Should a 19 year old work?

[Northerngirl89]

My stepson is 19. He's home from uni for the summer. For months, it has been suggested he gets a job, with lots of offers of support for help with his cv, etc. but he just gets annoyed and says "if you tell me to get a job, I won't"

The same as before he went to uni, now he's back, he spends all day in bed or playing video games.

Is this normal?

When I was 19 I was at uni working 30 hours a week in a bar during the term and 45+ in reading weeks and holidays. I've had a paid job of some form since I was 12 so the not doing anything just doesn't compute with me.

I don't think it's good for him to do nothing for 3ish months all summer. Or is it?

For context, he does nothing around the house e.g. doesn't cook or clean etc. or contribute financially.

Today me and DH have been at work so all my stepson has eaten is a left over Easter egg as he couldn't be bothered to cook (there is plenty of food in the fridge)

We don't have a huge amount of disposable income and it doesn't seem fair that me and DH work full time for him to do nothing and contribute nothing.

Or is this normal? Parents of nearly-20-year olds what do you expect from them?

He needs a summer job. This will be useful for transferable skills for his CV, he earns some money of his own and will help him appreciate the value of money more, he might get to meet some new people at work and he will appreciate his time off more and perhaps be more productive with it.

I would also give him jobs to do around the house to encourage him to look for a job. Mow the lawn, run round with the hoover, clean the bathroom, sweep the path etc etc.

He's an adult. Don't give him any money. Don't buy him snacks, drinks, toiletries etc. Don't give him lifts.

If he wants stuff he will need to get off his bottom and go and earn it.

We have a few holidays/weekends due over the summer so don’t really want the DCs working as want them to come
Got the rest of their lives to work
They do stuff in the house and help out in my DHs business on an ad hoc basis

What is he studying?
I did Dentistry and it’s a full time job. The holidays aren’t so long either. So I wouldn’t expect a dental student to get a job.
If he’s off for 3 months while doing an arts degree with 3 hours a week of lectures then he needs to get a job, or travel, or volunteer.

My ds has had a few jobs since he was 15 and has worked in a pub since he was 17 and that's what he will do every Uni holiday (he's now nearly 19).

No way on earth I'd accept him loafing around the house.

My dd is 16 and is working hard to find a job for the summer.

I couldn’t work in term time (Cambridge and science so contact hours were six days a week with labs between three and five days a week). But I most certainly had a job in the summer. My DM’s deal was that I could have my allowance and a job or neither, which was a good incentive!

I think given he’s studying it’s not unreasonable for him to have a break.

Depends what he spends that break doing. Spending all his time in his room/in bed/gaming isn't healthy.

And any work experience is useful, to demonstrate that you can hold down a job, to have something to put on a cv and to talk about in interviews.

Who is paying for his mobile phone/other spending? Parents might choose to cover basic living expenses as long as their offspring are full time students, but I think adults should cover their own personal spending - phone, toiletries, new clothes, socialising etc.

Not necessarily during term time. Focusing on studies is the ideal or maybe working extremely part-time. Working in the summer is normal and possibly picking up work during other breaks.

There are exceptions. At one point in my degree path, I was strictly prohibited from having any job. It was a requirement of being accepted into the intense course of study.

No way do I want mine working term timr
My eldest didn’t ,got a First and walked into a great job

Of course he should be working but it's a bit late now to get anything. What does he do for money? Obviously at 18 there's no more pocket money. You'd be a fool to still give him an allowance to sit in his room and play computer games.

My friend's dd is same age and just back from uni and does nothing. My friend funds her if they go out to eat and buys her booze etc. She is very anxious and struggling so I think my friend just wants her to be happy but the less her dd does the less she wants to do.

It's the same with your dss.

Suggest he volunteers so he has something for his CV.

His attitude stinks. I too would be turning wifi off during the day and when I went to bed in the evening. Especially if he thinks he can game all day and night for the summer break and give attitude like "if you tell me I won't". Whilst I wouldn't ask for contributions to bed and board of my DC, equally I wouldn't be bankrolling nice extras (clothes, takeaways, festivals ect.).

Maybe a week with restricted Internet and just food in the house will persuade him to at least try and look for a job. Depending where you are it might be tricky, but lots of places are taking summer staff on. Around us the hotels are advertising (it's wedding season so lots of weddings booked in even though we are not coastal), cafes and ice cream parlour, kids activity places, plus the usual shops, lots of farms round us are advertising for casual pickers. Cleaning companies are also a good shout. Our cleaner brought round a 19 year old student who is home for the summer who is shadowing her and will be doing solo cleans by the end of the week. She's doing holiday cover for the regular cleaners during the school holidays and is going to be picking up sick cover shifts until the holidays. One of her friends has picked up some work in a care home.

Judging by my dd and her friends, it's normal to work. I can't think of a single one that doesn't. But none of them pay any rent or board etc to their parents at this age, so whatever they earn is essentially for their personal spending etc.

How much are you giving him to support his studies? If I were you, I would top up to the level of the expected parental contribution, but not subsidise any more than this. And then leave him to decide whether he can afford not to work.

Of course, if you're on a low income and need him to contribute to cover the extra cost of him being at home over the summer, then it's perfectly reasonable to ask him to contribute towards that.

Of course, he should already been working since mid teens. Madness the amount of young adults on here who’ve never worked

I think a step mother of an adult step child absolutely can.

This isn't good. How will he work full time in the future when he can't even work part time. Mine are at uni and they work around 30 hrs a week mostly evening. Kids have no resilience these days.

The poster was asking about a job over the summer not during term time. As student is doing nothing other than lying about in bedroom and gaming.

Actually, she can if she's paying half the bill.

He's a lazy arse. Hope his dad isn't giving him any allowance.

My (just turned) 19 year old came home last week. He’s had a few days at home sorting out his stuff and has gone away with old school friends on a U.K. based holiday for a few days.

On Monday he starts his 12 week full-time job as an intern for the county council. He spent hours applying for the job and had 3 rounds of application to get through.

A the end of this he’ll go away with his girlfriend. He’ll have earned around £5k over the summer so will have enough to enjoy himself.

Yes, I think they should be working- the exception would be those on courses with a high level of placement etc. I definitely didn’t work in the summer after my PGCE! How else do they plan to finance their lives over the summer?

Agree he should be working - how is he funding his lifestyle? Has he ever had a PT job?

Thanks everyone :) so the resounding answer is: he needs to get a job or do something practical..

Re. Funding - he gets a student loan which covers his fees and accommodation - just. He doesn't do much at uni that costs money - I think he goes out for a pint once or twice a week and that's about all. His dad paid his first term of housing so that money has subbed his food costs IYSWIM.

But by now, he must be getting very close to zero in his bank account so really should be saving before the next term starts (DH told him he can't pay his rent again)

Re. Ease of getting a job - we live in a major city so there are loads of jobs in retail, hospitality, supermarkets etc. he just won't entertain it. He either gets stroppy and won't talk about it or says he "can't work because what if I want to see my friends?"

DH thinks he should work but also is scared (i think) of pushing him away by being too firm.

His mum says he doesn't need to and should be allowed to do what he wants, so there's that too. If DH pushes the need to get a job, he'll quickly be painted as the villain

I think it is terrible for my stepson to have no job and work experience but I also think it is setting a terrible example to his younger siblings (he's the eldest of 4).

Oh and as some asked: me and DH jointly own the house and I pay 50% of all bills, food etc

Who pays for his mobile phone and games? Who buys him treats and snacks?

You need to sit down with him, swallow your pride, and tell him money is tight right now and you're not trying to be a pain in the ass but he needs to contribute to the house.

If he refuses, cancel his phone contract, hide the router during the day, and stop being a personal servant to him.

I'd also not leave expensive food lying around. Bread cereal and milk would be all is be leaving the layabout. The rest would be locked up. No pot noodles for you, you lazy swine.

Up to you if you'd accept chores in payment of 'rent'. For me it's hane to be a good few hours per day of chores. Not just put the bins out!

You are enabling him to be a lazy sponger...

I see your update, crossed with my post.

So his dad is afraid to lose him. I get that. His mum just looks like the good guy and his dad the bad guy.

I'd still be saying to him that we don't have any money to give you for next term so don't be relying on that as we are skint.

And nothing wrong with him doing chores. Does his dad do chores?

Well he's going to find out the hard way what happens if he can't afford to eat next academic year.

You can't force him to work but he certainly can't force you to support him financially at his age.

Only thing I would say is, is he definitely not applying for jobs? My 17yo has been applying for loads and not getting anywhere. Could he be defensive because he's trying and not getting anywhere so he feels shit about it?

I'd say it's up to him if he's self funding. But if wants any money after that runs out, he'd not be getting a penny from me and hopefully from not from his father.