Thread 49 - Covid GCSE Cohort - The nights are drawing in...

[OrangeSpicedBun]

Autumn 🍂 well and truly underway, has been chilly this week !

This is a support thread for our young adults post GCSEs 2020, regardless of their educational setting, and their results ( or life updates for those who went into work or have had results earlier). It is respectfully requested that all are supportive and helpful to each other. If you want to start a debate, e.g state vs private, uni vs employment please don't within this thread.

Some of us have been here since first thread back in yr10, some will be new. Everyone has been friendly and helpful in the past. Everyone is welcome. It is hoped this will continue. We were previously on the secondary board and then further education, now we shall be here in 'Parents of Adult Children' gulp

Our DS/DD may continue down various pathways ( employment, apprenticeships, higher ed). Experience is that everyone is welcomed wherever, whatever their child is doing we have some in work, gap years , apprenticeships etc too. Lots of contributors with different experiences and always sympathy and advice to be had.
Previous thread :

www.mumsnet.com/talk/parents_of_adult_children/4880640-thread-48-covid-gcse-cohort-summer-before-year-2-uni?latest=1

@craggyrat halleluiah on getting the results at last!! 😂

Well done to DS on his erg race and good luck for this weekend. DS was meant to be rowing at Henley this Saturday but the Thames has been on red boards for ages now with all the rain and the banks are water logged so it's been cancelled sadly. he's rowing at Hampton next weekend so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that the river calms down before then!

Speaking of red kites they are very common round here, we have at least 24 in our village which regularly just circle overhead on the thermals and often swoop down to grab things, but I never get bored of seeing them, they are beautiful. Sadly, they're getting to be a bit of a pest in these parts though as people feed them and now they've turned into the seagull equivalent as they swoop down and snatch food out of peoples hands.

@JustHereWithMyPumpkin - shame about Henley. That sounds exciting! Hope the river calms down for him. DS doing rowing tonight in aid of college giving day - men's relay on machines of 3x1800m.

@craggyrat it's the non exciting Henley I'm afraid, just a small boats timed head, he's not good enough for the summer regatta 😀, although a couple of the seniors and his coaches all rowed in the regatta last summer. Is your DS fund raising for tonight then?

@JustHereWithMyPumpkin yes I think the women's team did it last night and the men's team are doing it tonight. Henley still sounds exciting to me!

Good on him! Good to use your sport to help others.

Henley is a nice spot but no river bank is exciting when your standing on it for 4 hours in November! 😂

Well done to mini @craggyrat! Can't believe it has been so long. How are you feeling now?

DS is coming home tomorrow for the first time so really looking forward to that although I think he has plans for some of the weekend but we will get to see him a bit at least. Things seem to be going ok but we've been there before so am looking forward to talking to him properly face to face.

@286NeuerNahhhhhhhhmen how lovely to get to see your DS.

Have been very tired and a bit off this week but hopefully sde effects will start to go off soon.

@craggyrat I hope you're taking it easy and looking after yourself. Fingers crossed you're feeling better soon.

Thanks @286NeuerNahhhhhhhhmen - yes definitely taking it easier. Hopefully on the up and up from now on! Back to work in a couple of weeks

Sorry not to have posted recently. The last three weeks have been completely taken up with trying to deal with the issues around DS's UCAS withdrawal.
Safe to say, it's been very stressful and a sad life lesson for DS, and his MH has definitely suffered.
I can't go into much detail here, as investigations are ongoing, but it'd we've learned one thing from this it's to talk to our YP about how subtle coercive controlling behaviour can be, and that it's not just from boys to girls, or older to younger people - the power imbalance is not always immediately obvious.

DD was home for a few days last week for reading week. She seems to be thriving, although she's still waiting for DSA to organize mentors and study support equipment training. (Ongoing from year 1!!)

She's got caught up in the perceived panic to organise a house share for third year.
Can anyone give a ballpark figure of how much per person per month bills might be in a 7 person house?
The house she's looking at is £120 per week, plus £51 per person per month for gas and electricity only - supposedly, the landlords cover tv license, water rate, wifi and contents insurance. That seems high to me, ie I'd expect £51 to cover everything, so I suspect the landlords are giving the impression of being generous, when they're not.

Reading all but not had time to post. Best of luck to all seeking housing for following year. Really enjoying those in retake II phase, that it's working out for them.

Craggy, Y1 results better late than never, good to hear your boy is thriving both academically and in the water (albeit a different water to what we've been used to in the past :) And enjoy the remaining weeks of being off as your health starts to improve.

Piccolo, I cannot imagine how stressful things are for you all, hope your boy is hanging in there; what he's been through sounds just horrific and ability to trust must be blown to bits.

All good here, though DD's next year abroad a little up in the air now with all students who were in Beirut and Jerusalem returning a few weeks ago. Their year is academic continued study vs work placements. What will be will be, and should get finalised in December, subject to country FCO status.

@Alsoplayspiccolo - sounds incredibly stressful for you and your DS

@ealingwestmum - hope the year abroad gets sorted for your DD

@Alsoplayspiccolo
DS pays £100 per month for bills in a 4 bed house. Includes gas, elec, water and wifi. The gas/elec is not unlimited but based on an estimate. His house uses fused. I’m sure it’s more expensive but it’s what his housemates arranged and at least you’re only responsible for your personal portion of it.

@Alsoplayspiccolo
I'm sorry to rub salt into the wounds piccolo but are you saying that ds is now withdrawing, ie it all hasn't been resolved? I'm so sorry, I was hoping it would eventually get resolved.

I can’t imagine how stressful it must be for him (& you). Poor lad.

The applications have been reinstated, thankfully, and he has his first audition next week.
However, it's come to light that the UCAS issue isn't the only online tampering that has gone on - every part of DS's online life has been intercepted and interfered with over the last 6 months.
Outside agencies are now involved, including the NSPCC and the police. Poor DS has had to deal with his whole private life being examined and the whole situation has hit him very hard.
Thankfully, the school have responded fantastically and support is being put in place, and he has a lot of people making sure he's ok.

Oh @Alsoplayspiccolo that sounds so horrific for him. I hope you are all coping OK?

There was a long running thread recently about a young lad that was being coercively controlled by their girlfriend. It is a terrible situation and I agree we need to talk about it more. It can be any sex , any power imbalance etc. I'm currently trying to convince my daughter what is accepted as 'good' vs 'bad' in a relationship. Sometimes it seems like she was brainwashed. She also seems to have had some kind of trauma bond so watch out for that. Despite everything else in her life going great she is terribly sad because she is not with unsuitable / controlling guy anymore.

My Ds has suffered from this in the past too. One of his ex’s was extremely controlling. Thankfully he recognised what was happening & sought counselling at college. When they broke up she continued and also tried to get us involved too.

@Alsoplayspiccolo Your poor DS. The intrusions must be hard when at that age all they crave is privacy and growing independence. So pleased he has auditions lined up that will give him a focus on a better future.

Fucking hell piccolo. @Alsoplayspiccolo
I am so very sorry. The more you tell us, the worse it gets.

@Alsoplayspiccolo That sounds awful. I'm really sorry that you're going through this.

All well here, DD producing a lot of art. Watched the first half of the BBC/RSC Hamlet with David Tennant this evening with DW and DS, and it's a corking production.

I'm really sorry to hear that Also, it sounds like an absolute nightmare, for you too. I hope you're holding up ok

I'm so sorry @Alsoplayspiccolo

Hi everyone, been reading but not able to post for a while. Echo everyone's sympathies @Alsoplayspiccolo - your poor DS, betrayal is so very hard to deal with and the embarrassment of having his whole online life scrutinised - very few would want that! Feel for you and we are all here for any venting or support needed.

We had a whistle-stop tour from our DS whose reading week coincided with a few days' getaway my DH and I had planned, so DS had the house to himself for a few days but preferred that to staying in his Notts house in his own. He also appreciated the benefits of cooking in a clean kitchen! His Notts house has seven boys in it - I need say no more. We got to see him for a couple of days though which was lovely, then he headed off to see the gf.

His house is starting to talk about next year's accommodation since it's clear that some of the seven will be doing different things so current house not suitable and also not great. A couple will be on year abroads, a couple have stronger friendship groups outside of the house so will change housemates. So DS is trying to get a meeting together to find out who is up for finding a new place. Trouble is year abroads are competitive and the boys won't find out till January if they have a place so don't know whether to throw their hat into accommodation right now or risk having to find a place with other people ("strangers!") after the ones who know that they will be there are sorted. My DS will be around and would like to get things organised but seems it's an uphill battle. He seems happy and working away at his essays so touch wood all on an even keel right now.

Have a good weekend everyone! I am going to be in London today and hoping not to cross the path of any marches.

@Alsoplayspiccolo your poor DS. It sounds horrific.