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Parties/celebrations

Whether you're planning a birthday or a hen do, you'll find plenty of ideas for your celebration on our Party forum.

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Original poster

Amazed how many parents are happy to leave their 4 year olds with complete strangers at a party

129 replies

emkana · 23/09/2007 20:05

It was dd's b'day party yesterday, there were 30 children there, so really busy, and a lot of the invitees I had never seen before as dd has just started school and I just invited "blindly" from the class list. I was amazed how many parents left their offspring happily there even though they didn't know us at all, and how happy the children were to be left! Not being judgemental, just interesting how different people are!

One mother was telling me that her ds has a "toilet problem" and could I make sure he would go to the loo if he wiggled around? I felt a bit out of my depth with that, as I was trying to run a party with 30 children so a bit of a struggle to keep an eye on him as well! So even more astounded that she didn't stay!

OP posts:

Rhubarb · 23/09/2007 20:08

I wouldn't dream of staying at a party dd or ds was invited to. Nightmare! Although if my kid had a toilet problem I might have politely declined rather than force the problem onto you.

Likewise at parties I've hosted, I've never expected the parents to stay.

It's nice I think, that there is still a little trust in this paranoid world.

putitdown · 23/09/2007 20:09

We all stay good chnace to have a gossip

3Ddonut · 23/09/2007 20:10

I totally agree with you em, the lengths we go to to ensure other caregivers are 'kosher' and then leave them with people you've never met? madness. I wouldn't leave my eldest and she's 5 and half, if I did, I'd be snooping through the window!

wheresthehamster · 23/09/2007 20:11

You always have to assume no parents are going to stay and make sure you have enough adult helpers to help you out.

I've never invited children I don't recognise as I wouldn't know if one went missing!

wheresthehamster · 23/09/2007 20:11

You always have to assume no parents are going to stay and make sure you have enough adult helpers to help you out.

I've never invited children I don't recognise as I wouldn't know if one went missing!

wheresthehamster · 23/09/2007 20:11

oops

dissle · 23/09/2007 20:11

me too!!!
i was shocked in fact at a recent party.

NotAnOtter · 23/09/2007 20:12

i would always try to leave my child as long as they were happy

Whizzz · 23/09/2007 20:13

If the party was at someones house I might feel a bit 'odd' staying if not asked to. If it's at a soft play place or similar, I didn't leave DS at a party at that age. In fact we have only started to leave him (if we know the parents & if there are enough helpers) now that hes 6+

dissle · 23/09/2007 20:13

my friend actually wrote on the invitation "parent/carer is requested to stay with the child for the duration of the party" to make absolutley sure.

madness · 23/09/2007 20:14

nowadays I stay with dd, 4 y, and usually also with ds, 6y.
But I clearly remember ds's first party he went to. I thought hurree, 2 hours for myself!! The shock when I saw other parents staying (first I thought they are just staying for the initial bit but then realised they were there to stay for the whole of the time!)

Original poster

emkana · 23/09/2007 20:14

It was at a church hall. The thing is, I couldn't be sure who was entitled to pick each child up, and while we kept an eye on the door, as a parent of an invitee I would have worried about the possibility of one getting lost.

I like to stay and have a chat, which probably makes me a saddo.

OP posts:

Bubble99 · 23/09/2007 20:16

If they're at school already I don't see anything wrong with leaving a four year old child at a party. I would always check that there were enough helpers around and I usually get my boys to go to the loo before we go so that they don't need to worry about finding the loo, but other than that I leave them to it.

lisalisa · 23/09/2007 20:16

Message withdrawn

serenity · 23/09/2007 20:17

I wouldn't and didn't leave my DCs alone at parties at that age (and I wasn't alone in that) The DSs weren't comfortable with it until they were rising 6 and around here that seems to be the age where 'dump and run' is expected. DD is a different story, she'd go with anyone, anywhere, but I still wouldn't leave her at parties alone atm.

unknownrebelbang · 23/09/2007 20:18

Some of the parents stay some of the time in my experience.

The only time no one stayed was when the father opened the front door, took the children in and said "see you at 5pm". (He was the headteacher, and it was his daughter's party)

madness · 23/09/2007 20:19

I agree with Lisalisa, ds would be allright on his own, but dd tend to be a bit shy/tearful at new places so she prefers me to stay.

LyraBelacqua · 23/09/2007 20:20

DP and I took DS1 to a nursery friend's party when he was 3 and we stayed for the whole party. It was only afterwards that we found out that we'd been expected to leave and the birthday boy's mother was pissed off with us for staying. That explained why she'd been off with us at the party.
I was a bit pissed off myself, firstly that she'd expected me to leave my (just turned) three-year-old at a party with strangers and by the fact that we'd given up an entire afternoon to go to this party only for her to be off with us.
His nursery class also started play/lunch dates around this time and again you were expected to trust the other parent to pick your child up from nursery, take them to their home (which you may or may not have been to yourself) feed them and bring them home. At the age of three.
DS2 is three now and I still stay with him at parties/playdates and don't care who's upset because he's still very young and imo my responsibility.

pointydog · 23/09/2007 20:25

I was completely happy to leave my dds alone at a party when aged 4. Absolutely. They were not with complete strangers, they were with school mates who they knew. They knew the party drill.

In fact, I am amazed that you are amazed

haychee · 23/09/2007 20:26

I leave mine wherever possible. If at someones house then yes. We ahd one recently where we all went to the farm to feed the animals etc. They needed help with all sorts of things and there was alot of scope for becomming lost, so we all stayed. Also the farm was a 20minute drive each way, and the party was 1and half hours, so not much hope for doing anything at home while she was there.
I think it does them good a bit, to be a bit more confident when mummy isnt there

seeker · 23/09/2007 20:26

If a child is happy to be left then why on earth wouldn't you leave them for two hours at a party with lots of other children? What do you think would happen to them? My dd didn't like to be left, so I didn't leave her. Ds doesn't give me a backward glance - so I leave him. Why wouldn't I?

gess · 23/09/2007 20:26

I don't stay. Usually have ds1 and ds3 to look after as well, so ds2 would never be able to go to a party if I stayed.

Isababel · 23/09/2007 20:26

Birthday parties after 4.... yet another thing to worry about

I need to stay... I can't leave my very allergic child with people who are not aware about how to cope and where the dangers are with regards to his allergies.

LyraBelacqua · 23/09/2007 20:27

It depends on how well you know the parents though. I did leave DS2 (3) at one party a couple of months ago but that was for a little girl he's known since birth and I know the parents well.

seeker · 23/09/2007 20:28

OK - not happy to be left and very allergic - I can see that. But everyone else?

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