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Parties/celebrations

Whether you're planning a birthday or a hen do, you'll find plenty of ideas for your celebration on our Party forum.

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Original poster

Amazed how many parents are happy to leave their 4 year olds with complete strangers at a party

129 replies

emkana · 23/09/2007 20:05

It was dd's b'day party yesterday, there were 30 children there, so really busy, and a lot of the invitees I had never seen before as dd has just started school and I just invited "blindly" from the class list. I was amazed how many parents left their offspring happily there even though they didn't know us at all, and how happy the children were to be left! Not being judgemental, just interesting how different people are!

One mother was telling me that her ds has a "toilet problem" and could I make sure he would go to the loo if he wiggled around? I felt a bit out of my depth with that, as I was trying to run a party with 30 children so a bit of a struggle to keep an eye on him as well! So even more astounded that she didn't stay!

OP posts:

LyraBelacqua · 23/09/2007 21:01

Moondog, round here usually the party hosts make it very clear that they don't need/want the parents to stay.

haychee · 23/09/2007 21:01

I have never been left unaided at a party i was hosting. People always offer to stay and help, i either accept or decline their offer depending on how much help ive got.

pointydog · 23/09/2007 21:02

Many of the parties for 30 my kids have been to (trampoline parties etc) have staff.

Others (disco, bouncy castle) the parents get friends and family to help.

If you organise a party for 30 on your own and just expect people to hang about without asking, you've not thought it out properly

unknownrebelbang · 23/09/2007 21:02

Party givers (ime locally) have enough helpers to not require parents to stay, unless they want to.

Some invite the parents to stay anyway, some are happy either way.

And some parents have other commitments and are uanble to stay for the duration.

fireflyfairy2 · 23/09/2007 21:04

I wouldn't stay if the party was at someones house. But I do stay at relatives parties.

How's it lazy if a parent doesn't stay?

Sometimes the people hosting the party don't want the adults to stay!

LyraBelacqua · 23/09/2007 21:05

We're always very flexible with our parties. We provide wine and nibbles for those who want to stay but don't expect them to if they don't want to. We usually get about 10 parents staying for a drink and a chat while others go off and shop.

Blu · 23/09/2007 21:05

Ooh, I have help, DP and my sister and DS's non-godmother - and have never had 30 kids, either. The last thing I want is for other mothers to see me in a chaotic flap and doing things like picking dropped sandwiches off the floor and shoving them back on the plate, while they swan around drinking wine and trying to chat to me! I would ask another mum to stay if I knew her well and we could work together as a team.

IdrisTheDragon · 23/09/2007 21:07

DS will be 4 in November, and so far hasn't been left at parties. They've all been ones where younger DD has been there as well, so I wouldn't have left him anyway.

I think it will change when he goes to school and the parties aren't for people that we've known (nearly) all his life.

FrayedKnot · 23/09/2007 21:10

At DS 3rd birthday party, 3 children were left

None with mobiles

One checked with me first by phone

One dumped and legged it

One stayed for a short time (a dad)

These were children from DS' nursery and I had not properly met any of the parents.

I provided food & drink for the adults and expected everyone to want to stay

No way DS would want to be left at all, even with me there it usually takes about half an hour for him to thaw out and want to do anything like jump on a bouncy castle.

imaginaryfriend · 23/09/2007 21:11

I've never left dd at a party (she's having her 5th party in 2 weeks in fact) because she's very shy and is easily overwhelmed and also because I like to chat to the other mums there and watch the fun.

Nobody's ever left their child at one of dd's parties so far and at most of the ones she's been to almost all the mums hang around.

I don't know if that's typical or not for 'these parts' (London).

FabulousKbear · 23/09/2007 21:11

For me, it depends where the party is. He is just 6 (yr 1) and I wouldn't leave him at a soft play place or the bowling alley - particularly hate the bowling parties, there is a bar and loads of slot machines and snooker tables and unsavoury characters . Made myself laugh when I typed that you know what I mean!!

I would leave DS at house parties, or halls but would introduce myself to the parents and ask if it was okay to leave. Some parents are horrified by the thought of everyone leaving and need some help.

Incidentally, when DD was 4 and still at pre-school, I took her to a house party. I was the only parent that stayed (and DD was the oldest there, mostly three year olds). DD was the one who banged heads so violently with another child on the bouncy castle I nearly fainted when I saw the state of her face. I was very glad I stayed and so was the host mum!

Bink · 23/09/2007 21:13

This is a bit topical for me ...

Dd (6, but nearly 7 and pretty self-assured) has just changed schools. At her last school (where, admittedly, everybody knew her Very Well as she is not a wallpaper sort of child) she had been doing parties solo for at least a year, maybe more. Never any problems whatsoever.

But so yesterday she went to the first party of her new class & I left her, just as I normally would. Ooops. Not only did she have a teary moment (easily soothed, but ..) but in the new school it is quite clearly NOT the culture to leg it. I am now wondering quite how I can redeem myself. (Have of course done the gratitude/apology email, not sure if it's enough.)

So ... conclusion: it's culture, & I recommend scoping the culture before legging.

LyraBelacqua · 23/09/2007 21:14

Imaginaryfriend, I'm in London too and it's the opposite where I live.

oliveoil · 23/09/2007 21:16

most of the parties I have gone to have been soft play areas so I always stay

at someone's house, not sure if dd1 would let me leave tbh until she has sussed the place out - which would take about an hour...

cat64 · 23/09/2007 21:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

bozza · 23/09/2007 21:20

Yes olive I think DD might be a bit more reticent than DS was.

luckylady74 · 23/09/2007 21:20

i do think this is a difficult one - situations vary and i often leave my kids with friends - we all babysit for each other but at parties we stay and help out or chat. at a big party i find it quite sad how many unhappy kids there are with no one paying attention to them. no one questions my staying because of ds1's special needs, but i do often end up sorting out fights/ bumps/tears / directing to the loo and i have seen kids (mainly in noisy soft play places) having a miserable time. i think you have to judge each situation on it's merits - small house party with best mates - well yes they might not want you - large leisure centre with unsecured exits and adults they don't know - well no!

seeker · 23/09/2007 21:32

I repeat - what on earth do you think is going to happen to them?If the don't want you to leave then don't. If they are happy to be left, then leave. You get a couple of hours peace, the party mother doesn't feel that there are people breathing down her neck. Presumably you've left a phone number in case if broken limbs or unexpected floods of tears. Why stay?

WideWebWitch · 23/09/2007 21:35

Yes I think it's probably polite to check if it's ok to leg it, although no-one did at ds's fifth, not one! Not that I minded particularly because I did have enough adults to help but I was surprised at the time.

LyraBelacqua · 23/09/2007 21:35

Seeker, often parties are held in venues where it would be easy for a child to wander off. I trust my five-year-old not to wander off but my three-year-old is another matter. if all party hosts were flexible then it would be fine but often it's made clear that you're not welcome to stay and they get pissed off if you do.

madamez · 23/09/2007 21:45

Well you leave them at schooldon't you? Or are you shoving a tit through the railings at break time and follwing them around with a poop scoop till they are 21?

OK my DS is 3 tomorrow so we have been partying all weekend (friends/ kids yesteray, GPs today) and yesterday the parents stayed, but half the party was child-free people who love DS anyway.

Hulababy · 23/09/2007 21:49

Where we are this is the normal scenario, re invited school friends:

Pre-school - all parents stay
First term/few weeks of reception - almost all parents stay, a few go
From Christmas onwards in reception - almost all parents leave (unless at somewhere like soft play which tends to mean parents staying until some time in Y1)

IME the parents who stay at later parties are family friends and people who have travelled a long way to get to the party.

Earlybird · 23/09/2007 21:53

I tend to stay at the parties dd attends - even now, and she's 6.8. Part of the reason is because I don't have time to go much of anywhere before it's time to come back to collect (I don't drive in London), so just easier to stay/chat to other parents/observe dd with her peers (which I find fascinating).

Also, dd is still in the age group where it's common to invite the entire class plus a few other non-school friends/siblings. As most people don't have room/inclination to host 25 children at home, the parties have generally been in a church hall, soft play etc. where perhaps it is an unfamiliar space and therefore less 'easy' to leave a child.

When I stay, I seem to get roped into helping out (or maybe I willingly drift that direction). Seems the party hosts always need extra hands to pour drinks, serve food, ferry children to loo, etc. We all have class lists with home/mobile numbers, so it would be fairly easy to track down an absent parent if there was a need.

One final note: dd is an only child. If I had more than one, I would probably have an entirely different approach to staying/going at parties.

seeker · 23/09/2007 22:39

I must be lucky - I don't think either of my children have been to parties in venues where they could easily wander off. Most halls only have one or two doors - soft play places and things like that have gates and usually a member of staff. I assume that other parents will look after my children as well as I would look after theirs. And anotehr point - I also think it's really good for children NOT to be watched sometimes!

Gingerbear · 23/09/2007 22:52

"You and Annie Rose are going to be at the party, too, aren't you?" asks Alfie. "Oh no," says mum, "I'll take you to Bernard's house and Annie Rose and I will go to the park and come back to collect you when it's time to go home."

Shirley Hughes thought it was OK for a 4 year old to be left at Bernard's house.

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