So apparently when you get to 80

[fungipie]

you give up driving

you must sell your home and downsize

give poa away

give up on life then and curl up in a corner. Hurrah.

?

You need to have a poa, not use it.

My DPs average age is 91. Still in own home, drive and poa not activated.

Dad potters in his workshop building small bits of furniture.

You must be 'put in a home' as you will surely have dementia

You mustn't share your knowledge about
Bringing up children
Politics
Education
Current affairs, as you surely know

nothing

(You will understand one day Wafflefudge - if you're lucky)

Bit yes, some threads from 30 somethings do seem to think anything post 70 is one foot in the grave.

oh yes, potter in the shed, knit by the fireplace.

Stop living so you are 'safe'.

The thing is at 80+ these things are more necessary than at 70 but less than at 90.
Nobody has said there is a cut off just that more families need to start thinking about them with parents in their 80s than families with parents in their 70s.
Life doesn’t end until it ends but it gets harder.

My parents are 89 and 91. I wish they had downsized at 80. I think they would have been able to enjoy life if they were nearer amenities and weren't weighed down by all the responsibilities of maintaining a big house. I think downsizing means you can live a fuller life, not a lesser one.

My parents moved to be near me & in town so driving not essential in their late 70s. It meant they had several years to get really established in the community & make friends while they still both had good health. My dad is very active & does lots of things in his early 90s, but had to stop driving due to sight loss a few years ago, so it's fortunate he's somewhere with shops, doctor etc in walking distance plus a reasonable bus service.

You said 'I think' and you may well be right. But surely it is THEIR choice, no.

The ageism on MN is staggering.

My 80 year old has

• got a new boy friend (also 80)
• taken up tequila shots
• goes on regular holidays
• got a speeding ticket

Shall I tell her she is failing at being old?

You will Also be super rich and bought your million pound home for £3.59

They moved to a house nicer than their previous one due to lower prices here, & also more convenient for their lifestyle (bigger lounge & kitchen, fewer bedrooms), so not really downsizing but more useful to them

You need POA long before then.

I'm 50 and plan to sort it soon.

I think it was in ancient Eskimo cultures where once people reached old age and felt a burden, they would just go out and lie in the snow and freeze to death. Could this be a solution?

It is their choice, for sure, but I reckon anyone supporting an elderly parent (& 90 is very, very different from 80, even if you're in relatively good health) will be thinking about how they can make things easier for their own old age. Add in that unlike many of our parents we're working full time plus often sandwich caring & it's often a struggle even in the best of cases

@fungipie - that's not ageism. That's realism.

You also can't dare spend money on your own nice holidays because that's not fair as you're spending their inheritance

Like your nan did?

It's probably very sensible to downsize at 80 if you haven't already. Name me an 80 year old who needs to live in a large house with stairs?

Driving - depends, but both my parents chose to give up at 80. My dad because he had a much younger wife who could do the driving. My Mum because she felt nervous.

POA - get it set up early. You don't have to "activate" it yet but there's every chance it will be needed.

There's no getting away from the fact that 80 is "getting on a bit" to be fair.

Really?
I'm in my fifties and have no children, and nephews and nieces live abroad and aren't close. This has made me wonder what, if anything, if people in my position do?

Well of course it is THEIR choice so long as it doesn't become a problem for their relatives. If they can carry on living in their big house in a remote location and managing their health and finances without calling on relatives for regular help - then no problem with THEIR choice.

Man I am 48 and have set up POA. If you haven’t you really aré stupid ! And written a will.

my mil moved into sheltered accommodation and is having a whale of a time.

My parents in a massive house with loads of issues, not so much.

I can’t wait to get into sheltered housing. Am already looking forward to it

I sorted my LPA at 61. Which is a bit late really. I can relax knowing it's sitting there in the background available to be used if/when needed. Which I hope is not before I'm about 90. But if I have a stroke in my early 70s, which my mum and maternal grandfather both did, at least it will make my children's lives a lot less stressful than they would be without it.

Downsizing to a house that I'd be happy in will probably not release any cash after I've paid all the costs involved in moving. And the thought of the stress involved makes it not a positive thing at all.

My DDs are lovely, but I spend most of my live trying not to be annoying, needy or expressing any kind of opinion or observation on their life choices, family life, or anything else I might know something about. We pretty much need to hide who we are and how we feel, going by how frequent the complaints are about boomer parents, on here.

Agreed, that is the key. Get organised so you don't need constant family help, get outside help when required too. Organise your home so it is ready in case stairs no longer possible. Stairs however are a great way to keep fit and strong.

Yes, 80 is getting on a bit- but just because someone hits 80, they don't have to give everything up. If you have good reflexes and good eyesight, and are a good driver- why should you suddenly become incapable.

And being constantly told by ACs what to do and how to do it, after a lifetime of independence, professional and personal success- is truly a bit (VERY) annoying and actually, quite shocking. And I am making every effort not to make my own parents feel like that, and continue to trust their judgement, and hope mine will when I get to this stage (60 very soon).

Every adult should set up POA. Obviously it cab only be enacted at a certain point, but you need to have it.

OP, you're being ridiculous. My mum is in her 80s. She's still driving, she's just been on holiday to Menorca and is off to Australia in September for 6 weeks.

Her living situation isn't ideal for her age - not the size of the house, which is big but manageable - but the rural location where even a pint of milk necessitates a car journey. I think she should move but completely accept its her choice.

Who is saying that over 80s can't drive or be independent?