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Parties/celebrations

Whether you're planning a birthday or a hen do, you'll find plenty of ideas for your celebration on our Party forum.

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Original poster

Amazed how many parents are happy to leave their 4 year olds with complete strangers at a party

129 replies

emkana · 23/09/2007 20:05

It was dd's b'day party yesterday, there were 30 children there, so really busy, and a lot of the invitees I had never seen before as dd has just started school and I just invited "blindly" from the class list. I was amazed how many parents left their offspring happily there even though they didn't know us at all, and how happy the children were to be left! Not being judgemental, just interesting how different people are!

One mother was telling me that her ds has a "toilet problem" and could I make sure he would go to the loo if he wiggled around? I felt a bit out of my depth with that, as I was trying to run a party with 30 children so a bit of a struggle to keep an eye on him as well! So even more astounded that she didn't stay!

OP posts:

NotAnOtter · 23/09/2007 22:53

FABOLA gingerbear!

you are my heroine tonight

unknownrebelbang · 23/09/2007 22:55

lol gingerbear

Gingerbear · 23/09/2007 22:57

I know the whole book, off by heart.

We love Shirley Hughes in this house.

NotAnOtter · 23/09/2007 22:58

Annie Rose just loves Bernard

Gingerbear · 23/09/2007 22:59

She hero worships him - but calls him 'Dernard'

magicfarawaytree · 23/09/2007 23:03

I stay unless I have spefically asked someone (who I know and trust)to watch my child. and I certainly would not let them go on a playdate with someone i have never met. People have different norms - ie letting children play in street, or go to shop on own etc.

ladymuck · 23/09/2007 23:24

Depends as ever on context and circumstances. I would be expecting to leave my child on their old at a party once they had started school (so round here you are looking at a 5yo's party with some 4 yo guests). But if I turned up at an unsecure playbarn which hadn't been exclusively booked and clearly a demented host without any other help for 30 kids, and who wouldn't even realise if my child went missing, yes I would stay (though so would the invitee's sibling which causes its own headache). In practice there are relatively few parties with 30 kids in attendance, and most parties have been in secure environments with a decent adult child ratio (typically 1:4).

But for a school age child, unless there was a very clear culture of mothers stayig then I would expect something on the invite tbh. If you have invited my child to a party then I assume that it is my child you want, and not me (to say nothing of all my other children who have not been invited to the party). And if you do want mothers/careres to stay then you have to think about siblings as well.

HappyMummyOfOne · 24/09/2007 10:20

DS is 4 and has only been to a couple of parties but I always stay with him. I dont think its fair on the person hosting the party to have to worry about other children.

I'd be worried that he'd be able to leave the building and nobody would notice. I also dont really know childrens parents so just dont feel comfortable leaving him.

Now that DS has started reception, i'll probably do a party for his friends this year rather than just for family at home. However I like the idea of popping a note on the invites asking parents to stay as per another post - if anything happened how on earth would you contact the parents as most dont appear to leave contact details.

Hulababy · 24/09/2007 10:26

Re play dates, again this changed for me when DD started school. Before school I always went along esp as most were at my own friend's houses anyway. Since starting school I felt I had to let go a bit otherwise DD wouldn't be invited. So I did and DD has really benefited from that chance to play/. For playdates the parent collects from school, I go and collect at end of playtime normally popping in for a quick drink and chat. Similar when children come here.

There is one girl in DD's class whose mum insists on coming along to playdates/ As a result, sadly for the girl. she is not often invited to playdates as mums don't always want to make small talk after a day at work, etc.

In the first fortnight at school we did have a parent's night at school for all parents to get together over a drink and nibbles, with teachers, so we did at least feel we know who most parents were.

lljkk · 24/09/2007 11:03

I'd say at most parents around here DO STAY for children under 6... Although they might ask about it apologetically if it's a party held in a private home.

PrettyCandles · 24/09/2007 11:10

We generally leave it up to our children: if they want us to stay, we do.

Having a child with a similar 'toilet problem' I would never expect a mum who wasn't a good friend to cope with it on her own! And even then not if she was running the party. So under those circumstances I would certainly stay.

Alambil · 24/09/2007 12:58

I put on ds's invites "Parents welcome to stay" as it is in the woods with a Ranger and 20 mins drive away, so by the time they thought they had to drop off and get home, it would nearly be time to set off again!

OrmIrian · 24/09/2007 13:05

I'm afraid I'd leave my 4yr old. Unless he wasn't happy for me to go. I wouldn't invite 30 kids unless I knew I'd have at least 4 or 5 adults present.

OrmIrian · 24/09/2007 13:25

Just to add that I'd always check with parent in charge if it was OK to go.

kittywits · 24/09/2007 13:27

I always try to leave them, not just a parties either

lionheart · 24/09/2007 13:38

Had the same response, Emkana, when DS had his first party.

Blu · 24/09/2007 13:43

Oh, and when DS started reception and we were inviting children who were, for the first time friends that Ds had made, rather than children of my adult riends, I gave out invitations with atear-off reply lip which asked for any allergies or health issues, and demanded the parents mobile number. And lots of people whose parties DS has attended have had a list by the front door to write parents mobile numbers on.

FrannyandZooey · 24/09/2007 18:33

LewisFan, what kind of party do you have in the woods with a ranger, please?

ladymuck · 24/09/2007 18:38

Is it not the norm to have a class list with all of the parents home/mobile numbers on it? Or is that just a private school thing.

mykidsmum · 24/09/2007 18:38

don't think I know anyone that does that ladymuck

TellusMater · 24/09/2007 18:45

We do that.

State.

InMyHumbleOpinion · 24/09/2007 18:46

I left ds1 at a party when he was three.

shoot me.

Tamum · 24/09/2007 18:49

I never stayed with mine once they were at school (apart from the first school one ds went to, when I stayed for the first 20 minutes or so). No parent has ever stayed at the parties we've had at the house once they left nursery, and I wouldn't really have wanted them to unless their child was upset. They've always been fine. It is quite an abrupt change from nursery to school in terms of parents staying round here.

InMyHumbleOpinion · 24/09/2007 18:50

Must add - tiny house, I had 12 week old.

but still, in hindsight i wouldn't again.

he was thrilled to bits, bouncy castled everywhere, didn't even know I was gone.

Boredveryverybored · 24/09/2007 18:58

I've been leaving dd at parties since she started full time school. Never occured to me not to tbh. I was quite surprised when I did a party for her early this year at quite a few parents staying, all kids were 5/6yrs old.
I suppose it depends on the child and how happy they would be at being left? My dd has always been happy to see the back of me if it means doing something interesting! lol

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