Thread 49 - Covid GCSE Cohort - The nights are drawing in...

[OrangeSpicedBun]

Autumn 🍂 well and truly underway, has been chilly this week !

This is a support thread for our young adults post GCSEs 2020, regardless of their educational setting, and their results ( or life updates for those who went into work or have had results earlier). It is respectfully requested that all are supportive and helpful to each other. If you want to start a debate, e.g state vs private, uni vs employment please don't within this thread.

Some of us have been here since first thread back in yr10, some will be new. Everyone has been friendly and helpful in the past. Everyone is welcome. It is hoped this will continue. We were previously on the secondary board and then further education, now we shall be here in 'Parents of Adult Children' gulp

Our DS/DD may continue down various pathways ( employment, apprenticeships, higher ed). Experience is that everyone is welcomed wherever, whatever their child is doing we have some in work, gap years , apprenticeships etc too. Lots of contributors with different experiences and always sympathy and advice to be had.
Previous thread :

www.mumsnet.com/talk/parents_of_adult_children/4880640-thread-48-covid-gcse-cohort-summer-before-year-2-uni?latest=1

Thank you for all your kind words.
It really has been stressful and very distressing to see how badly DS has been affected by it; there was a point during half term when we felt We couldn't let him go back to school, for his MH and for his own personal safety. Even after the school took action and DS had blocked the other person, she was still messaging DS using an anonymous account this week.
She's also created an anonymous IG account and has used that to "watch" DD and me on there.

It's very interesting to read the idea of a trauma bond,OrangeSpicedBun. DS said early on that he felt guilty for speaking up, and I know he must have very mixed emotions still, given that he was in a romantic relationship with this person for nearly a year.
He has been offered specialist counselling, thankfully, so we're hoping he'll come out the other side ok.

I’m so sorry @Alsoplayspiccolo , that sounds horrific. She sounds like she needs MH help. Your poor DS and you all having to support him must be tough.

Augh I fell off this thread several chapters ago snd couldn’t find you! Forgot it was in parents of adult children. Right off to catch up- I’ll be back!

Golly a lot going on. @Alsoplayspiccolo i am so sorry for what your DS is going through but grateful to hear that the various agencies are taking it so seriously. Insidious invasive and controlling behaviour is one thing but to have to deal with it at that age seems doubly unfair. I hope it gets resolved quickly so your DS can start to put it behind him.
@Piggywaspushed very sorry to hear about your DFIL’s death. Your DS seems to be in a good place though, loved the Rooney episode. I have a hilarious photo of my DS with Rooney who came to train his team on DS’s California campus last year. Rooney looks like Big Ears from my old Noddy books - he is tiny! 🤣

@PaddingtonPaddington i hope your DD is doing well and making plans. Sounds like the right decision.

@craggyrat so pleased to hear your radiotherapy is over, hurrah.

@ewwsprouts WELL DONE to DS and his new driving licence. DD2 failed her first test this week- groan - we had been waiting for it for 7 months as well. She has booked another but the only date we could get before April 2024 was end of January in Worcester. We live 90m away from Worcester. So you avoided that nonsense with his brilliance!

news from me apart from the failed test - DS1 is applying for increasingly mad graduate jobs around the world. He has started a radio show at Brum which is very amusing and I love hearing his voice for an hour from 5-6 every Sunday night. Really enjoying that. DS2 loving Plymouth, has found his tribe, great flatmates, loves the course, landed on his feet. Phew. @Cantonet I have also been dealing with kid4s UCAS - it’s finally in. A bit sad really as I have enjoyed delving into uni courses and possibilities. I still have a nephew I can try and input into next year …

DS and Rooney!!

That's hilarious!

🤣🤣

Yes to Big Ears 😂

@Delphigirl Delighted Plymouth is working out well. I think (as a non scientist) it's the most interesting sounding course any of our DC has chosen.

😂😂😂 Delphi!

Ahhh thanks @EwwSprouts

Delphi

@Alsoplayspiccolo just reading your updates and the motive becomes a little clearer I think, but shocking at the level of interference and continued harassment of your DS, you and DD. I hope your DS is able to find his way through this with such great support for you all. I will certainly be heeding your advice on those conversations.

@Delphigirl great photo! 😄

DS on his way home for reading week. He finds out tomorrow if he has an interview for the year abroad. He found out this week that 20 people have applied to go to the Uni he wants so in reality I don’t think it will be good news tomorrow.

Ds has been messaging me telling me about his choices for year abroad. I've no idea how the process all works. Any questions I ask Ds don't get answered. Last week he wanted to go one in USA. Today he's decided on Australia as he says he can still work his summer job here. So I guess he will tell me when he knows. I'm assuming he must have to apply soon though.

The dehumidifier seems to be making a difference to his acne as it hasn't been so bad since we bought it. He has been asking about roaccutane though, as he's heard a few people say how good it is. He says he will ask the gp for it when he's home at Christmas. But I'll see what his skin is like when I see him.

Good luck @JustHereWithMyPumpkin . @icanbewhatiwant the Australian unis are very very competitive. US unis much less so because people worry about guns. If he has a chance to go to a good private us uni he should really think about it. Getting $80k tuition for £1850 is the biggest bargain he will ever get in his life…. Or so my DS says

@Delphigirl Ds seems to think he's getting a year of fun. He says none of it counts towards his final grade. So he says he can just enjoy himself, not quite the attitude.

@Delphigirl is that $80k tuition the USA uni?

Yup. That’s what a good private uni costs in fees per annum. Residence and food on top. But for year abroad.. £1850

He needs to see it as an opportunity to do totally different courses, or ones which might help future job applications. My DS (politics) did some fantastic courses in LA on documentary filmmaking and the art of oratory and journalism and it has really helped him work out where he wants to direct his future career. He also had a lot of fun!

DS’s year is to the US, it’s not a private uni thank god so the actual fees are on average about £5k but he’s been to a talk about it and some of last years students put together a really good breakdown of everything they need to organise and include costs. When we added it all up along with the most basic of living costs money it was coming out as about £27k 😮 a lot more than what we were expecting. Thing is, DS put Notts as his first choice for the chance to actually do this so if he gets on it then we’ll do our best to get him there. <gulp>

@Alsoplayspiccolo I'm glad your ds is getting support.
@286NeuerNahhhhhhhhmen I think that's really cheap for accommodation - depends where in the uk it is? DD is 150 plus 30pw for bills, so 50 for the month is good even if there are others not included (my thoughts anyway).

Oops tagged @286NeuerNahhhhhhhhmen too early! 100 a month is amazing!

@NCTDN the £100 is just bills for a 4 bed house so £400 total a month. Obviously rent is on top, currently £510 a month. It’s relatively cheap for Bath but I think all rents will be a chunk higher next year.

DS has been home this weekend and said the house is freezing though. He’s not sure if the heating is on yet but he sleeps fully clothed with a hoodie. I did advise him to get the heating put on asap at least for an hour in the morning and a couple of hours at night.

it was lovely to see DS this weekend 😊😊

@JustHereWithMyPumpkin £27k!!!! Thank goodness DD has decided against a year/semester abroad now. She chose uni courses based on where she could go and has had a total turn around. She has come to the conclusion that her trips to Ghana have given her the experiences and skills she was looking for. DS has no choice (unless he fails 2nd year). He'll be going to Toulouse and has to study law, in French, and pass.

We haven't got any year abroad costs yet (the options/decisions made from Dec) but one of my neighbours has a DD at UCL studying JH humanities and in throes of application, inc US. For the visa process, they need to demonstrate they have at least £25k in an easy access account for processing. They don't qualify for Turing funding.

I have no idea what our costs will be. It may not be as punitive due to DD accessing Erasmus terms but I will wait to see what is confirmed from Uni.

Yes for DS his accommodation and food (all catered) was USD9,000 per semester (2 semesters for a year). He had to show he had all that and additional expense money (eg for medical insurance) in an account in his name. We opened a Canadian account (easy as he is Canadian and my brother lives there) and put cash in there - about £25k worth I think. There certainly wasn’t any left at the end. I think inc flights and £1850 fees the year cost about £32k.