Should a 19 year old work?

[Northerngirl89]

My stepson is 19. He's home from uni for the summer. For months, it has been suggested he gets a job, with lots of offers of support for help with his cv, etc. but he just gets annoyed and says "if you tell me to get a job, I won't"

The same as before he went to uni, now he's back, he spends all day in bed or playing video games.

Is this normal?

When I was 19 I was at uni working 30 hours a week in a bar during the term and 45+ in reading weeks and holidays. I've had a paid job of some form since I was 12 so the not doing anything just doesn't compute with me.

I don't think it's good for him to do nothing for 3ish months all summer. Or is it?

For context, he does nothing around the house e.g. doesn't cook or clean etc. or contribute financially.

Today me and DH have been at work so all my stepson has eaten is a left over Easter egg as he couldn't be bothered to cook (there is plenty of food in the fridge)

We don't have a huge amount of disposable income and it doesn't seem fair that me and DH work full time for him to do nothing and contribute nothing.

Or is this normal? Parents of nearly-20-year olds what do you expect from them?

I guess you all know about that little pandemic we had a few years ago which stopped a huge number of older teens from working, my son included. They couldn't all go and work in vaccination centres. THAT is why a lot haven't had jobs.

I can only speak for companies I've worked for and with, obviously, but I really can't imagine companies actively preferring candidates with no work history at all over those who have worked retail, hospitality, etc. That would just be nonsensical and cost them time and money, and most companies tend to be fairly practical in that regard. Those who have relevant experience (e.g. an internship) will obviously have a slight edge, but retail is a hell of a lot better than nothing.

Oh I was just going to ask a similar question. I have an 18yo DD who is going to uni this year, she has been at college for the past 2 years having left school a year early (we’re in Scotland) so she could have gone to uni last year with her school cohort.

Anyway she finished college beginning of June and doesn’t go to uni until September, her plans for the Summer, game. I have to drop not so subtle hints for her to shower every second day, her bedroom is a mess, I leave a chore list daily one chore such as empty and reload dishwasher for each DC (she has to be reminded to do hers). The reason I need a chore list is she would never do anything willingly.

So we have broached the JOB word before but apparently there are none (!) even though all my friends young adult children the same age have part time jobs. She’s never looked. We pay for her food, don’t charge her board but don’t pay for any of her entertainment but she never goes out anyway. She has savings so doesn’t desperately need money it would just make her life at uni easier. I’m annoyed that she’s expecting her loan to pay her rent then DH and me to give her monthly living costs when she’s sat at home doing nothing all Summer. Even if she volunteered or did something rather than sit in her room all day gaming.

I know it’s different these days, I know the affect Covid has had on young people. I came from a very poor background and was the first person in my family to go to uni, no one gave me a penny, I worked all through uni, got a hardship grant when you still got them and just paid off my loans last year!

I appreciate that DH and I are in a fortunate position to be able to help her and I’m grateful for that but she’s just very lazy, I wonder where her energy is, her get up and go? DH and I are such hard workers.

It's hard to find a job just for three months. The application can take a long time, then interviews and then the offer. This can take a whole month in itself! I think what you want is for him to get a summer job e.g. gardening etc

No it isn’t both my two worked over summer last year. Just found jobs on Indeed.

@totallyfedup

Have you considered the possibility she may be depressed?
Didn't go to university with her cohort, never goes out, isn't washing, room is a mess...

The lack of personal hygiene and the isolation would be very worrying. I'd try to have her assessed.

I've just been through the recruitment process as well. 136 applicants for 1 job. I'm looking for a strong worth ethic, as much as anything else. So I look at all the "menial"jobs folk have done as much as qualifications. I hired someone with a broad set of skills.
My 19yo dd has been working for me to fill the gap. She has done a great job, because she has a good work ethic, despite the job not really being in an area she ever wants to work.
But it's money for her over the summer, a great help for me, and another set of skills she can add to her CV. Bonus all round!

Yes I'd expect him to have a job. Pay for his socialising and phone plus saving a bit for expenses at uni next term. I wouldn't ask for keep or anything though.
How does he find uni? Through loans? I'd tell him that you expect him to cover more of his costs next year.
The exception would be if he was interning or doing some other work experience related to his degree. But any job would help his CV and provide structure to his day.

Wow! What well rounded children :)

I think our situation would be different if DS did have hobbies. Or was dedicated to his studies..

But he doesn't study much at all, does the bare minimum on essays and scrapes through. And he has no hobbies or interests.

All day he just sleeps, eats (never cooks), watches YouTube and plays video games...

Good luck to yours :)

You say that you worked 45 hours during reading week?

Shouldn't you have been reading?

I always thought that reading weeks were a bit of a cop out for those doing soft degrees - this doesn't do anything to change my mind!

Not sure what you mean by a soft degree? But if you're interested, I did a top degree at a top 5 Russell Group, red brick uni.

I'd have loved the luxury of being able to spend my reading week actually reading. Sadly, after I paid my rent out of my loan, I had £30 left per term to buy all my food, books, pay bills etc, so I HAD to work at every opportunity.

Maybe some unis recognise that some students can't be there without working to support themselves so provide reading weeks for that purpose?

When ds1 was 19 a few years ago he had left home and was working. He did his own washing cooking cleaning, shopping etc.
When ds2 was 19, he was still living at home and was at college. He worked part time for his dad to make money. He usually did the shopping and baduc chores.
Your dss is a lazy entitled arse by the sound of it.

People doing STEM degrees don't tend to have reading weeks in my experience! Those degrees don't tend to have time for students to take a week off to do non coursework, that's what holidays are for. If you need money to get through your course, take a year off before going to uni and work then, rather than bumming around the world - don't waste your precious student years. They give you reading weeks to read around your subject rather than working extra shifts in a local cafe. And there have been reading weeks for a long time for humanities subjects, way before student loans were brought in so they weren't invented for students to have termtime opportunities to earn money.

Russell Group is revered on Mumsnet but not everywhere else. There are several non-RG universities that would be held in higher esteem by my company than RG ones!