Thread 47- Covid GCSE Cohort - Summer's running away from us!

[OrangeCinnamonLatte]

...it will be Christmas before we know it.

This is a support thread for our young adults post GCSEs 2020, regardless of their educational setting, and their results ( or life updates for those who went into work or have had results earlier). It is respectfully requested that all are supportive and helpful to each other. If you want to start a debate, e.g state vs private, uni vs employment please don't within this thread.

Some of us have been here since first thread back in yr10, some will be new. Everyone has been friendly and helpful in the past. Everyone is welcome. It is hoped this will continue. We were previously on the secondary board and then further education, now we shall be here in 'Parents of Adult Children' gulp

Our DS/DD may continue down various pathways ( employment, apprenticeships, higher ed). Experience is that everyone is welcomed wherever, whatever their child is doing we have some in work, gap years , apprenticeships etc too. Lots of contributors with different experiences and always sympathy and advice to be had.
Previous thread https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/parents_of_adult_children/4792342-thread-46-gcse-covid-cohort-searching-for-summer-solstice

@coffeeandbiscuittime Why-aye! Howay your lass.

Congratulations @coffeeandbiscuittime!

Huge congratulations to @mummyinbeds @Cantonet @singingstones @Monkey2001 @coffeeandbiscuittime and anyone else I've missed, so lovely to hear good news.

Thank you all so much for your support. I do have good news too, DD graduated this summer which was lovely 😊

Congratulations to all the A levellers and to@singingstones DD for her AS’s ⭐️
So sorry to read your update @Volterra 💐Things have been really crazy at my end with the ‘usual stuff’- not to mention the ‘approaching elves’ season 🥶- we must have a catch up!

@Volterra - just seen your update. Huge congratulations to your fabulous DD! ⭐️

Congrats to your DD @Volterra ! 🎓

So pleased to hear so many great results. Special kudos to the aspiring and persistent medics/vets where the process seems especially tough.

I dropped DS at school this morning as he is working at a sports camp there so we saw all the A level students milling around. Most were smiling widely. Brought back all the emotions.

@Volterra Congratulations. Maybe your DS will find his new tribe and that will motivate him to get out more.

Congratulations to all who got results today, especially @Monkey2001 ds

Congratulations to all dc re A'level results.
So sorry to hear that @Volterra. Are you on any MN threads that are supportive?

We have arrived at our first destination (Rome). So pleased to hear of so many places gained today.

@Volterra I'm sorry things are so hard at the moment, I have other friends in the same boat with gender-questioning neurodivergent DCs, it is a lot to cope with, sending you strength.

Well done to your dd @Volterra ! If I remember right, she’s also had some struggles over the years, so this is an amazing milestone.

@crazycrofter yes she has struggled a fair bit at times and I am really proud of her. She got a 2.1 which given she has 4 GCSE’s I think is brilliant and a testament to her perseverance.

@Oblomov23 I’m not on any threads and to be honest try to bury my head in the sand and pretend it isn’t happening for the most part as after losing several people last year I don’t feel I can cope with much stress. It’s working and I actually feel quite happy most of the time but no doubt it will catch up with me. Our move has been a positive one for me which helps a lot. I’m really glad we did it, feel bedded in here and very much a sense of being home and very lucky to have bought a lovely house.

@EversoDetermined I think it is pretty common. The psychologist said they feel they don’t fit in and put it down to being gender. DS rejects that idea strongly.

@Volterra I have also noticed neurodivergent young people seizing on gender as a reason for feeling different, but we all know that teenagers know everything. All you can do is gently try to stop them from doing anything irreversible,

@Monkey2001 I am so tempted to print that and stick it on the fridge 😂

Yes, I certainty thought I knew everything at that age and now cringe a bit as I am still learning.

I wouldn't dare put that on the fridge as ds is already sure that's what he's doing once he's 18! He's been desperate to be independent for 2 or 3 years and I want to hold on to him for a bit longer...

@Volterra we have a family member who's been confused about gender for a long time, but in the last couple of years they've realised they're autistic. It does seem to be a common connection. Modern life is really hard for neurodivergents; it seems to me that they struggle even more than they used to - maybe because of the more complex social/communication demands of the internet and social media? I think you're wise to disconnect a bit as it might take your ds a long time to get there, but if he's engaging with therapy then he's on the right path. All you can do is be there in the background to support. Glad the move has been a success!

@Volterra in our case the gender issue was associated with depression & anxiety which appeared over the Covid Lockdowns. Once this was treated with Antidepressants ( as counselling just didn't help at all) he recovered. There was also a surprise ADHD diagnosis. Well to me! Other people who knew him weren't surprised 😀 The difficult thing is accessing treatment is really hard, unless you're prepared to pay privately. And even the private clinics are overwhelmed.

I haven't been keeping up with this thread. It won't save, even after commenting, so I have to go onto the previous these and tap "new thread" then it takes me to the beginning again. All other threads are saved 🤷‍♀️

I've briefly read through parts of the thread to catch up. I hope those taking A levels have done ok. I can see on Facebook that grades are lower, but many seem to still have their firms.

We've been away for a week to Derbyshire. I've never been before. What a lovely part of the country. Ds2 stayed home as he's still working his summer job, so he looked after the dogs, walked them before and after work. He said he quite enjoyed it. He had a few mates round a few nights too.

We took ds3 on holiday, he brought a friend this year, he's always been awful on holiday, walking about staring at the ground refusing to speak or join in. So we thought a friend would be a great idea. Nope. The first 24 hours was good, they played games, chatted in the bedroom till late, then, starting our first full day Ds didn't speak to the friend for almost the rest of the holiday, it was so embarrassing. He just sat with his head down and shrugged when spoken to. It really was awful. The only time he spoke was to criticise if one of us said sometime he thought was wrong 🤦‍♀️ So dh says we aren't taking ds3 on holiday ever again. But he's said that the past 4 holidays.

We still did our best to enjoy the holiday. I feel like there's nothing to look forward to now the holiday is over.

Ds2 is already paying rent on his year 2 house. One of the girls picked her keys up last week. But the others aren't moving in yet. I feel a bit worried we haven't been in to check it all. But Ds can't get time off work to go down. He might not go down until 1st October. Ds wanted them to sort and pay for bills themselves. But the girls all refused. They all wanted to sign up to bills via uni homes. Ds was outvoted. It is £24 each a week. That seems such a lot. £6,250 for the year altogether with 5 of them. Ds got a quote from utility warehouse, it was much less, that would have been everything apart from water. But there wasn't much ds could do. So I'm going to pay that for him. His loan covers rent and leaves £60 month towards food. He doesn't want any more money from me, he says he will use his wages. The offer of more is there if he wants it.

@icanbewhatiwant Sorry to hear about the holiday problems, but Derbyshire is lovely.

DD has started paying rent (in advance) and we're trying to work out when we can transport her stuff before the start of term, which might be a bit tricky. In the meantime, she's been taking her sketchbook out and around Tübingen.

@icanbewhatiwant dd is paying £23.50/week for bills so I think that's about right.

@NCTDN thanks, yes I know it is roughly the charge uni homes makes. But it seems such a lot for a 3 bed house. I did my calculations wrong above as I was thinking it was 5 sharing. But it's 4 sharing. So £5k a year. It won't cost that for bills for a 3 bed. But they will get peace of mind knowing everything is paid. Ds1 put £40 a month into a shared account for bills for their house. They had money left over after the 2 years. I know bills have gone up since.

@icanbewhatiwant we were told to budget on the basis of £20 a week so I don’t think that’s too bad if it’s a fixed price and brings peace of mind? I think DD’s house are just going direct with the suppliers which I guess means they’ll have big bills over winter.

Well done to all the A level successes, apologies for lack of namechecking.

@icanbewhatiwant DS is paying £100 per month to Huddle. There are four of them sharing the house. It is not unlimited though but hopefully will cover it. He left others to sort it and went along with.

@Volterra i’ve just caught up on all your updates. Sorry to hear that things are not going so well for DS. There is a strong link between neurodivergence and gender identity issues. It’s a lot for him to get his head around and for you as mum. I don’t think burying your head and ignoring it as a coping method is necessarily a bad thing. I find it tends to work quite well myself. Good luck to you. And well done to your DD of course!

DS1 was paying very little for bills in St Andrews, think it was £27/month. Hoping to keep it to £60/month each for 2 in a flat this year. £20 for internet, £100 for electricity between them. They don't have gas and are both happy to wear jumpers before turning the heating on.

Huge congratulations to all the exam DCs - excellent results all round and some exciting new beginnings on the horizon.

I definitely need to pin that to the fridge/ bathroom mirror…
Thanks for all the support about DD’s behaviour and attitude. We sat her down and made her listen to some plain speaking, ie our house, our rules, and if she doesn’t feel that’s something she can go along with, she has the choice to go to her uni house.
What really seemed to make an impact was asking her how SHE was showing us love/caring, as her argument is always that we clearly don’t care whether she lives here or not; if she feels she’d rather live elsewhere than show us basic respect, clean up after herself etc, what does that tell us about how she feels about us?
Like a lot of teenagers, I don’t think it had even occurred to her that this is a 2 way relationship and not just her taking and us giving.