Graduates returning to the nest, a new start for all!

[VanCleefArpels]

Carrying on from the 2019/20 Uni students thread let’s talk about what it’s like to have our fresh graduates home, for some of us invading our nice empty nest, for all of us creating a new household dynamic…….

@SpongeBobJudgeyPants I think you are right about having that extra year possibly being a positive out of the negative of your DD's current situation, @DrMadelineMaxwell . Really sorry to hear that she's got that extra stress hanging over her and that it's thrown her plans into disarray.

I would say final year wobbles are a definite thing, and perhaps more so with this past year being the first real opportunity for our young people to live the full university experience they missed out on in the first two years?

I think it's natural and possibly a good thing (for all it might not feel so for parents!) for our young people to want a bit of 'recalibration' time at home before taking the leap into adulthood.

DS in the course of the last week has graduated, got a job (not really a graduate one but he will be learning good skills, so all good), and is now sorting out a flat with his girlfriend. To me it feels very too full-on but good for him to have a bit of security and a more settled life for a while, hopefully.

All of DS's uni kit has arrived home now and is scattered around, with no obvious 'home' for most of it. Some will go to his new flat when they move in but that's not for another six weeks or so! It's going to drive me barmy in the meantime.

@Mangolist we have DD going into sixth form and I really don't think it would have worked having DS back here full-time (although that has never been voiced).

@bigTillyMint Ds in Brighton last weekend by any chance?

Luckily the two of them get on ok (now!) although i am quite sure there will be 'issues' along the way!!

@Benjispruce4 yes!

Re rent, DD pays a token rent (v cheap compared to London rents!) and DS will have to do the same when he gets a job!

@DrMadelineMaxwell oh your dd must be very upset to hear like that, did she not have any idea? I know from seeing your posts over the last 4 years or so that she's one of the conscientious hardworking ones! I hope she can find the motivation to do herself justice now.

Ds started his job yesterday! Slightly hampered by the fact that when his company were sending him kit (monitor, laptop, etc) they sent all the packages to his old address from his application, rather than his current address that is in the company HR records. Fortunately he noticed and managed to divert/request redelivery, which we had to hear all about while we were up for his graduation 🙄😁His office is only about ten minutes walk from his flat which is nice for him.

@atiaofthejulii phew great that your DS managed to redirect his work 'kit'. DS was saying he needs an extra monitor to do his job to maximum efficiency but looks as if he will have to fund it himself!

I wonder sometimes whether some young people can 'peak' too soon with their studies? Or just lose their va-va-voom if they realise that their research focus isn't what they'd hoped? DS definitely lost his mojo somewhat with his dissertation.

Thanks all for the kind messages. I think how poor the mark she was going to get came as a nasty surprise, but after considering her state of mind when submitting it she admitted it wasn't completely unexpected. Leaving it until just a few days before graduation to be told is poor IMO. She says you could submit a draft early on but then you were on your own...and she's too embarrassed and proud to teach out now for any support.

She is studious. And has had some amazing First level feedback from a lot of her assignments but the exams made her physically sick before each one and she clearly came apart for the dissertation too.

What is done is done and she is now working on her redraft. It's just pushing back the time she can properly apply for jobs as she doesnt know what grade she can possibly come out with and whether graduate programmes are now off limits or not.

I've read she can basically scrape a pass grade on a resubmission but the whole things seems v complicated in terms of weighting.

Sorry to hear your news @DrMadelineMaxwell

I have to say that I did think giving results only a week before graduation for dd meant if you needed to retake a subject then it was a bit late-not just things like gown, but we'd accommodation booked and things like that. However in previous years dd mentioned that a couple of people were told far earlier than results day that they needed to prepare for a retake, and I think that is fairer.

Does she know if it's no detriment or is she limited to the mark she can get on the dissertation now?
If she is limited, then it might be worth appealing for no detriment on mental health grounds. You may need evidence though.

Hope it hasn't knocked her too badly, and she's able to improve it without too much extra work.

@DrMadelineMaxwell, so, so sorry for you DD - the anxiety for exams/diss and then only being told just before graduation. Surely the diss tutor must have realised her work was well below her usual standard/off the mark and it should have rung alarm bells? Was her first submission good?
Remind me which uni? Was there any pastoral care, or would she have covered up her needs?

York. She's so independent that if she was struggling then sadly she would have kept it to herself.

Eek! DD2 hoping to go to York. I have heard the pastoral care is very good there. Such a shame for your DD. Hope it all works out.
Took DD1 shoppers yesterday for some suitable work clobber. Luckily it’s 50% wfh but after years either is student baggy jeans, clubbing outfits or fancy dress, she doesn’t have much that is suitable. It’s ‘smart casual’ at the office but until you see what thei company’s interpretation is, it’s a bit tricky.

@Benjispruce4, my DD got some stuff from Primarni as a starter, and as she’s only really been in 1day a week so far, hasn’t actually bought much more yet 🤣

Yes I’ve suggested a bit of Primarni. I ended up buying her some trousers in Next and she’s bought a dress and she’s borrowed a couple of my things for now as I’m not at work over the summer. She’s moaning about the cost but she didn’t think anything of spending lots on a weekend did she?
Grad photos arrived today. Larger than expected. 🤔

I’ve had that shopping trip too!! Primark good for trousers and tops (for a pretty casual public sector workplace 100% in office). DD had first payday today - student overdraft nearly covered 😉😂

@Benjispruce4, DSs photo is actually really lovely - I thought the photographer was great at his job, so well worth the money! Hope DDs is as nice (her photographer wasn’t quite as good as DSs!)

@VanCleefArpels, DD is public sector too 🤣

I would lend DD some of my clothes, but not much fits as she is 6” shorter than me - petite with a way bigger cup-size🤣

I'm impressed your DDs are receptive to a bit of Primarni. DD (16) has two sixth form options. The one she's keenest on (subject to good GCSE results) enforces a smart business dress code. I mentioned Primark as a potential source of a jacket/blazer and skirt or two (I got DS's sixth form suits there!) but was given very unreasonably I'd say short shrift! We exchanged some links and I was particularly unimpressed by the suggested £79 Superdry jumper to wear under a blazer. H&M have some decent stuff at roughly Primarni price points too. Got her a blazer, short skirt and blouse for just over £50 which didn't seem too bad -- and considerably cheaper than the Superdry/Brandy Melville/UO outfits she'd put together. I will be doing a Primarni recce on my own. I may just have to cut out the labels so she remains unaware!

I have DS2 who is doing his placement year at home now.

Placement is mostly wfh with occasional visit to office , it’s been a week and he’s very bored. Very slow start to the work, doesn’t know anyone & a once a week 15 min chat with line manager.

Not many of his school friends around to socialise with.

Hes going to try & move back to Uni town but worried about paying rent instead of saving.

this generation have been so negatively affected by covid.

DD is at least one size smaller than me but a couple of things are adjustable @bigTillyMint 😉
She can’t wait to start work as she’s quite bored at home as there’s not enough here for her. I doubt she’ll be able to save with London rents and prices. I think it’s something she has to do/experience at least in the short term.

Oh and her photo is lovely too.

Yes, London is quite a pull for the young ones - one I felt, as did DH, and luckily for our two we are still there! Although I’m sure they would far rather be living in their own places😃

@LouisCatorze, my DD has never been much of a label aficionado. Apart from trainers ofc and a foray into Brandy Melville when we were in NYC. She seems to prefer quantity over quality 😃

That's a sensible mantra @bigTillyMint . It shocks me that DD thinks it's acceptable to be spending £79 on an everyday type of jumper for school. I am not sure where she's got these delusions of wealth from. And yes, she's totally immersed in that Brandy Melville 'zone' at the moment (and her besties), so they often go out looking like triplets which totally dismays me. Whatever happened to having a bit of style individuality?

I know we are veering a little off the path but I loathe BM and everything it represents. One TINY size fits “all” except for those with a normal figure who will therefore feel like they are over sized. Terrible place

I agree @VanCleefArpels. plus £££ for a tiny scrap of fabric! But DD was keen at 16 🤣