents left their offspring happily there even though they didn't know us at all, and how happy the children were to be left! Not being judgemental, just interesting how different people are!

One mother was telling me that her ds has a "toilet problem" and could I make sure he would go to the loo if he wiggled around? I felt a bit out of my depth with that, as I was trying to run a party with 30 children so a bit of a struggle to keep an eye on him as well! So even more astounded that she didn't stay!

ladymuck - we have a list of names and home address/numbers from school, only a handful of mobile numbers on there.

Definitely norm here for parents to leave their four-year-olds (the school is small and everyone knows everyone) but it does depend on the individual child. When my dd had a party at home this summer, 12 children attended and two mothers stayed. I had a list of phone numbers + allergy info for others.

I think as a host you must be prepared to welcome the parents who want to stay and to be responsible enough to have sufficient helpers on hand to look after the children of those who don't (although in my limited experience you can never have too many helpers.) I just make jugs of ice tea/put out plastic cups and some nibbles and place them where children can't reach and ask the parents to help themselves. They understand that you are otherwise engaged ...

On the other hand, if all the parents had decided to stay, there wouldn't really have been a lot of room for the children ...plus I would have felt much more inhibited about being generally silly and singing songs and jumping up and down etc like a large nork-laden hippopotamus etc

Definitely norm here for parents to leave their four-year-olds (the school is small and everyone knows everyone) but it does depend on the individual child. When my dd had a party at home this summer, 12 children attended and two mothers stayed. I had a list of phone numbers + allergy info for others.

I think as a host you must be prepared to welcome the parents who want to stay and to be responsible enough to have sufficient helpers on hand to look after the children of those who don't (although in my limited experience you can never have too many helpers.) I just make jugs of ice tea/put out plastic cups and some nibbles and place them where children can't reach and ask the parents to help themselves. They understand that you are otherwise engaged ...

On the other hand, if all the parents had decided to stay, there wouldn't really have been a lot of room for the children ...plus I would have felt much more inhibited about being generally silly and singing songs and jumping up and down etc like a large nork-laden hippopotamus etc

oops

I wouldn't have left mine at that age, and when I had my DCs parties at that age, always made it clear on the invitation that parents were welcome to stay, and provided refreshments for the parents too. I think it's unfair on the hosts to be given responsibility for a large no of young children. But each to his/her own.

I wouldn't leave a child before school age and probably not in the first term or two after that. However by then they will be used to being part of a large group of children with very little supervision. Presumably a lot of the children you invited and still 4 and I don't think I would have left my children then. They get a lot more self sufficient and confident having been in school for a while.

Definitely a bit of a cheek telling you to keep an eye on the child who has a toilet problem. That is the mothers job. If he isn't 100% toilet trained and confident with using the toilet without supervision the mother shouldn't have left him imo.

At DD's party for 4th birthday about five parents stayed out of the 16 invited. At her 5th party only two or three stayed. It was at our home, I took emergency contact numbers and frankly I preferred parents to leave. I would much rather concentrate on making sure the kids had a good time than mess about providing drinks and nibbles for adults.
Mostly the parents that stayed were the ones who wanted to help rather than natter.
I would expect the parents of a child i didn't know to stay for at least a while to make sure child was ok.
My DD has always been very happy to be left but I too would always loiter if i didn't know parents.

Thank you for definitively resolving the issue Gingerbear!

Just the thread I need. DS (3.5 yrs) has been invited to one of his preschools friend's bday party. It is not mentioned on the invitation if parents are invited/expected to stay.
Is it rude to ask if parents are expected to stay? Or do you just go there and see what other parents are doing?
The party is at a rented party place.

I wouldn't have left a nursery age child but as soon as they start school the norm is to drop and run unless you have travelled a way.

It is dd's party in a couple of weeks time and I have had to hold it at my parents house as there isn;t enough room at mine if the paretns stay. As we live at the opposite end of the city from most invitees I reckon most will stay due to the distance but it would be easier if they didn't.

Preschool age it is the norm to stay, especially as some won;t be toilet trained yet.

Other parents started leaving the children at parties from about 5 years and we did the same. My dd started to feel as if we were cramping her style if we stayed! We didn't leave them on their own before school parties. It is too much pressure for adults who don't know them.

I have asked parents to stay even for a play date before. I asked one Mum to stay and she managed 30 mins and then whisked off to the shops. Am I that dull? Wouldn't she have liked to get to know the family when her son spends so much time playing with my daughter at school?

Seems the "done thing" with ds and dd's friends is that you can leave them once they are at school. ds will therefore be having a very small part this year!

I never expected anyone to leave them when younger unless they expressly asked. That said, at ds's third birthday (in church hall with children everywhere) one parent who I did not know left their child (only 2). They did not tell me so I made no effort to look after him as thought his parents were there. Only discovered when he asked where the toilets were as he was about to wet himself (I felt awful then that I had taken no notice of him earlier). He was never invited to subsequent parties!

I left my dd's when they were ready. I started leaving my eldest when she was in reception - but it depended on the party and if she was happy for me to leave. I found that there was a mix of parents who left and those who stayed so neither felt awkward and most of the children had known each other since pre-school anyway.
My younger daughter is more confident so I left her at a few smaller parties in her last year at pre-school, because she knew the parents well, there was plenty of help and I didn't want to get in the way.
That said when dd1 turned 6 she wanted to invite the whole class and as it's dd2's birthday nine days earlier I decided to have a joint party because there are a lot of siblings her age - I was amazed that all the parents left the little ones (some were only 2) because their big brother or sister could "look after them" . We had over 40 children and just 3 adults!

Thank God for Sleeping Lions

Where we are children are generally left from aged 4 (i.e. reception class) - unless their parents think they may be unsettled, in which case the parent may stay - or unless parents are invited to stay for a drink.

We hosted a party for DD when she turned 4 and it was a PITA having parents there if I am honest. One of them trod mud all around our house (despite us asking her to remove her shoes - it was very rainy outside) - generally I find the parents need more managing than the kids

It was often the parents of the rascals in dd's class who were the ones that didn't stay!

I am amazed at how many parents have such negative sentiments regarding parties- in my view it is a nice chance to meet the other families whilst all having something in common- watching our kids enjoy themselves and being there to help if need be.

I left my DCs from about 4.5 onwards. Mainly because I was asked to (by them)!

H/ever I always knew the children. Don't have a problem with others dropping and running, some of the 3yos atDS2's 4th party were left, but I knew them all pretty well and there were plenty of mums who stayed. By 5 almsot everyone goes round here.

I think if it's a hall or soft play it's OK to stay, in a house it can be a bit more tricky. I like staying actually, am a bit that I never get to see DD at parties any more so am clinging on to DS2 for a it longer lol.

Remember those who criticise parents who leave, some of us have other children we are lookign after that day. Parties are often on a Saturday when DH is not around so I have no choice, unless you want me to stay with 2 other kids?

GB btw lol at Alfie and Annie Rose conclusive answer. Alfie is so sweet with his blanket in that party one.

I would never stay, unless specifically asked. I think that my kids can have a better time without me clucking over them half the time.

I love doing my childrens parties, and I have done loads, including packing 12 7 year olds into our cars and taking them to Sudely Castle for a sports day/picinic kind of party. It was a great success, and it didnt even cross my mind that I would lose a child or need their parent's help.

In fact, the worst party we ever hosted was when loads of parents DID stay, as I found it so much harder to get the children to play the games and eat the food

My dd is just 5 and my ds is almost 7 and so far I have always specified on the invites "parents and siblings" welcome. We are in the usa and certainly for 4 and 5 year old parties parents are generally expected to stay. For the 6 and 7 year old parties some of the parents have put "drop off encouraged" on the invites and ds has just been invited to an 8 year old party that specifies "drop off requested." I think the key is (at least here) to say what you want on the invite and then you won't get any surprises. We had my dd's 5th birthday party a few weeks ago and it was a swimming party (los angeles...we have a pool in the backyard) and I put on the invite that not only were parents and siblings welcome, but that if you wanted your child to go into the water, you had to be present.
I like it when the other parents come and I get to meet them. Sometimes it's hard to get a full idea of what the kids are all about until you meet the parents.

Depends on the type of party, surely? Pool party - obviously you'd expect parents to stay. Party in hall with entertainer - I'd expect them to stay (with siblings) if they wanted to, but if they didn't that would be fine. Party at home with just classmates - PERLEEEESE!!! Would you REALLY feel the need to stay? Parents hosting the party would probably rope in a handful of good friends to help - the other children would benefit from being given the opportunity to enjoy a social event without paranoid mummy clucking over them!

FWIW I'm with CJBRDS on this one. Since having children, and particularly since moving to a new area, I've had to create a whole new social life for myself. I also believe that it is important that the children see their parents socialising with their friends' parents, as there may come a time when my child needs an adult from outside the family, and I hope it will be my and dh's friends to whom they turn - ie people we know and can trust, rather than complete strangers. This has happened to me and my siblings. So, if it's appropriate, I do sometimes prioritise staying with my children at playdates or parties (in order to socialise with the parents, rather than to keep an eye on the LOs) over other jobs that my demand my attention.