coping with empty nest syndrome, menopause with absent husband

[longpathtohappiness]

I feel totally on my own a lot of the time. DH is here but either at work, talking about work or sleeping!

I struggle to cope with it all sometimes and feel totally on my own

Much to my shame, i have to admit that's usually what we do, dh looks at where to do and nice places to visit and i book it all. He does contribute but as I'm better with money i do that side of it.
This has helped me to see he does do stuff, we both play to our strengths i guess. I'm ultra organised and like to be in control, then i moan I'm in control and fo too much.

I need to be more laid back but I've been like this for over 50 years and i can't change now. But i realise it would do me good if i tried.

It’s not easy to change the habit of a lifetime, esp as you’re playing to your respective strengths as you say. I just feel mentally drained after full time work which involves managing a service so don’t have the energy that I used to do - I’d like to say I’ve grown as a person, identified areas for improvement and learned to step back but actually, I’m just too tired to care. That and my anti-anxiety meds!

Yes, you can have that ranty moan. I sympathise with every single word of it. And would offer you the legendary unMN-ty hug but understand if you want to hiss at anyone trying to touch you!

Treading water just about sums it all up right now. Even DH who never whinges about anything said he feels life is on hold this year.

That reminds me of DH 'organising' a date for us once. He emailed me from his home office one whole floor away: Fancy going to the cinema on Friday? I said, 'Yes' and he replied, 'Great - can you book some tickets and sort a babysitter then?' I emailed back, 'You do it.' I honestly thought he was worried his willy would drop off when he rang around my babysitting circle to see who was free And he so wanted a Badge of Honour for being a Most Excellent Husband for this single act of sorting childcare and was squirming with irritation that I wouldn't give him one because he'd only once done what I did all the time.

😂😂

just checking in - how is everyone doing?

Some drama with DD at home- that's constant- but I took myself off to see Swan Lake at the Albert Hall yesterday as I got a £150 seat for £15 through a seat filler. Never been able to see it before as always too expensive.

Going everywhere alone has its benefits.
It was so beautiful it brought tears to my eyes. Helping me ignore DDs drams today.

Oh wow! That sounds amazing! Do you mind explaining how to do the seat filler thing?

I certainly will but pl give me till end of day! I felt very lucky.

That sounds a real treat sering swan lake, especially at such a great price.

Lentilweaver please share how seat filler works! Sounds great

Google showfilmfirst.info - not just films, also covers theatres, music, comedy etc too

Unfortunately the site refuses to accept my date of birth

Oh that’s odd - I wonder why?

For @Writingonthewalls and anyone in London who is interested, I have been using this seatfiller site for the past year or two. I am now a premium member and get a lot of good deals. All Show Listings | London | Central Tickets. I decided when the kids started drifting away that this was my time to explore the world of theatre and dance. I am not minted; I spend about £50 to 75 a month on the theatre, but I rarely spend on clothes or beauty stuff, and we don't even have a car! (

Warning: there's a lot of junk as well. I have set up a separate email account for the mails.

Other tips: I usually go alone, as I get far better seats. Nobody else seems to want to go alone, so I get all the unsold tickets! For Swan Lake, I got offered this £15 ticket on the day of the event, in the third row from the stage, which are usually over £100. I am in London Zone 3, so can usually make it in time for any events even on the day.

I have also managed to see lots of great stuff at only £15:
Guys and Dolls at the Bridge Theatre ( really fantastic; I highly recommend the immersive seats if you can stand for 2 hours)
Vivaldi 4 seasons performances at Southbank and elsewhere by various orchestras
NYC ballet at Sadler's Wells
Various comedy gigs ( DH likes those so I go along)
Various off West End plays, which were quite good value.
Lots of talks on everything from Van Gogh to the Tudors.

I am sure there must be other seatfiller sites. I also sometimes go to the Last Minute theatre booth in Leicester square and get whatever single tickets are going.

I met a lady next to me who was also alone at Swan Lake. She too has spent a lifetime taking care of everyone else, and she now spends her limited budget on theatre and music tickets. She had been to everything playing and gave me lots of tips on what to see!

Thanks @Lentilweaver. Definitely something to look at. I've got tickets to see Tim Peake talk about his time on the international space station later this year and am really looking forward to that.

Thanks so much!

Husband is irrating me. My patience with all the afternoon naps has run out. I actively plan spending as much time away from him as possible.

I honestly don't know how I'm going to cope with the years ahead. I'm only 53 and had enough of him.

Divorce him.

Yep, I'd get shot of him as well.

On another note, you know the saying you're only as happy as your least happy kid? Its so true. Ds split with a long term gf recently and I'm just feeling so sad for him. He's at the age his pals are moving away and going abroad to work and she was the constant in his life for years. Now she's not and im finding it so painful for him. It wasn't entirely his choice. And he's got so much going in with studying and new job further away starting soon, he really didn't need this just now. Its just shit. I dont feel i can really do anything to help either except be there if he wants to talk.

Being a mum is hard.

I went through this with my daughter recently. She was distraught, and it took so much out of me supporting her. I feel for you. Their pain and sadness is so hard to cope with sometimes.

ssd
Writingonthewalls

I'm pretty sure is the menopause making me feel this way!!

I can swing from finding him a older Brad Pitt to Big Daddy (showing my age now!!)

@longpathtohappiness , as long as you're ok. @Writingonthewalls , it is hard as you said. And im kind of flabbergasted at it all.

Ahh that’s really tough @ssd - it’s so hard when they grow up and have to face these really tough things on their own. As a mum you just want to make it better for them and protect them from the pain but we just can’t - all we can do is support them and let them know we’re always there for them, but my goodness, it’s hard watching them go through it.