So apparently when you get to 80

[fungipie]

you give up driving

you must sell your home and downsize

give poa away

give up on life then and curl up in a corner. Hurrah.

It’s easy for you to say that now but when your survival instinct kicks in you might not act that way.

Yes, agreed. Do need to meet somewhere in the midde. Plan, prepare, get outside advice and help- but continue to live, be positive, be active, be involved. ACs can become so bossy, bordering on domineering and even worse. And very selfish and entitled. I see it around me all the time.

Just because you downsize and give up your car keys doesn’t mean life is over. Our 80 something year old lives in a retirement complex and has a lovely time. It’s c all yoga, nightly cocktails and popping off to markies for dinner. She has hung up her car keys after attempting to shear off the side of a parked car and not noticing. She now has a toyboy (70s) he takes her on nice drives and she pays for coffees

This is Dorothy Fraser. At 86 she ran 200 meters in 57.14 seconds during the BMAF British Masters Athletics Federation indoor national championships - average pace 7:40/mile (4:45/km)

OK, so she's exceptional but it does show what is possible. I find a quick browse of Alex Rotas' photography site does wonders for my fear of aging and inspires me to keep active as long as I can - so many men and women totally rocking getting older.

My work - Alex Rotas (alexrotasphotography.co.uk)

I agree.
My mil downsized and it was a much better move for her, very wise. Walking distance to town centre with good public transport. She got a much fuller life out of it, plus it freed up loads of money for her to spend. Another elderly relative went on for the last six/seven years of her life about how she wish she'd downsized, like mil. She feels she left it too late and became too hard to move and also to hard to live in a big house.
I wish my fil had given up driving (wisely like mil did (divorced) actually before she really needed too). Frankly fil was dangerous behind the wheel but would listen to nobody.

POA is very sensible. I'm in my 50s and plan to get one when as my kids are all adults, including a detailed living will thing. Seems a sensible thing to have in the file with the will.

My PIL downsized at 80 to a retirement complex and we are all so glad. They have a social life, but the house was getting too much for them. Better to take the decision early than too late.

ACs can become so bossy, bordering on domineering and even worse. And very selfish and entitled.
Well, that sounds a bit shit. But badly-behaved adult children is something plenty of people on here suffer relatively early in life.
It doesn't mean you can assume you'll sail through life until the day you die without reorganizing your life a little to adapt to reality.

Going by some of the comments in the Michael Mosley threads, you are decrepit in your 60's, never mind 80's.

Maybe there is no asset grab planned, but any family/couple should have a plan (even if it isn't what the kids might hope for).

Accidents happen: Doubly so when you trip/fall/crash when elderly.

If you have dependents, consider how would they cope if you died tomorrow? How would they cope if you had alzheimers or a stroke?

If you don't trust your family, ask some friends.

POA's take an age to sort out (health and finance are two different applications).

It gets messy if plans aren't in place (and it is usually a hefty chore even if they aren't).

A great short story about ageism. Gift to adult DC?
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Two-Old-Women-Betrayal-Survival-ebook/dp/B00BS8P9CM/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=

I have worked in care homes. I have seen a 102 year old as sharp as a whiper snapper and still walking, talking, could beat anyone at scrabble and do the calculations in a flash.

I also have seen 60yos with dementia and those in 70s who have just aged faster than their peers and can not live life unaided.

It’s just the way it is. If you’re doing well then great news OP. From what I have seen the 70s is a bit of a hump and if you go through it in good health then you’re likely to be a steamer to 90+.

Surely it depends on the individual DF is 79, POA invoked. Care homes being considered … DFIL (90) flying abroad next week to hire a car to attend legal meetings about his business arrangements.

sensible either way to have POA in place for when it’s needed.

Really?

I'm 69 and have a friend 75. We walk together twice a week. Alongside a canal so fairly level, and walk 4 miles each time. Certainly not ready to give up my independence yet (and neither is she)

I have asked my kids to let me know when they are no longer happy to be in the car when I am driving. No issues from either of them yet. I drive more slowly in the dark and my daughter said that shows I am aware that my vision/reactions are not what they were but still drive within my capabilities (motorway at 70 is still fine). I have set up, but not activated, POA. They both know my wishes (no treatment beyond palliative once I am no longer able decide for myself).

So far, their advice is just that. Advice. My son got a new car last year. Brought it round to show me, and gave me the keys for a drive. That's good enough for me, for now.

Not sure how I'll feel when they do start saying it's time but I'm pretty sure they won't until it's needed

I have to trust them. I definitely trust them more than I trust anyone else

My grandad is 78 & still goes out on his mountain bike (we live In Yorkshire nr Haworth so very very hilly!) & in all weather. I had to tell him to meet me at his when I passed him in my car in the snow & he wanted to chat at the side of the road! His spare room has his weights & exercise equipment along with his multiple guitars/electric guitars & amps. We have to tell him to calm it down a bit but that’s only in relation to the noise lol, his neighbours aren’t best pleased at his ‘rock music’. He’d tell me right where to go if I acted like he was ‘too old’ 😂😂

Whereas my nan is getting frail now after she broke her hip last year so she needs a lot more support & we do have to tell her to watch what she’s doing & that she needs to be more mindful about what she’s capable of (nan & grandad not together anymore even though they do still sleep together when they fancy a bit!)

My late DF had decided that he would give up driving when he turned 90. Unfortunately he got sick and didn't quite make it, but I have a strong feeling that when his 90th birthday was approaching he would have changed his mind. He had one car accident in his whole life, in his mid 80s, when someone failed to stop at a Give Way sign and hit him. He organised his own finances, sold his flat and bought an apartment in his mid-80s with no input (other than asking my opinion) from me. I wouldn't have dreamed of telling him how to live his life, nor my late DM, who was still driving until she broke her hip at age 86.

I'm not in the UK, but here POA has to be signed off by a doctor as the person being unable to deal with their own finances/health decision.

I am in my 30s and love pottering in the shed. DH and I frequently talk about downsizing once the kids have flown the nest. We've also talked about POA (but not got round to it yet. Am I...am I actually 80 years old?

Tweedbankline - I think you'll find the house cost £3 6s 9d!

I just remembered, my DF also moved towns when he was around 80. Sold one property, bought another one, and moved - all with NO help from me (his only child).

I think you should have a POA, it makes good sense, as for downsizing- also at times can make sense, because stairs are a hazard if you can avoid them. Driving- maybe, maybe not- but I also think as you (we) age you also need to realistically look at where you are and what you can do, and not ignore there are some limitations creeping in.

And at 45- I set up POA for medical and financial- because shit happens and pretending it won't doesn't get you anywhere. Pretending you're not getting older, doesn't stop it happening. Being a 'good' 80 yr old, doesn't mean you're not still 89. And yes, there are vastly different quality if life that people have as they age- but you are aging, things do change, at different rates, granted, but pretending you're not now elderly, is daft. You can be that and grateful you still have your health and active, but you are still elderly. Same as I am middle aged and not young. It's not an insult, it's a fact.

My wonderful Grandfather lived the longest out of all my grandparents. He was 81 and the family were proud of him for making it that far. The average life expectancy in the UK is currently 79 years for men and 81 years for women. Not everyone is lucky enough to make it to 100.

Yes you do that!

After 80 doesn't seem that great in my family.
Having said that, it's looking like dementia in my 60s for me, so I'll have no idea. Fit and healthy body, but no mind.

And the driving thing....I do A roads, local roads and motorways every day. Much older people are a liability. Their reactions are definitely slower. They can't always appear to see over the steering wheel. They don't speed up on slip roads.