Should a 19 year old work?

[Northerngirl89]

My stepson is 19. He's home from uni for the summer. For months, it has been suggested he gets a job, with lots of offers of support for help with his cv, etc. but he just gets annoyed and says "if you tell me to get a job, I won't"

The same as before he went to uni, now he's back, he spends all day in bed or playing video games.

Is this normal?

When I was 19 I was at uni working 30 hours a week in a bar during the term and 45+ in reading weeks and holidays. I've had a paid job of some form since I was 12 so the not doing anything just doesn't compute with me.

I don't think it's good for him to do nothing for 3ish months all summer. Or is it?

For context, he does nothing around the house e.g. doesn't cook or clean etc. or contribute financially.

Today me and DH have been at work so all my stepson has eaten is a left over Easter egg as he couldn't be bothered to cook (there is plenty of food in the fridge)

We don't have a huge amount of disposable income and it doesn't seem fair that me and DH work full time for him to do nothing and contribute nothing.

Or is this normal? Parents of nearly-20-year olds what do you expect from them?

DS1 didn't work, but he didn't spend any money either. He's very neat and tidy and self sufficient and no bother to have around.

My younger two are materialistic and work as much as they can. They're also slobs, leave a mess everywhere and talk non stop about their latest drama (there seem to be several dramas per day). But I can't fault their work ethic.

They're all different. If they are happy with not having much money and having to do all their own chores, then leave them be and make it clear they will not be receiving financial support after graduation.

My uni student works because she wants a life that’s more interesting than the bare minimum that loans offer. She has plans after graduating next year and wants to achieve them all and that costs money.

Student bank accounts come with an overdraft facility so maybe he’s using that?

If he lived here then he’d be able to get casual work at events like music concerts and football as stewards, car parking attendants, bar staff etc It’s not regular work as in 30 hours a week like you did but giving up a night or two can add up quickly to his finances.

In your shoes I’d be prepared for more of the same after he graduates. He has an easy life at yours so it makes sense that he has no urgency to go out and get work. He’s competing against the people who just finished A-levels and returning from their uni cities so lots of social possibilities if he picks a typical student job.

When I was a student in the early 80s there weren't many jobs to be had - the norm was to sign on during the summer vacation. So we did have a little bit of money.

Nowadays it seems like a lot of students do work in termtime and/or Xmas and Easter vacations ... no idea how if they're doing a full time course. I wouldn't have had time doing my chemistry degree back then and no way would my DD in her recent engineering degree (her uni doesn't let them work in term anyway and she did lots of studying in those vacs).

But summer is another matter, she had paid internships in all 3. The money was nice but the experience was invaluable - she got a job offer so no stress applying and interviewing in the run up to finals.

My 19 year old works about 20 hours a week all summer when she's home and a fair few weekends in term time as it's a wedding venue. It's hard graft for minimum wage but it's convenient and she can now work a busy bar, do silver service and deal with tricky customers. The skills are invaluable. My younger daughter works too. I don't take any money from them but they buy their own clothes, makeup and gigs from their wages and I still expect weight pulling at home.

None of mine worked whilst at uni 🤷‍♂️however, they lived at home as in a city with choice of three universities. They didn't get student loans as they learnt from me that debt is not good. I didn't give them spending money, if they wanted anything they used their savings which was mostly gift money from grandparents which they had saved up. They are all functioning adults with good jobs and very good with budgetting their money.

Dh and I always had summer jobs during uni.
I expect my dcs to do the same .
All three of my dcs have Summer jobs .
I really don’t want my dcs spending three months doing nothing .
They started applying for jobs months ago..
Dniece found a job as an activity leader at a Summer camp. She only found the job two weeks ago so there are still jobs around.

Firstly, amazing you still have Easter eggs!

Secondly, he sounds lazy and should definitely be working and at the very least helping out around the house.

I don't understand how he's funding his day to day activities? Is he using his student loan?
If you have abundant finances and are willing to support him then he'll have little motivation to work. But this isn't the case.
You need to sit down as a family and explain in real terms how much it costs for an extra person to be in the house.
Pressuring him to get a job may not work, but stop buying any extra food, or cooking meals. Even say the WiFi goes off at 11pm cos we can't afford it without your contribution.
Does he have a goal he wants work towards, like would you agree to chip in for a holiday or a car or something (something in your budget as a birthday Xmas gift by type thing) if he were to step up and sort it out financially, and prove it for the next few months at least?

Can’t believe the suggestion that you hide the expensive food 🤣

Not normal and (IMO) not healthy.
I worked part time as a waitress throughout uni (professional degree, pretty much 9-5 with 1 half day a week at uni, worked a couple of evenings) Worked every summer I could (had to spend summers doing placements)
Dd1 is 20, 3rd year law. Works for Select, which is a hospitality company where she can apply for shifts to suit her (worked at concerts, festivals, racecourse, football and rugby ). She has saved over £1000 so she can go travelling later in the summer. She has a 10 hour shift 3 days this week, as well as 2 days volunteering with a charity. Not only do these look good on her CV, she has learnt a LOT from her experiences.
Dd2 (19) is at uni and works in a pub during term time. She lives a bit away, so unable to continue that during holidays, so she is covering holidays at my work, earning enough to go on holiday with friends later and pay for her social life. Working has really matured her, I'm amazed!
As an employer, I like to see people who have done jobs other than just their professional qualification. Learning to deal with people, money, problems, and learning skills is a great thing, and tells me a lot about their work ethic

Yes. Though I'm not sure my 19 year old DD will - but then she's still at college (doing a one year standalone course) til end of June then we are going on holiday. Two months until she needs to go to uni, not sure where she'll work for such a short stint.
But if she was off in late May and not back for almost four months she'd definitely be getting a job - to get the experience, something for her CV, to keep her occupied and to earn some money for the rest of the year.

says he "can't work because what if I want to see my friends?"

What are his friends doing? Are they working?

He won't be able to see them if he's got no money and they want to go to the pub or a festival or the seaside or book a last minute trip to Ibiza.

Full time work during the holidays is perhaps a bit overboard. After all, he’s got the rest of his life to work full time and may well have to. But part time work he should absolutely have to do. I think 20-30 hours per week just to give him structure at the very least is more than reasonable. Even if money is no object, then volunteer work. He should be working hard to get experience and grow his CV to set him apart from other candidates at the end of his degree. Degrees don’t hold the same prestige they used to and employers often look for much more than just a degree. Work ethic being one of them.

Well, yes, of course he should get a job. Having said that, he will presumably get one when he needs cash. So by all means provide food ( but not rubbish snacks or whatever) and give him a roof over his head. But do not give him any cash for spending. Your DH has told him he won't be paying for accommodation when he goes back to Uni and I think all you can do just now is make sure that he understands there will be no handouts of money for any reason whatsoever. He'll learn!!

He sounds like a lazy sod! How does he work whilst at university? Hopefully his attitude is completely different there.

I was babysitting for two regular families from age 14. My son had his name down well in advance of his 13th birthday to start a paper round as soon as he was able. Both my daughters started waitressing at 15. Now they’re all in their 30s with fantastic careers and only my son has ever been jobless, for just one month when he was 20.

Stop subsidising that lazy 19 year old, he’s not a child.

If he’s not asking for money, what’s the issue? He’ll be working until he’s 70 plus along with the rest of his generation. In hindsight I’d have enjoyed my uni holidays more.

Of course he should work he is an adult ! Both my dc worked whilst at uni - worked whilst there and when they came home . Putting up marquees for events , catering companies , waitressing anything they could get .

It's not just about getting through now though is it.

The money I earned working funded the deposit so I could move to a rental in another city when I got my first job. Some of it eventually contributed to my house deposit.

My parents couldn't afford to pay those things so if I'd not worked in the holidays I'd have had to turn those opportunities down.

Even if he doesn't need the money now it seems short sighted.

I enjoyed my summer work, the socialising with it and it helped me get a 'proper' job.

He won't be working til he's 70 if he doesn't start now.

Having a degree won't get him a job if his CV has nothing on it when he graduates.

He's going to be up against graduates with umpteen term time and summer jobs under their belts when the time comes to start on the career ladder. Guess who's going to get the interviews?

Someone needs to tell him the cold, hard truth here.

That's a very short-sighted approach.

Did is 19. She has a bar job in term term and also does ServeLegal work. In the holidays she works FT - in a hotel and she's joined a couple of agencies that provide bar staff. She's motivated and hard-working. At home, she will cook, buy food, do housework. She's had part-time jobs since she was 15... Most of her friends are the same.

DS didn't work during Uni term time but he worked in a warehouse throughout the summer holidays.
Your step son will struggle to get a job after he graduates if he doesn't get some work experience (doesn't matter what the job is) so he's got something to put on his CV.

That's his mum. She's the one saying let him do what he wants.

My 19 year old has a full time job and my 17 year old has a part time job alongside college so I’d be calling your step son a massive piss taker.