Anyone want to contribute to a special 40th birthday wanky basket for Enid...

[CountessDracula]

I will be putting in

A trowel (with which to plaster on her orange make-up to hide wrinkles, Boots make-up counter woman stylee)

A crochet hook (for making antimacassars and the like as her hair will get greasier with age)

Some reading glasses (cheap 99p ones from superdrug)

oh marina! these meals for one make me want to cry, they just say it all dont they

Patience Strong Friendship Book

some plug in air fresheners to make the whole house smell like a bog that someone has just done a poo in and tried to cover up

I know np. I worked at M & S and there were whole lives laid bare in those little treat shops on pension day

some hanging ducks for her wall

carpet sweeper

passion killer neckwarmer knicks

for your meals for one

and a lovely blouse

I think she needs a beige anorak for wearing daily between April and September however warm it is.

Daniel O'Donnell CD
Photograph book containing very old pictures and anecdotes on where you live
fake silver frame

A box of French Fancies and some nice doilies for the plate.

Bed socks and bed jacket
Trebor mints
Tin of Spam
A Sholley (one of those shopping trolleys, that is their name )
Crocheted table mats

a bottle of floradix with an extra special measuring cup with large numbers on

I'm 40 next week, can I have something too?

pill box
trolley on wheels for shopping
drawn-on eyebrows

camp coffee
bottle of sterilised milk
packet of malted milk biscuits

Yardleys lavender bath cubes

ill provide the gin for fio's hip flask

naily, surely that should be a Nice Sweet Sherry?

a new remote control with extra big buttons and two settings for sound: 'loud' and 'louder than hell'

I'll have doc provide a new hip

batteries for hearing aid
uncle joe's mint balls

a weekly blow dry and monthly blue rinse at local hairdresser's