Thread 50 - Covid GCSE Cohort - New Year of Adulting

[OrangeSpicedBun]

2024 here we are... our young people are still getting used to adulting and we're still doing that adulting thing ...it's tough !

This is a support thread for our young adults post GCSEs 2020, regardless of their educational setting, and their results ( or life updates for those who went into work or have had results earlier). It is respectfully requested that all are supportive and helpful to each other. If you want to start a debate, e.g state vs private, uni vs employment please don't within this thread.

Some of us have been here since first thread back in yr10, some will be new. Everyone has been friendly and helpful in the past. Everyone is welcome. It is hoped this will continue. We were previously on the secondary board and then further education, now we shall be here in 'Parents of Adult Children' gulp

Our DS/DD may continue down various pathways ( employment, apprenticeships, higher ed). Experience is that everyone is welcomed wherever, whatever their child is doing we have some in work, gap years , apprenticeships etc too. Lots of contributors with different experiences and always sympathy and advice to be had.
Previous thread
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/parents_of_adult_children/4922401-thread-49-covid-gcse-cohort-the-nights-are-drawing-in?page=10

Thanks all. Sorry for the vent. I’m at a low ebb.i

@Zebracat You have nothing to be sorry for, please vent away.

@Zebracat that was not a vent, it was a sad statement. I can't imagine how it would feel and only you can really know whether your child would see contact as a sign of love or control. Enjoy the new baby and the success you have enabled for your girl.

Love to Omni and Zebra. ❤️

I phoned ds1 today, I'd been threatening him for the last couple of weeks because he's apparently too busy to phone or text.

Lots of love to you both, Shimy and Zebracat. So painful, especially when you both come across as lovely, caring, compassionate people.
I am estranged from my 2 remaining siblings; their choice but in response to me asserting myself against their horrible treatment of me. It's easier without them in my life, but it's still hurtful and every so often, something happens that picks off the scab - this week, my sister sent a get well card but it said the absolute bare minimum and no attempt at affection/feelings (the first direct contact I've had for 15 years).

Surgery went as expected on Monday, although there were a few unpleasant surprises before I finally got into theatre. Can't fault the care I was shown by the NHS staff and even the food was good. First few days of recovery were a bit rough but I'm feeling a bit better each day. Histology results in 4 weeks, so everything crossed for positive news.

Fingers crossed, @Alwaysplayspicc!

@Shimy and @Zebracat... Sorry to hear about your situations. As a teacher, my years of sitting across the table from families on Parents' Evenings have persuaded me that, for better or for worse, kids are their own people right from the start. Parental influence is much less than we'd sometimes like to think. I've seen so many families where there is a huge mismatch in personalities between parents, children, and siblings. Sometimes the apple falls very far from the tree.

@Alwaysplayspicc hope the recovery goes well. Take it nice and easy.

Sorry to hear about family issues. I've got an estranged brother too. He's done some hair raising stuff.

@Alwaysplayspicc I'm very pleased to hear you've had your surgery and now recuperating, and its always nice to hear people had a good experience in hospital. Take it easy one step at a time. Fingers crossed for Histology results.

Sorry to hear of another estrangement, It's very hard on the heart. In my case I didn't cut them out of my life (DM & sibling), I wanted them despite the yrs of abuse but they systematically cut me out. Every door closed. My DM was very good at withholding her love and letting you know you were not wanted.
I know what you mean by something happens and it reopens the wounds. For me it was things like seeing pregnant women doing baby shopping with their slightly grey haired look alike in tow, looking on lovingly while I did mine solo or friends visiting with handsome youth in tow and introducing them as My big sis's first son! and I remember my little nephew that I last saw at 3yrs old.

Luckily as we get older, the need for family gatherings with wider family has dramatically reduced, marriages, birth of a child, christenings, anniversaries, birthdays, XMAS as we are near becoming grandparents ourselves(some of you might be already). It's especially hard though when it's your dc that has distanced themself when you've been a loving parent because as parents we are always concerned about their welfare. I hope in @Zebracat 's case there is a resolution of sort in the near future.

I find what @PhotoDad said very interesting about parental influence and disimiliarites. Very interesting indeed.

@Alwaysplayspicc love and best wishes for your recovery.

Wishing you a speedy recovery Piccolo, with everything crossed for op success.

Another one with an estranged brother. And an abusive past that is too dull to talk about here, other than taking weird solace that I am not alone in having a messy family.

I have resigned myself much to the philosophy that I cannot change or control the behaviour of others, and on the whole, resigned but made peace with the situation.

I can’t imagine what it feels like to have DC not wanting to know. We could all go back and do things differently but, we also did our best at the time. I hope time is a healer for you all Zebra.

Family can be so painful 😥 sorry to hear of other broken relationships.

Best wishes for a full recovery @Alwaysplayspicc

Dd and her bf are taking a break/splitting up and I’m worried how it’s going to affect ger. It seems to be a mutual ‘not the right time’ decision but I know she’ll miss him. Ds is also going through drama in his friendship group (one of his friends is reporting another to the police over an incident which exploded out of nothing) and has surprised me with how much it’s upset him. Bringing up kids doesn’t really get any easier does it. 🤔

Best wishes to@Alwaysplayspicc we are all crossing everything that you get the all clear soon.

Sorry to hear about family estrangements and the hurt they so obviously cause. There's a few in my extended family too and although in most cases it's for the better it does still hurt.
It's lovely we can all talk candidly and freely on this thread and know no one judges as we are all just trying to live our own lives as best we can.

@Alwaysplayspicc hope your recovery continues to go well and you feel better every day onwards.

Congratulations to DS on the recent driving pass @crazycrcrazycrofter and I hope your DD can move on past this recent break up okay. Always difficult when they see them around the uni campus.

DD is home for the weekend - first time catching the train home and it went well and all three trains section's went smoothly. She feels very proud as she's always had us to fetch and return her before but she needed to get home after lecture yesterday and neither of us could collect her so she went for it. She's feeling a bit overwhelmed by this second term and spoke to her academic tutor who suggested she speak to the wellbeing lady which she did and she feels better knowing February (and 2nd term in general) can be hard for lots of students. Academically she's doing well but because she's a year older than her flat she is seen as the capable one so she's putting their needs before her own and it's all coming to a head. One girl who's she lives with overdosed and was in a bad way and DD took her to hospital and has been on high watch alert. One reason DD is home as she now needs some nurturing. The girl has gone home too and DD is hoping she will access proper help as it didn't just seem a cry for help as DD accidentally stumbled across the evidence. Thankfully.

@AnneOfCleavage nice to have your DD home for some nurturing. It sounds v stressful to be virtually 'house mother' but sounds as though she has looked after her flatmate amazingly well.

DS has his room choice for next year as no 1 in the ballot. We said to just pick the one you really want as am not sure he will want to stay on for MPhil so will be final year. It is 1k cheaper than this year as he will need to empty each term hut that's fine. He will be overlooking the gardens, next to library in a big double with big en suite and extra fold out bed. He's v happy today! Next week he is doing his first swim competition since pre covid for university second team. That will be interesting!

That’s a lot to cope with @AnneOfCleavage . It’s lovely that she’s seen as mature and supportive by her flatmates but she will definitely need a bit of home time where she can relax and be looked after herself.

@AnneOfCleavage she sounds like a chip off the old block, I think you would be house mum too! Well done her, very wise to come home to be nurtured after something like that.

How incredibly stressful for her Anne but so fortunate for the flatmate that she had her looking out for her. Hope she's enjoying her time home for some very well deserved tlc.

We had a flash visit from DD this week (tlc comes in the form of food for her :) as she had a f2f interview with Wimbledon for their guest services division for tournament. Fingers crossed, she'll hear outcome mid March for 2 - 4 week's work.

We haven't had to deal with heartbreak as yet. Often I'm thankful as those of you on here experience, it's so hard for them when things don't work out. I do however worry about how far her self-effacing side is actually masking her non-starter disappointments. Calling oneself Bridget Jones for too long can only lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy, which I hope is not the case for her, she's got so much to offer without being all consuming to the right person.

The room sounds lovely craggy, best of luck to him on the swim meet!

I think we worry either way @ealingwestmum , but she’ll find the right person I’m sure. I remember worrying about ds in years 7-9 that he never socialised outside of school except for with his best friend from home Ed days. Then he started socialising constantly and I worried about where he was and what he was doing! As I speak he’s driving his new motorbike back from Birmingham, about an hour and a quarter’s drive - I’m trying not to check the iPhone tracker too much!

Ha, that has conjured up such a great image Crazy, the joy and freedom he must feel now :)

I can't worry too much about DD. She leads such a hectic life that she knows deep down that at this stage, it would be really tricky to hold down even the bare bones of a relationship. I can't really say this to her (well I have, subtly) as it's such a different world to the one I grew up in, but let's just say I didn't hold back on the ahem, mixing with no strings. Such different times, but there was also less judgement back then ;))

Hope things progress well for you @Alwaysplayspicc .
Sorry for all those with family issues. DH and I come from very small families, which beyond our Mum's, aren't particularly close. I think it makes it easier in a way - you need to be close in the first place to go NC.

DS just messaged to say he has got a summer internship so he is very happy!

Oh well done to ds @craggyrat , that’s great, what will he be doing?

@ealingwestmum this was part of the problem with dd and her bf - she lives such a busy life and wasn’t really willing to give anything up to fit him in, so she was actually overwhelmed trying to juggle a long distance relationship too.

Hmm well spoke too soon on that one @crazycrofter - it sounds like a bit of a scam actually... it was for a charity but he's doing a bit more investigation as their reviews are horrendous

@Alwaysplayspicc Fingers crossed for the results.

@craggyrat Good luck for the swim competition.

@crazycrofter Hope he's home safe now. A motorbike would keep me on edge too, not because you don't trust them but all the other fools on the roads.