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Parents of adult children

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All parents are toxic narcissists apparently and all adult children have experienced trauma …

226 replies

ElspethBulgeworthythethird · 25/08/2023 09:40

Is anyone else a bit cheesed off with the on-line rhetoric that teens and young adults seem to be plugged in to nowadays…? That somehow everyone is a victim?

That every parent is toxic or a narcissist and every woman over fifty is a “Karen”?

That everyone is suffering from trauma or needs to “heal their inner child”

Oh and then there are all the “special” on-line morning routines that involve, er, getting up, washing, eating your breakfast and maybe exercising; all of which I thought were just standard things that most people did every day without much fuss.

I don’t mean to sound horrible or unsympathetic. Of course there are some young men and women who have suffered truly awful upbringings and serious abuse which has traumatised them terribly. I am not addressing them in this post as of course they need proper support.

This post is about the comfortable young adults I know (my adult children and teens and their friends) who seem to buy in to the rhetoric of victimhood when I happen to know that they have loving parents and come from good homes where their parents willingly made lots of sacrifices for them.

Don’t get me wrong, I happen to think that the period of life between leaving university and getting your first job is one of the most challenging you experience as a young adult; when the struggle finding a job and a flat and new friends and standing on your own feet financially is suddenly very real all at once.

It’s just the culture of this generation that seems to make everyone in to a victim that I object to? Somehow everyone is “special” and “in need of healing” and I get labelled toxic if I say to my young adults that although you are special to me, we are just a very ordinary family, and life is about getting on with things and working hard and not blaming everyone else when you don’t put in enough effort and commitment yourself.

OP posts:
Writingonthewalls · 19/03/2025 10:31

Friartruckster · 19/03/2025 09:49

Was going to start my own thread but saw this and perhaps valid to add to the conversation.

I am estranged from my adult daughter. She hasn’t spoken to me in 6 years because I am toxic to have in her life. Will walk past me in the street. She recently contacted me asking for a significant amount of money she believed she is entitled to. She has no entitlement to any money. I did give a significant amount of money to them just not what she expected/wanted. Has now stated ‘you won’t see me again.’ Except I do because she parks round the corner from me and then walks the same route to work as my route to work, and at the same time.

I wish her every success and see she is living her best life. She is very successful in work and her relationships. The girl done good. I am proud of her.

However, I am mindful of the black eye I received during one of her more explosive outbursts. The ache where a cracked rib hasn’t healed properly as a consequence of being pushed and landing on the edge of a radiator. The house smashed up and the police called as a last resort to shock her into stopping.

Any discussion about her needs, perhaps ND, were rejected in her case because she was ‘a good girl in school’. It was at home the behaviours were apparent. It must be a fault in the home. I feel accountable for not being more proactive and assertive in seeking assistance.

My adult DD is estranged from me because she believes I am toxic. I believe we estranged because I couldn’t access the support we needed as a family. Dad is faultless.

My adult has said I won’t see her again yet she persists in keeping a schedule that means we are likely to see each other.

Why on earth would you give her money when she treats you like this?

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