Should a 19 year old work?

[Northerngirl89]

My stepson is 19. He's home from uni for the summer. For months, it has been suggested he gets a job, with lots of offers of support for help with his cv, etc. but he just gets annoyed and says "if you tell me to get a job, I won't"

The same as before he went to uni, now he's back, he spends all day in bed or playing video games.

Is this normal?

When I was 19 I was at uni working 30 hours a week in a bar during the term and 45+ in reading weeks and holidays. I've had a paid job of some form since I was 12 so the not doing anything just doesn't compute with me.

I don't think it's good for him to do nothing for 3ish months all summer. Or is it?

For context, he does nothing around the house e.g. doesn't cook or clean etc. or contribute financially.

Today me and DH have been at work so all my stepson has eaten is a left over Easter egg as he couldn't be bothered to cook (there is plenty of food in the fridge)

We don't have a huge amount of disposable income and it doesn't seem fair that me and DH work full time for him to do nothing and contribute nothing.

Or is this normal? Parents of nearly-20-year olds what do you expect from them?

I think he needs to do something.
Doesn't sound good, no.

Mine is a similar age, just finished 2nd year at college. He's worked part time for nearly 18 months and has just negotiated extra days over the summer hols. He volunteers as well at the local repair cafe amd helps me around the house and garden. He has plenty of time to see friends and game. I'm divorced and his dad my ex has a very different view.

Mine is 20. She has a split shift waitressing job on a Sunday, does occasional babysitting, and will work away all summer at kids holiday camps, on coast or abroad as she has since she was 16. She has some holiday weeks after exams and in September once schools are back where she will travel or hang out with friends. The idea of her spending the summer lounging about doing nothing would be horrific - for her as well as for me.

Whether he's contributed financially or not he'd not get away with not contributing to household chores in my home. Everyone who lives here has to do some chores. I have a SN child who takes plates and knives and forks out of the dishwasher and puts them away, takes dirty bedding off his bed each week and brings his basket of laundry down and I supervise him as he's sorting it, he can almost do it on his own now. He also does the recycling and I supervise him to cook a basic meal for us all. Your step son sounds lazy and entitled. Write out a list of jobs to be done and tell him to pick 2 jobs each day. Before my adult son left home he cooked twice a week, unloaded the online shop when it arrived and put it all away, took out the bins each week and cleaned his own bathroom and bedroom and did all his own laundry including bedding and also collected up any used towels from other bathrooms to wash with his and set out clean ones and he'd do any other job I asked him to do too.

Both of my adult children were working by age 19. Also going to uni. He's lazy and entitled.

When I was his age, during the summer holidays I worked two jobs. Around 35 hours per week in a supermarket and evenings shifts waitressing in a local restaurant 2 or 3 nights per week. My parents didn’t expect me to pay for rent or food as I was at uni but I had to fund everything else myself, toiletries, car, phone, nights out etc. I would also do chores round the house. I consider my upbringing to be quite privileged as my parents supported me a lot while studying and still help out now, not financially anymore! But he sounds spoilt.

If he can fund himself not working then great for him.
My husband and worked during holidays at university and I expect our student to do the same.

Quite surprised at those saying it's hard to get a job for a short amount of time / too late to get one now. When I was a student, I worked in a pub during term time only and always found temp jobs during holidays when back at my parents. I signed up to a temping agency and worked as a bank cashier for one summer and a receptionist another - no previous skills in either. Also found my own short term jobs in Boots; directing traffic for golfing events; washing up in kitchens; babysitting; delivering catalogues; catering for weddings; serving food in uni halls... all random jobs that worked around studies at different times before graduating!

I don't get why people think that studying during term time and working in your breaks is some kind of hard grind from which their precious delicate weans must be spared. It isn't. I remember doing it well, and it's fucking cushty. You are probably working with other people your own age with a built in social life and you still have plenty of time to slob about and see friends.

My 20 year old works around her degree and my 18 year old has worked around her sixth form courses.
They'd be getting no extras from me if they didn't and I don't pay for anything now other than food and all the house billl. Everything else like petrol, clothes, toiletries and socialising they pay for themselves.
They've both also booked holidays and they save. It's not only good for experience to work but also to learn money management skills

I top mine up to full loan and I host during the holidays but they do cook, clean etc and don’t eat other peoples Easter eggs.

If they want/need more money then it’s up to them to earn it. At 19 I don’t understand how they can’t see the connection between not working and not being able to pay rent or buy anything. Technically my eldest could get by without working as his rent is low and he’s not much of a spender in small ways but he does like to do things with his friends, eat well, be warm, and is saving to travel etc. so his life is demonstrably better, more comfortable, more interesting, more fun, because he works. dc2 couldn’t pay rent without working so not working is a non starter. I wouldn’t need to say “get a job” but if I did and the response was "if you tell me to get a job, I won't" like a spoiled 5yo in a 1940s movie then I would stop topping up the loan. I’m not working 50 hours a week to fund arseholes. I couldn’t bear to be around someone so pathetic and spoiled.

I never did any bar or supermarket work. I did engineering and worked as an intern at a software company in the summers. It's the norm for engineering undergraduates (not in the UK). Most people on the course are on interships with big companies. It is what gets you into graduate programs, not a job a mcdonalds or tesco.

This

It doesn’t matter what anyone here did, that was a long time ago and life was likely very different.

Let him get it out his system. He'll soon get bored of having no money and no opportunities. Perhaps suggest if he wants to stay in the long term he'll have to contribute to bills. He might discover his old vice of playing video games is dull after a while, and want to put his energy elsewhere.

My DD (now 19) has had a job since she was 16 alongside studying at school and then college. She then got another job so ended up with 2 part time, ad hoc jobs to work alongside her college course. She has money to go out with her friends and have her own independence. She helps around the house, cooks and helps with the pets. She knows if she wants anything she can buy it herself and do her own thing. She was brought up to be independent and not rely on others to pay for her as both me and her father have full times jobs, work hard and set an example. Maybe thats what he needs, someone to set an example for him?

In the uni holidays I rarely went to my parents' as their marriage was terrible, my relationship with them correspondingly terrible, and the atmosphere unliveable in; I'd stay in my uni town and work, or go to another town/overseas and work.

He needs to know that food, electric etc doesn't just grow on trees, and he needs to seriously pull his finger out. Get a job, and in the meantime pull his weight around the house.

Of course he should get a job. My DD had a job all through A levels and uni from the age of 16. Anyone who says that part time jobs are hard to get are talking crap, quite frankly. She's never been out of work.

Can't bear lazy teens/young adults.

DD19 is on course with long placement blocks, so holding down a part time job in term time is tricky, and we support her.
In the holidays, however, we don't. She's been back less than a week and has already secured 2 summer jobs. She's also expected to contribute around the house with cooking, housework etc as she's an adult.
As a PP said, turn off the WIFI, put a lock on the fridge and don't do any washing or lifts. The entitled brat should get the message eventually!

My son is home from uni at the moment too. He doesn't have a traditional job but is taking on ad hoc work at music events.

He knows that whilst he is a student I will provide a roof over his head and family meals during the holidays but not a penny more. So he works.

If your husband is saying that he can't afford to pay the rent for next term, I assume stepson will need to use his student loan to cover this, and then will have nothing/very little over to cover his bills and food (let alone entertainment, treats etc)?

It sounds like your husband, his ex-wife and your stepson need to sit down together and discuss a plan for how next term will be funded- if your husband can't pay rent next term, this should be raised now, even if everyone else gets upset.

I am shocked that he doesn't see a need to earn money, do some volunteering or gain some experience in his subject area. His mother's attitude certainly won't be helping though. And he should defintely be helping around the house.

Why doesnt he go and live with/off Mummy since she is so supportive of his lifestyle. See how long she puts up with his attitude. At 19.. he needs a kick up the bum.
Work.
Laundry.
Cleaning.
Cooking.
Contributing financially to the household.

He wants to be an adult.. this is how adults behave.

Is your step-son's loan based on his mother's/new partner's family income or on your household income?

There is an expectation that his parents will make up whatever he gets to the value of a full loan and it sounds like your husband did his best to contribute but if your household income is not high then he can't expect handouts all the time. He should be working at least in the holidays.

He is lazy and entitled
His future partner will be on Mumsnet in ten years or so complaining about her ‘lazy’ dh if this is not nipped in the bud now.