Thread 50 - Covid GCSE Cohort - New Year of Adulting

[OrangeSpicedBun]

2024 here we are... our young people are still getting used to adulting and we're still doing that adulting thing ...it's tough !

This is a support thread for our young adults post GCSEs 2020, regardless of their educational setting, and their results ( or life updates for those who went into work or have had results earlier). It is respectfully requested that all are supportive and helpful to each other. If you want to start a debate, e.g state vs private, uni vs employment please don't within this thread.

Some of us have been here since first thread back in yr10, some will be new. Everyone has been friendly and helpful in the past. Everyone is welcome. It is hoped this will continue. We were previously on the secondary board and then further education, now we shall be here in 'Parents of Adult Children' gulp

Our DS/DD may continue down various pathways ( employment, apprenticeships, higher ed). Experience is that everyone is welcomed wherever, whatever their child is doing we have some in work, gap years , apprenticeships etc too. Lots of contributors with different experiences and always sympathy and advice to be had.
Previous thread
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/parents_of_adult_children/4922401-thread-49-covid-gcse-cohort-the-nights-are-drawing-in?page=10

Probably for the best...

Get well soon!

@PhotoDad Hope you get well soon. The cough going round here is a good three weeks to shift.

Sorry to hear about the hospital stays and worries about some DC. And also great to hear of some internships and industry year jobs.

I haven't been on for a couple of months as a couple of days after my last post in January my DSis had another stroke and didn't make it. We have all been devastated, she was 53. Thankfully for her it was quick and now knowing the type of stroke it was, she was fortunate not to survive as she would have been left with locked-in syndrome and no communication or movement at all, but be cognitively with it. But that doesn't make it any easier. I am normally such a level headed person and quite unemotional but I have been blindsided and it hit me harder than I could have imagined. Things are thankfully settling now but I think it will be a good while before I feel 'normal'.

DS continued to struggle at university, with no support and I ended up writing to student support in February sometime with a long list of ways he had asked for support and been let down and this did result in some action. The interim support of a specialist mentor that was supposedly put in place in mid January did not actually result with an appointment for DS until two weeks ago. By then he had managed to get a few sessions with a wellbeing counsellor and has made the decision to leave university. We will be writing a formal complaint when this is all settled as the 'support' by the university has been appalling and we don't want any other young person to be let down in the same way.

DS came home about a week ago and is so much more like his old self, he just seems lighter in himself, which is so lovely to see. A lot of his stuff is still in uni as he has the house until the end of June and will no doubt go back to visit a bit.

We will also have the issue of getting rid of the room in a house that he has signed up for for next year, but am hopeful that won't be an issue.

He is currently at an all day assessment centre for a really good job at DH's workplace so please cross your fingers for him. This would be ideal but if he doesn't get it, then his decision about uni still stands. He had applied for the job in February and was running two parallel paths to see which would work out.

Finally, we checked out his student loan balance and it is currently just shy of £23,000 of which over £1,000 is interest already applied! Eeeek! Thankfully him leaving at Easter means only half fees for this year.

I so hope he is successful 2024, well done to all of you for making the call right for him.

You must be absolutely devastated at the loss of your sister, it's so sad to read. But as you say, she was spared a horribly unimaginable condition and for that at least, she is at peace.

Tough year for you so far. I hope things really start to improve for you all.

@2024Newnames so sorry for your loss - 53 is no age at all.

Sounds as though your DS has made the right decision for him. I hope he is successful with his job hunting. Which uni was he at? Some do seem very poor at giving any support.

Thank you @ealingwestmum and @Seeline.

Seeline - He was at Bath Uni who generally have a really good reputation for support and the parents Facebook page reinforces that. I don’t know how DS slipped through the net but he definitely did in several ways. He asked several times for help but didn’t get any. I could get very worked up about it all and will in time make a formal complaint. But for now, we are just relieved for him that he has made the right decision to leave and not try to put himself through a minimum of another 3 years.

I'm so sorry for your loss @2024Newnames - that must be devastating

Sounds like your DS has made the right choice and wishing him best of luck for the assessment

Oh what terribly sad news. Very sorry and sorry about DS, too.

I'm so sorry to read all that, @2024Newnames.

So sorry to hear your sad news @2024Newnames. May her soul rest in peace.

Very saddened to hear about the poor support for your DS which despite all his efforts has resulted in him having to leave uni for his own well being. I'm very impressed to hear he has already put himself out there again and is looking for jobs.. what a determined young man! Wishing him all very best with his assessment and hope he hears good news soon.

Wishing you all the best too @2024Newnames this is quite a lot for you to be dealing with all at once.

@2024Newnames I am so sorry for your loss. She was taken so young. I have everything crossed for your DS. Glad you can see an improvement in his well-being already.

Thank you everyone. It’s been a really horrible few months and I couldn’t face writing it down before but the support is very much appreciated. I have had a good cry today which has done me good.

I am so hoping that DS gets this job. It just happened to come up a little while ago and DH heard about it. It went fairly well but there were 4 of them at final interview so who knows. He should hear in the next week or so. We will face other options if we have to when he knows the outcome of this.

@2024Newnames I’m so sorry for your loss, that’s so sad. 😢 Really hoping your ds gets the job 🤞

@2024Newnames I was out last night and didn't see your post, so sorry to hear about your sister and about DS's horrendous uni experience, big respect to him for making the decision to leave and get on with jobhunting, fingers crossed for the outcome.

@2024Newnames so sorry for all of that. Life can be horrendous. Cruse helped me a great deal with my grief and it was all free - when you are ready (and it took me a year) maybe that could be something you would look into?

Thank you all.
@omnishambles thank you for the suggestion. DH thinks I would benefit from counselling and I may well look into it. Being the sibling is often overlooked and rather complex particularly as we had a typical sibling relationship. Being the only child now, I do also strongly feel the responsibility of making sure my parents are ok and feel very much alone with it even though DH is brilliant. Both in their 70s but some issues that I would usually talk to DSis about. A lot of complex feelings. I am not a talker by nature, more of a stick it in a box and hope it doesn’t surface person!! Not sure that will work this time 🤔

@2024Newnames
So sorry to read this. Glad you had a good cry. I'm a firm believer that a good cry releases lots of tension.

And I hope that things work out for ds. Shame on you naughty Bath! 1 less brownie point for them on our list of good unis eh?

I'm so sorry to hear your news about the loss of your sister @2024newnames and at such a young age. Sending hugs.
I'm glad that your DS has made a decision that seems to have made him happy. Fingers crossed that he gets the job. Well done to you for giving Bath a rocket, perhaps you feedback will, indeed, ensure that someone else's child does not suffer in the same way.

Thank you all.

just found out DS didn’t get the job. It was an amazing one and he had his heart set on it. He is inconsolable, hidden in his room, doesn’t want to talk.

DH and I are gutted, he has been so happy the last week but is broken now ☹️☹️

There is no plan B at the current time, we need to give him some space and work together but we are so upset for him.

Oh I'm so sorry @2024Newnames 😒
I can understand your ds being absolutely unconsolable.

@2024Newnames so sorry to hear you are being battered by fate on every side. Really hope your DS finds the right pathway soon. I agree with others that it shows great maturity to realise things are wrong and make a decision to take back control. 53 is obviously far too young, devastating for all of you. My dad was 42 and, although I did not realise how young that was when I was 16, his brother, mum and grandmother were all devastated. Good that you can see a glimmer of positivity that she was spared a worse fate.

@2024Newnames Poor lad. A short wallow is in order. I hope he can come round to seeing all job applications are a numbers game.

Thank you all again. @Monkey2001 i’m so sorry to hear your dad died so young and when you were so young

I rather feel like I’ve taken over this thread in the last few days. I am glad I posted as I had been putting it off and really appreciate the words of support from so many of you. As monkey said I do feel like I am being battered from all sides and the support is comforting. Thank you 🙏

I don’t want to dominate though and put people off posting their own news and bits and pieces so please feel free to continue as usual.

I’m really glad you posted 2024, and keep posting. About it all.

Time is needed for your boy right now. He hasn’t had a chance to reflect on his latest blow, but you all will come up with a plan, when ready.