So apparently when you get to 80

[fungipie]

you give up driving

you must sell your home and downsize

give poa away

give up on life then and curl up in a corner. Hurrah.

I thought it was nearer 60 on here for all that

I think it was in ancient Eskimo cultures where once people reached old age and felt a burden, they would just go out and lie in the snow and freeze to death. Could this be a solution

I think it’s called ‘assisted dying’ now.

It really does depend on your 80 yr old. If you have one that’s bloody minded and expects everyone else to resolve every challenge they face then you’d definitely prefer them to have made more sensible, smaller life choices.

Mine is causing chaos and lurching from drama to drama. We are needing to bail her out. She’s costing me an arm and a leg, and isn’t particularly good company or appreciative. In fact it’s a challenge to spend a day without descending to a screeching match. And I don’t screech.

"You need POA long before then.

I'm 50 and plan to sort it soon."

Every adult should have it. 50 is late!

Definitely failing at being old. What an absolute legend ♥️

It’s, of course, their choice.
The point and problem is though is that many, many people make NO plans for their old age. They sleep walk into dementia or physical limitations. They then expect others (their children who warned them about this 5 years ago) to fix it, Have you read any of the threads about aging parents suddenly unable to care for themselves and the stress and awfulness of having to be the one to try and make it right.
We can all hope we’re fit and well into our 90’s. We should also all plan for if that doesn’t happen.

My GP we’re very independent when they were 80 only took a few short years for them both to have dementia and in a care home, total lack of planning or consideration for their children who have had to put their lives on hold for them.

My mum can still run a 10k at 81. She go bonkers just sitting in a chair!

And has been known to down shots!

I have no one to nominate as attorney (DC have SEN/mental health issues, I'm not married, no siblings, cousins etc). So I haven't done LPAs

Post 70?? I am 53 and feel I am going to have a fight on my hands to convince my kids that I am not old when I get to 60.

And being constantly told by ACs what to do and how to do it, after a lifetime of independence, professional and personal success- is truly a bit (VERY) annoying and actually, quite shocking.

Yes. I'm really struggling with that. I'm not able to advise or offer opinions to my kids, but vice versa? With one in particular, It's open season.

My post retirement role (unpaid) is highly professional, and I'm respected and appreciated by my colleagues and service users, just as I was in my paid role. But do my kids think I can be trusted with day to day domestic life, or to actually know something? Not really.
It's bizarre, and galling.

My older sister said this to my mum when she was 42 so well done on lasting this long 😉

My mum has POA or I have it for her(?) At 60, she's planning ahead!

I know a man well into his 80s who has downsized to a smaller yacht. He still sails regularly and helps out at local races.

Sell a home too big for your needs that comes with a large garden that costs you £3k+ per year to maintain because someone referred you to a gardener whose specialty isn't gardening but fleecing older people...
Sensible?
If not, why not?

"Give poa away"?
Maybe take five minutes to look up what POA actually is.
Then come back and apologise to the hundreds of women here - and it is mainly women - who look after their elderly parents conscientiously and constantly (it's the new third shift) and are able to do so because their parents were sensible enough to agree to a POA.

@fungipie

I'm 58, pottering in my shed is my favourite thing

My son has a man shed but he has abandoned me to go to university and is done with such childish things

I will clear it out and have 2 lady sheds at my disposal. The one at home has power, so eventually will have a chaise longe and wine fridge

On a cheery note every year after 80 you have approximately a 1 in 15 chance of dying.

@fungipie
You mention that stairs are a great way to keep fit and strong.
You're right - I heard or read about a doctor some time ago who talked about some older people having what he called "bungalow legs".
He was referring to people who, sensibly you would think, moved to bungalows in anticipation of one day being unable to manage stairs.
But they gave up climbing stairs long before they needed to, and lost a lot of strength in their legs, hence his phrase.

I strongly agree….my mum moved into a bungalow at 80 ….now 88 …..and she manages well….the old house was just too big with regard to cleaning,, maintenance etc….she also moved to a large village with excellent public transport ( bus to town every 15 minutes) and gp , 2 small supermarkets, dentist, hairdressers within walking distance and a thriving U3A …… she has zero regrets

Thanks, glad someone understands.

@fungipie

You said 'I think' and you may well be right. But surely it is THEIR choice, no.

The ageism on MN is staggering.
Of course ultimately it's there choice. You can't force them. But who is talking about forcing?

The problem is many people get to that sort of age, dig their heels in and refuse to listen to reason. Then in a very few more years, they find they can't handle the stairs or the size but are now too old to cope with moving. Then it becomes everyone else's problem. It is the same as stopping driving. Sometimes people need to stage ab intervention as the old person refuses to accept their limitations

And walk at least 10 km a week. Keeps you strong, keep good balance, help with positivity. And keep learning new things, a language, a skill, new facts, anything new. Age takes hold when you give up moving and learning. Stop travelling, stop driving.

Of course prepare and plan. Of course get outside help and not expect ACs to jump up for you. But please- let people led normal lives after 80 if they so wish and don't tell them to sit there like puddings waiting for the end.

When I get too old to be me, I will take myself out of the equation.

Yes if you are completely capable of living at 80 as you did before - of course no one should be involved in your life decisions (although you should have a POA - we have had ours since we did our wills in our 40s and recently updated them).

But if you can't safely drive and won't recognise it then what do you suggest adult children do? Leave you to it?

MIL is very stubborn about using her walker and leaving tasks for others - she has plenty of help who could do stuff for her. As a result she has fallen numerous times and broken bones and each time someone spends 12 hours in the emergency room with her. Should SIL not express any wish that she would use her walker and not try getting stuff down from cupboards - and just suck up the regular 12 hours in a&e? Or leave her go to the hospital on her own?

MIL has a better social life than us btw - still sees her friends and goes out to concerts, book group etc and is involved in a volunteer thing. No-one wants her to spend her time sitting by the fire knitting. No one wants to have to drop everything to sort out a preventable accident either.