Thread 48- Covid GCSE Cohort - Summer before Year 2 Uni

[Oblomov23]

Summer ending. Year 2 for many at Uni about to start.

This is a support thread for our young adults post GCSEs 2020, regardless of their educational setting, and their results ( or life updates for those who went into work or have had results earlier). It is respectfully requested that all are supportive and helpful to each other. If you want to start a debate, e.g state vs private, uni vs employment please don't within this thread.

Some of us have been here since first thread back in yr10, some will be new. Everyone has been friendly and helpful in the past. Everyone is welcome. It is hoped this will continue. We were previously on the secondary board and then further education, now we shall be here in 'Parents of Adult Children' gulp

Our DS/DD may continue down various pathways ( employment, apprenticeships, higher ed). Experience is that everyone is welcomed wherever, whatever their child is doing we have some in work, gap years , apprenticeships etc too. Lots of contributors with different experiences and always sympathy and advice to be had.
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We have him and are home. Thanks for hugs. Will update later.

Just catching up.
Sending you and your boy lots of love, Piggy.
What a horrible, stressful time for you all.
You can’t be too careful where teenage boys are concerned - I used to teach at a famous international college and one of the boys there threw himself off the cliff one night, after some kind of falling out at a social. Teen boys can be prone to acting immediately.

I hope DS can find the support he needs.

Oh my goodness @Piggywaspushed. so glad you have him safely at home. Thinking of you

Oh my goodness @Piggywaspushed , what an awful night for you all. I’m glad DS is with you now, sending you all hugs x

Sending BIG hugs to you @Piggywaspushed and your DS. So glad you have him home. The fact you went straightaway to get him will make him feel so nurtured and loved. Sounds like the housemates have had a huge wake up call re their thoughtless comments.

Piggy I hope he is ok. Be grateful that he rang you (and you heard the phone) and had friends looking out for him x

Sorry he is having to go through this, must be so worrying for you all. Sounds like your family reacted perfectly to an awful situation, well done DS1. Glad he is with you now.

Sorry you and ds are having a tough time @Piggywaspushed . Glad you've got him home and can hopefully sort things out.

Just finished talking to him. Basically it sounds like he is being mocked and bullied by a bunch of rather archetypal public school boys (sorry - I know they are not all like this) who find him a bit of a misfit. It seems that this has been a thing since about April when he started feeling like the butt of their banter and snide comments. It's a problem that accommodation has to get sorted so soon, isn't it. I wish he had said in April though and we would have pulled him out of the house.

He is taking their comments to heart - he thinks now he is weird and irritating and useless. He is a bit immature/naive compared to others (apparently gets drunk and embarrassing more quickly than them; also apparently they all smoke weed and he doesn't although he says they aren't bothered by this) but I am not just looking through mum's eyes to say he is a kind, diligent, caring young man - perhaps a rarer find these days, sadly. The things he overheard them saying were very unpleasant.

They just don't sound like very nice people. And I think he is a bit of a hanger on because he hasn't got other friends, I guess maybe in part because of his change of course. But he does do stuff like football, music etc. He does have a history of this - a football coach once used to mock him, and some girls (our NDNs!) bullied him on the bus. But he thought people stopped being cruel and cliquey at university. I guess he isn't as resilient as I thought.

Oh, @Piggywaspushed, I'm really sorry for your poor lad (and for you). In similar but not as severe circumstances, my DD found that sending a "fuck you!" message was very cathartic. Which I wouldn't have expected from her (the mildest person ever). But if he's still living with them... hmm. Thank goodness he's home, and opening up to you about his problems.

That sounds so awful for your poor DS, who sounds like a lovely boy. Is there any way of getting out of the house contract? Am glad he's home with you. They sound v unpleasant people.

Oh Piggy I am absolutely raging reading that, you must be beside yourself. Your poor DS.

Will he be ok to go back? Not to that house, but can he stay home and study remotely for a bit until he has sorted somewhere else to live? The uni accommodation office must surely help with this. Maybe halls would be good as a new start, lots of people around, freshers who might appreciate having someone older and wiser around. Or maybe living with postgrads who will hopefully have outgrown this kind of behaviour. He will find his people, like you say it's always a bit of a lottery when they have to make decisions about houses so early in Y1.

Please remind him that it's the clever, hardworking "misfits" who run the world. Unfortunately they do have to share it with some absolute twats.

Piggy that is horrible, home needs to be a safe space. Is it an option to go back into halls if he can find someone to take his room? Alcohol obviously intensifies everything, so nasty comments become nastier and judgement becomes poorer. Yes, lots of people end up in dysfunctional households, it is sad.

We mentioned the halls thing and not to worry about any hassle. I think that is not something he wants to do at present (since apparently they will all find him weird too...) but it's in the back of our minds.

His football team are nice, and his band and he plans to get involved in journalism. I told him to try and go for a coffee with some people from his course that seem nice.

Please remind him that it's the clever, hardworking "misfits" who run the world. Unfortunately they do have to share it with some absolute twats.

That did make me laugh.

I’m glad you’ve got him home safe @Piggywaspushed Would he consider switching to a local uni for a totally fresh start? Or taking a year out?

Coincidentally a colleague’s dc at Brum is also thinking of taking a break…

Unfortunately (?) all the top unis will have a disproportionate percentage of privately educated students. Obviously they are not all horrible people but do in general seem to have an over abundance of confidence that can be very intimidating for others.

Oh bless him, it's really really not him, it's all them. Most young people would appreciate and celebrate him for all his qualities, not pick on him because he's not exactly the same as them. He just needs to find the open-minded ones who are comfortable allowing their friends to be who they are.

(Sweeping generalisation alert but I do think musicians are a particularly inclusive tribe so that's good - maybe there are other groups / clubs he could join to meet likely friendly people - is there a sociology society for fellow sociology fans? People he can set the world to rights with who just think he's brilliant? Politics? Theatre?)

We really only have one local.uni and its bottom of league tables, and doesn't do history . The other relatively local uni is Cambridge!

@Piggywaspushed I know it's probably not even on your radar, but if Cambridge is local, then so is Anglia Ruskin. But then again, it's low or mid-ranked for most things with a few odd exceptions (like the art school).... Thanks for the updates.

Yes, tbh, Cambridge isn't commutable so nor is ARU.

Will see what tomorrow brings.

Ah, got you. Hope you all manage to have a nice evening!

I'm so glad you got him home @Piggywaspushed . Last night brought back a lot of emotions from last autumn 😢 Keep him close 🌺

Sorry @Piggywaspushed I’ve only just caught up with this thread. Your poor ds 😢 It’s a real downside of having to look at houses so soon. He will find new friends. Can he countenance the idea of going back and living there, but just accepting that his housemates aren’t his friends? I know that would be really hard. I don’t really know who would deal with this, despite working at Birmingham uni, but the welfare team must be the first port of call?

Please encourage him to seek out people who are more like him, on his course or in the music societies. He needs to try socialising with those people if possible. There’s a whole range of different types at every uni. How did he end up becoming friends with these housemates?

Meal plan really. They all went for dinner together . One of them supports the same football team.

At the moment, he seems to think he will go back and just keep his distance. I had a similar experience of overhearing stuff in first year. It's horrific but I found better people.

People never outgrow stuff. I'm sure lots of us have experienced workplace bullying too.

Yes there are bullies everywhere. Ds is being mocked for his faith by a (trans) women in her 30s at his part time job (Tesco). Fortunately he’s not too bothered but it’s unpleasant and childish of her.

I hope your ds can find the courage to return and focus on other people. People often make new friends in second and third year, it’s not like school in that respect.