Thread 39 - Covid Cohort - Our Adult Children Now Post 18

[CinnamonOrangeCremeBrulee]

This is a support thread for our young adults post GCSEs 2020, regardless of their educational setting, and their results ( or life updates for those who went into work or have had results earlier). It is respectfully requested that all are supportive and helpful to each other. If you want to start a debate, e.g state vs private, uni vs employment please don't within this thread.

Some of us have been here since first thread back in yr10, some will be new. Everyone has been friendly and helpful in the past. Everyone is welcome. It is hoped this will continue. We were previously on the secondary board and then further education, now we shall be here in 'Parents of Adult Children' gulp

Our DS/DD may continue down various pathways ( employment, apprenticeships, higher ed). Be warned there might be lots of 'Uni Freshers' chat this time of year. My experience is that everyone is welcomed wherever, whatever their child is doing we have some in work, gap years , apprenticeships etc too. Lots of contributors with different experiences and always sympathy and support to be had !

Finally found you all, sounds like everyone is in full swing with their DC leaving.
@PhotoDad ive been telling my DS he will get home sick, mostly for the dog, but it will happen. We spent today in Sainsburys as I couldn’t face IKEA-which would take us a few hours to get to. I had a bit of a wobble about DS leaving, it feels like you are losing them, but I know it is what is supposed to happen, it just seems to have happened very fast. He goes into his halls on the 17th.
@Monkey2001 i can’t see but has your DS gone down the gap year route? Has he done the UCAT test again?

@sazzy5 yes, he is doing gap year, has started his 3 day/week job as an assistant respiratory physiologist and loves it. Did UCAT today and got a really good score, applying to Sheffield, Newcastle, Leicester and UEA, and can be confident of 4 interviews. So he just has to get better at interviews, but the job is already helping that and I really hope interviews will be F2F this year. So no empty nest for me just yet.

@PhotoDad as others have said it is very common . Some have a wobble staright away, others after a few weeks when they are tired as often haven’t been sleeping and eating well, others have it after they go back after Christmas.

DS boarded weekly during 6th form and really really struggled with being away from home at first. I remember saying I thought it was time to say he had given it a try, it wasn’t for him and go locally. He agreed, then cried and then decided to go back as he really liked the place. He got through it, took until arithmetic half term. It was a very difficult time for us all but it passed.

He’s off on 25th and hasn’t said much about it. I think he knows it will feel weird and difficult at first but he knows he can get through it, We used to watch things at the same time as him whilst he was on a call so it felt there was that connection with home. Gradually he felt he didn’t need that and it got to the stage where we didn’t hear from him all week unless there was something he needed to tell us and that was fine as it meant he was OK.

@Monkey2001 glad he’s got such a good UCAT, he will be totally ready for interviews this time. He was on the wait list anyway so must be fine. Grades in hand are also better. DS2 is showing an interest in medicine but we will see, he’s only done a week of his A levels so far.

That’s a great set of swapped attributes between you both Zebra, a lovely way to spend the day.

Photodad, they keep it together for so long but need that outlet to release. I got so many calls when DD was inter railing and yet to the group she seemed so together. It’ll get easier.

Great to have got the UCAT done with a strong score; he’s going to have a proper growth year in every way Monkey! And money to show for it!

Does anyone’s DC have a PASS ID? Are bouncers at nightclubs familiar with them? DD sits her driving test on Friday & when DS passed they took his provisional then & there. I’m worried about DD taking her passport on nights out!

I’m feeling exhausted this weekend. I’m trying to sort shopping / packing for both DS / DD (twins), have a big presentation for work on Tuesday to prepare for (work was crazy this week so couldn’t get it finished) & our dog has just been spayed & has diarrhoea from the painkillers - DH was cleaning the kitchen floor at 6:30 this morning! 🤮

There’s just too much been going on these last few weeks. Stop the world I want to get off! But then after 18 years of chaos it’s going to be so odd once they go & it’s quiet.

DD goes to Birmingham next weekend but DS leaves for Swansea the Friday after. We’re going to combine dropping him off with a weekend away by the sea. The dog should be recovered by then so I’m hoping a walk on the beach will be like a reset button…

@boxcar I get you! I have DD1 moving to London today after graduating this year, DD2 to uni next Saturday and I was back to work this week(primary school) with a new class and staff after a week in New York that was great but exhausting and should have gone earlier in the hols as we had the stress of clearing to deal with. Roll on October!

Gosh...not looked on here for a few days. Quite a few dc's gone already. I hope they settle in well. Thursday for Ds2. He asked me a while ago to watch stranger things with him. We are a bit behind everyone else as I'm sure most have watched it already. We have been making our way through it. I don't think we will finish it by weds eve. We are on series 4 though. He's told me I'm not allowed to finish watching until he's back home. So we need to finish before he goes.

@Benjispruce4 I’m in education too. And the last week of the holidays was crazy - DTs went to Reading then had their 18th on the Tuesday & a party on the Friday. I was behind in general because of having covid at the beginning of the holidays & then all the worry of results & looking at plan Bs if clearing was needed. Oh & we squeezed our silver wedding anniversary in, in the middle of all that.

Oh dear I have really outed myself here! Not too worried. I don’t post anything controversial!

@boxcar DS has a post office ID card that he has always used on night out. He has a provisional licence and passport (and yes, that would be one I would worry about, too if let loose on the streets) but the PO ID card seems have done the job well!

Not sure how the welcome week will work now. We are moving him still on the 17th but his main talks were all scheduled for the 19th. At my uni, we will also have to move a lot of stuff, but we are still not sure how and where to as campus space is tight.

@Benjispruce4 Very jealous of NY! Hope all goes well for your DD today.

Thanks @tryingmybest13 I’ll look at the PO card too then. The PASS card has a 48hr turn around (at extra cost…) which is a factor in this too.

If DD doesn’t pass this week I don’t know what will happen with her learning to drive. It might end up better to leave it & try again next summer but I worry she’ll be starting over after such a long gap. She does seem good enough to pass but you never know what will happen on the day. And then if she does pass will she be confident to drive at Xmas? She’s a worrier. I think she’ll be nervous at Xmas either way…

The PASS card sounds grand!

I really hope your DD passes - but I know what you mean about the confidence bit of actually driving. DS not at that stage yet ,as only just started a bit of driving. It is now something he will think about for next summer.

Gang: remind me, how much money do your dc have as weekly spends? We were planning to pay for accommodation and ds to have his grant as spends, but accommodation ended up being the most expensive option he put down and we're wondering if we've been a bit generous ;-) We've discussed him paying the difference already and he's happy with that, but just wondering if we're being mean! Iirc, £50-£100/pw (for non catered) was about average...?

@Isthisjustnormal ok but sure what you mean by grant ? Do you mean minim loan if £4600?

if you do that’s £100 per week across term time plus some extra (DD getting similar) …. If he’s self catered that will allow fun and food and bits and bobs but he can’t eat takeaways plus Nando’s and Wagas every evening and go clubbing every night.

We’re currently planning on giving DD £10 per day (I expect we’ll round it up and give her £310 per month - even in the shorter months). We’ve already paid her accommodation/fees. So this is for food/toiletries plus socialising.

@Isthisjustnormal we get min loan will get DD to send us the loan each term then we pay accommodation costs and she gets an allowance if £400 per four weeks from September to June then £400 for the whole 10weeks in the summer and she’ll work in the summer if she wants more …

D’oh, yeah, maintenance loan: I’m still on old language from my own uni days ;-)

We've been saving for DS since a baby so we can cover his accommodation. Then it is min loan for living which he is budgeting for over first semester. He will also look for a part time job.

DD also has £12500 in savings (plus whatever she earned this summer - she’s been working as a life guard). So she can choose to use her own money if she wants a more extravagant lifestyle. We’ll review at Christmas and see if her allowance needs adjusting.

My DD's driving lessons stalled (!) during lockdown when her instructor went on maternity leave and the waiting lists were too long everywhere... so we let it slip.

Another vote for the "topping up" approach to finances. DD is on minimum loan and we top it up to maximum loan. Outside London, that's a top up of around £5200 so we send her £100 per week over the whole year. Rent has to come from that combined sum, though.

Where she is, her first year rent is actually covered by the minimum loan but that's unusual and she managed to get the cheapest room in the entire uni (her decision).

Thanks to all for advice about homesickness, and good luck to the next wave of starters!

@boxcar I would get another driving licence for £20 so she has a spare, I am thinking about doing that for DS2 as he is very good at losing things! It will arrive by Friday. DS1 passed his test and didn't do much driving before going back to university, then I didn't indie him for Christmas holidays, so had been nearly a year when he came back at the end of the year. He drove part of the way home from St Andrews which was plenty of time to remember how to drive!

DS1 has £100/week. I think that is enough for supermarket shopping plus a couple of cheapish evenings out.

Both mine get minimum loan. That doesn't come anywhere near their accommodation so we pay that and they live off the loan. £87/week across 52 weeks, although can spend a bit more during term time as obviously they don't have to buy food etc over the holidays. We also pay phones, Netflix, glasses, contacts etc. DS has a part time job which boost his spending. Not expecting DD to get a job straight away - I think they need to find their feet and get into the swing of lectures etc alongside cooking, shopping, laundry etc

Also not sure how much DSs bills will be in his private rental this year, so will probably need to help with that too...

Well we’re off … hoping that estate car plus roofbox isn’t as ridiculous as turning up with an actual van 😬

I think my life is about to change forever! Who mentioned vacumn pack bags ? Whoever did...thank you. I've just packed a double duvet, two pillows, covers, bottom sheet, two scatter cushions and a towelling robe in one. I wish I'd taken a before photo.

Here is the after photo with dog for scale (greyhound not whippet).

Dd suddenly decided she was going to theme her bedroom girly pink😂I've been adding dark blue/blue bits to match what she already has if that makes sense (sheets, towels etc) so it is not the inevitable pink and grey teen room.

The pack was only 9.99 from B & M