Nasty & spiteful Daughter in law

[Ifonlyihadknown79]

Please tell me I'm not alone in disliking Dil!

It sounds very stressful OP.
Personally I'd go low contact with DS and GF it is none of their business if you support and visit the grandchildren.
He has made his decision his g.f is a smokescreen he abandoned his DC not her.
You're right he's not much of a man I'd wash my hands of him you done your job.
If DIL is a cock so is DS.
Continue to support DGC and EX GF.

OP I feel like you’re getting a tough time on here but I think that’s people your first post was all about the DIL rather than blaming your son just as much/if not more because no matter how awful she is he has allowed it so is therefore just as guilty.

Do you have any kind of relationship with his ex? Are you able to see the kids at all?

She sounds awful, but he doesn't sound great either and the whole situation sounds like a nightmare.

I hope there is some kind of resolution for the sake of you and the kids.

@Ifonlyihadknown79 - I would just let your DS know you'll be there for him if (probably when, but best not to say that) it goes goes wrong with his GF. Their relationship doesn't sound stable at all. Hopefully next time he'll be more sensible in his choice of a GF. I'd also try to establish some contact with your grandchildren, that doesn't rely on your son facilitating it.

You don't have a dil problem, you have ds problem - he chose her.

My ILs gaslighted me for years. I'm just not their type.

They haven't spoken to us for years because I disagreed with sil. DH took my "side", It was a real no deal discussion for normal people.

They don't like me because I'm not a pretty homemaker.

Forward to this June. Dh phoned his mum on his 60th birthday. Turns out his dad died in February but they didn't tell us - I heard dh ask his mum how she and his dad were, she said he'd died in February. He asked why no-one told him. She said she wasn't sure he'd be interested. Fabulous birthday. Thank you toxic inlaws.

@Ifonlyihadknown79

I hate drama!!! Don't think I have explained myself very well.. only posted twice before on other stuff not family related. #Not happy with Son at all and he has been told- now he's not talking to me this us the first time we have ever fell out #Ex G.F did whats she did and I wasn't happy it happened at all but it her life not mine. #New G.F is rude,angry,jealous, spiteful I could go on and on and on.

Still though, you're blaming your son's ex and current girlfriends. You need to ask to speak with him alone, and explain to him he should be taking care of his children, emotionally and financially. His relationships with other adults are his business

Horrid situation!

I think some PP need to remember that people come her for advice and often get summarily kicked down.

In my opinion OP, whether the new GF and your son stay together or not, if they have a child together she will be in your life one way or another forever. You might want to try to foster a good relationship (though she sounds a nightmare so it might be difficult!).

You can’t really control or influence your son’s behaviour as he is an adult so maybe stop getting upset about it.

Wait he took the ex back then met the new girlfriend so he began an affair too so tit for tat then

Bloody hell

I’d be saying to your son he can go to court for access to the kids bet he doesn’t then stay out of it altogether.

I’m the fave daughter in law as I’m not a stuck up high maintenance miserable cow. I’m pretty laid back. I can vouch the other daughter in law is absolutely horrific. She treats FIL like a cash machine. Whenever they need money, they never ask her mum. It’s like BIL is brainwashed. She made him sell his flat to pay for an expensive wedding they didn’t need but she wanted to impress everyone. They have 2 kids. BIL literally does everything, he works all day, comes in cleans, cooks and she does nothing. I have 2 kids one with asd and I work, keep the house and DP helps. BIL thinks his late mum loved her when in actual fact 2 weeks before she died she told me she hated her guts. Keeping that little gem to my self for a time needed.

@Ltdannygreen

I’m the fave daughter in law as I’m not a stuck up high maintenance miserable cow. I’m pretty laid back. I can vouch the other daughter in law is absolutely horrific. She treats FIL like a cash machine. Whenever they need money, they never ask her mum. It’s like BIL is brainwashed. She made him sell his flat to pay for an expensive wedding they didn’t need but she wanted to impress everyone. They have 2 kids. BIL literally does everything, he works all day, comes in cleans, cooks and she does nothing. I have 2 kids one with asd and I work, keep the house and DP helps. BIL thinks his late mum loved her when in actual fact 2 weeks before she died she told me she hated her guts. Keeping that little gem to my self for a time needed.

'Little gem'? 'For a time needed'? You sound mean!!!

@ippydippay
Anyone that knows me will tell you Im as far from mean as you can get, I’m just saying I’ve got it if I need to use it, it will happen especially if they keep treating FIL like shit. He’s been more of a dad to me than my own and I don’t like the way they disrespect him. I’ve stayed out of it for the most part and let DP deal but I will step in if I need to.

Anyone getting strong vibes that son is going to have multiple kids with multiple woman and never pay or see any of them after a few years?
No wonder when his mum makes excuses for him
He clearly lacked a male role model growing up and instead of being a better father has turned into an utter prick who mumsy will always make excuses for.
Men who don't pay for their kids are scum. That's nothing to do with the new girlfriend, that's on your twat of a son.
He's actually done the original kids a favour. They're best off without a selfish knobend for a dad who gets a new girlfriend and acts like they don't exist. He doesn't deserve rights to have contact if he refuses to contribute to them.

Wow, your son sounds absolutely awful. What kind of man moves in a new girlfriend and her kids while not seeing his own? That's shocking. If that were my son I'd be so ashamed.

This ^

Also let's hope his current girlfriend doesn't become your DIL as his ex girlfriend wasn't your DIL

Waiting for the "OP thinks this is too revealing so we’ve taken the thread down"...

@GreySkyClouds

Waiting for the "OP thinks this is too revealing so we’ve taken the thread down"...

^same

A classic case of OP is entirely wrong, told as much, still refuses to see they are clearly wrong despite every post telling them this and has it zapped for "privacy concerns"

A classic case of OP is entirely wrong, told as much, still refuses to see they are clearly wrong despite every post telling them this and has it zapped for "privacy concerns"

😂

Definitely not been brought up to behave the way he has. I even said to him that he needs to stop thinking with his dick and start using his head.

The time to sit him down for the "thinking with his dick" talk was several years before he and the first GF got together way too young..

I think I’d have to knit him a spine.

@Ifonlyihadknown79

20:20Nicknacky yes I do and I have made it clear to him... but it seems like I don't even know him anymore. Definitely not been brought up to behave the way he has. I even said to him that he needs to stop thinking with his dick and start using his head.. Not words that would normally come from my mouth

I'm so sorry, ifonly. Parents can only do and say so much so don't blame yourself in any way. I can feel your sadness though and I know I would be equally anxious in your position.

@wasgoingmadinthecountry

My ILs gaslighted me for years. I'm just not their type.

They haven't spoken to us for years because I disagreed with sil. DH took my "side", It was a real no deal discussion for normal people.

They don't like me because I'm not a pretty homemaker.

Forward to this June. Dh phoned his mum on his 60th birthday. Turns out his dad died in February but they didn't tell us - I heard dh ask his mum how she and his dad were, she said he'd died in February. He asked why no-one told him. She said she wasn't sure he'd be interested. Fabulous birthday. Thank you toxic inlaws.

Are you saying that DH hadn't contacted them since before February - almost a year? Maybe she was right to think he wasn't interested, although still unkind not to let him know.

@purpleboy

God people love to stick the boot in don't they!

Op they all sound terrible, but I'm not sure there is much you can do apart from be there for your grandkids and keep trying to encourage your son to see his children. I can't see the relationship lasting between your son and his gf but by that time the damage may already be done between him and his children. Just keep talking to him and remind him what he is throwing away, hopefully he will see sense before it's too late, but I honestly wouldn't hold your breath.

To all the posters blaming op because she raised him, fuck off with your judgement, my ex h did exactly this to our daughter, my ex mil was a wonderful lady who raised 5 other children that managed to not drop their kids the second a new woman comes on the scene, this is not ops fault at all. Some men are just spineless cowards.

Well said

@wasgoingmadinthecountry Jesus that is awful they didn't try to contact him.
OP I hope you're feeling better now, you're doing your best to support your DGC.
His decisions are not your fault he is an adult.
Go low contact take a break from them if possible I know this might cause problems with their new baby. He is over 18 you done your job it isnt about sides it is about him abandoning his DC.