Should a 19 year old work?

[Northerngirl89]

My stepson is 19. He's home from uni for the summer. For months, it has been suggested he gets a job, with lots of offers of support for help with his cv, etc. but he just gets annoyed and says "if you tell me to get a job, I won't"

The same as before he went to uni, now he's back, he spends all day in bed or playing video games.

Is this normal?

When I was 19 I was at uni working 30 hours a week in a bar during the term and 45+ in reading weeks and holidays. I've had a paid job of some form since I was 12 so the not doing anything just doesn't compute with me.

I don't think it's good for him to do nothing for 3ish months all summer. Or is it?

For context, he does nothing around the house e.g. doesn't cook or clean etc. or contribute financially.

Today me and DH have been at work so all my stepson has eaten is a left over Easter egg as he couldn't be bothered to cook (there is plenty of food in the fridge)

We don't have a huge amount of disposable income and it doesn't seem fair that me and DH work full time for him to do nothing and contribute nothing.

Or is this normal? Parents of nearly-20-year olds what do you expect from them?

What does your husband say?

I think he's an entitled arse

he needs some sort of structure or he is going to risk getting really demotivated and lethargic.

Once I was an adult, my parents expected me to earn what I wanted to spend. They paid my uni fees, but apart from that I was on my own; I worked during term term to get money off my accommodation bills and I worked FT in breaks for spending money. It would never have occurred to me to spend the summer doing fuck all. I admit I perhaps didn't do as much studying between terms as would have been optimal though

I am not a fan of the whole funding students so they can "focus on study". Work experience is beneficial in many, many ways beyond financially, and they will be at a serious disadvantage in the graduate job market if they've never held down a job.

My DD the same age isn't working this summer. She did 2 jobs through sixth form, saved money and hasn't spent much in her first year at uni. She's planning on getting a job when she goes back.

I'm fine with that. She doesn't have any specific household chores but she's happy to help out if I do ask her to do something.

He sounds horrific what does his dad say ? Mine always worked I wouldn't allow lying about and giving me lip like I was a bother to them, bugger that !

working.
paying board
Pulling weight around the house.
Self sufficient

He is an adult.

Tell him that you will be turning the Wi-fi off, putting a lock on the fridge no pocket money and no lifts anywhere.
Stop 'suggesting' he gets a job and tell him to get off his arse and find one or he finds somewhere else to live.

I think it's more the norm now. I'm like you, always had work since I was 13. It was just accepted that kids at college or Uni had some type of job. I've done washing up, waitresses, chambermaid and fruit picking. When I asked my DC about what they were going to do throughout school holidays, it didn't seem to occur to them that they should get a job.
Saying that, both have done some work during the holidays. I do think your DS needs some work experience though at 19. I recall my friend who was interviewing for a job in hospitality. When he asked the 21 year old Uni student (who had no work experience) why he had applied, the applicant replied 'because my Mum told me to'.

Idont think a step mother can do that. Who's house is it?

Well - I think given he’s studying it’s not unreasonable for him to have a break.

plus, it can be difficult to get a job for a short period of time, when they know you are leaving again in September.

It's neither normal nor good for him.

Who is financing this dysfunction?

He will bitterly regret sitting on his arse through his teenage and university years when the time comes to apply for graduate level jobs.

Someone needs to cut off his money and access to the wifi, and apply a boot to the backside of this very foolish and immature young man.

One of mine worked in in

One of mine worked in uni hols, the other didn't. 🤷‍♀️. Both now have decent degrees and graduate jobs. So I'm a bit meh...

Both of mine were working at 19, one full time as he dropped out of college and one part time as he was at college.

I am guessing your dh did a humanities course if he worked 30 hours on termtime?
I don't know about working full-time but certainly part-time

You have to think about this and ask the question?

My DS is just turned 20 home from uni for the summer. He has applied to work at local festivals and concerts with an events company. There’s quite a few events coming up that he has been allocated to.
Any other type of job is going to be difficult to get as he’ll be leaving again in September

Surely if he needs the money he will work?

I only worked in the holidays and focused on studying during term time. I live in a coastal town with plenty of student jobs, I was expected to pay for anything I wanted clothes, phone etc with my room and board a freebie until I finished full time education. I was out the house 9am-8pm every workday.

DDs autistic so whilst Ill encourage her to work, if she's studying the rest of the time I'm prepared to support her a bit longer but wouldn't accept mopping around but as a Smum you have limited options I guess. It needs to come from his dad.

My son didn't work at uni. I don't think anyone he knew had a term time job and the uni doesn't advise working more than 15. Before he went, when he was in sixth form, we were always nagging him to get a job but he never did.
I think it would be better to get a job whilst at uni though than in the holidays, as not many employers would want someone for only 3 months unless it was a seasonal job.

I did work experience type work in two of my uni holidays and travelled in the other two.

Didn’t earn much but fortunately my parents didn’t need the money and I was living away for the WEX so not under their feet.

DBro did supermarket work which paid a lot better (esp in the era of extra pay on Sundays!)

if he’s not going to work, he could at least drag himself off the sofa to scramble an egg!

It wasn't normal when I was that age. I wanted to stay in my uni town and work during the holidays. How is he funding his lifestyle over the summer?

The main attitude for me is his attitude around the house. He's an adult, he should be cleaning up after himself and doing his share of shared housework.

He should definitely be trying to get a job. Depending on availability he might not get anything significant but the desire should be there. Especially if he is being supported financially through uni too. He should see it as an opportunity to help cover the cost.

Are you doing all his washing, giving him money as well as providing all food?

Why would he get a job? He's clearly not motivated and has sufficient to meet his needs.

As far as I'm concerned it's up to my DC but if they choose not to work they do not get free money, free food and get to not help around the house. Does your DH share household chores, is he a good role model?