Parental gross out or "what's your worst tale"?

[Aragon]

Tonight I experienced the truth of parenthood. This is that the most disgusting thing can happen and yet you take it in your stride.

This evening I was in the bath with DS (who at the age of 2.5 has decided that no bath is complete without Mum in there too). DS had an empty shampoo bottle which he was filling up and emptying.
Out of the blue he decides to "drink" from the bottle (spitting out the water) while telling me "numma numma" (delicious).
Unfortunately the water ended up being inhaled and he coughed and choked and ......

... (look away now if squeamish)

... vomited back just about everything he'd eaten and drunk during the afternoon. All in the bath water and all over me! Gross, gross, gross!

But with the calm and caring attitude which comes with parenthood I simnple said "oh dear - never mind darling - let's get out and clean up"
All said while cuddling vomit covered toddler and both of us stinking to high heaven.

Emptying the bath was a whole other challenge. Partially digested food and stomach juices don't drain well. I now have a carrier bag full of Bounty, vomit and water (all in the bin).

Yuk, Yuk!

I've fished one of mine out of a bath full of vomit and diarrhoea and cuddled them as they screamed in my ear. I won't forget that. Ever.

I can't read this thread - it's too gross

I've also lost count of the number of times I've been gagging whilst scrubbing poo from the carpet as the offender looked on, giggling.
Another parenting low.

MJP185-I've also had the sick in the mouth thing when holding dd1 over me after a feed

PMSL at this thread!! Alicatsq, our dog once got over excited when we had guests round and rolled on the floor sending an arc of dog 'excitement' into the air for everyone to see

DS has also done the exploding poo whilst naked on the changing mat, also been sick in my face.

ROFL shalaa at 'arc of excrement'.

I was laughing at arc of excitement too, sounds like a baby toy

OH! Just re-read and it's 'arc of excitement not excrement. Sorry. Pretty funny either way though. Still giggling away.

i took ds into town on the bus the other day, on the way back to the bus to go home he starts shouting 'bum,bum,bum,bum' i think ahh how cute! i have a bad cold so cant smell anything, these old ladies start giving me dirty looks whilst waiting for the bus, i think nothing of it and get on, the bus driver again gives me a filthy look.

I sit down and start to feel my leg sopping wet i lift ds up to find he had diorreah through his nappy up his back,stomach and all over my legs! he then starts playing in it, so theres me trying to keep him off me whilst trying to keep his hands out his sh*t! whilst of course ignoring the old biddys giving my filthy looks!

PMSL @ Spagblog - skirt as a bowl & Serenity - catching poo!

Oh Charlee. Hahahahahahahah and Bleurch! Poor you.

the little girl i look after loves putting her hand in her nappy it comes out covered in poo then when i lift her i get covered she then tries to put it in her mouth yuk yuk yuk

I seriously doubt the dog would still be living with us if it had been an arc of excrement!!

My worst so far was when my mums dog had eaten a pair of tights and was obviously in the process of trying to get rid of them in the garden. Ds was playing outside and when I turned round he was pulling the tights out of the dogs a**e! The smell and mess was absolutely horrendous. It was worse because the dog was running and ds was running behind shreiking with laughter whilst clinging onto the tights. Still makes me wretch thnking about it now!

That is f*ing hilarious anchovies!!
The best yet!

STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT!! I'm about to have my first baby and I DON'T NEED TO HEAR THIS

As it's too late to change my mind I'm just going to hum serenely in the conviction that my baby will of course be a little laydee. There's no way she will ever, ever, EVER do anything grubby, yucky or distressing to her mummy... no, not ever...

OMG anchovies thats fecking horrendous

I've read the tights one to my dh too. We are both still psol!

Absolutely ROFL about tights anchovies. That tale really puts mine into perspective. Well done.

ROFL at sucking a snail, that is a classic!!! I could easily imagine my DS sucking a snail. He eats bogeys too. It really disgusts me so he does it all the more!!!

Heck when he was about 18 months old dst1 pooed in the bath, and it wasn't a solid one. I grabbed dst2 first, then dst1 and the mess was gag worthy!

When dst2 was ill I was lying on the couch with him comforting him, he was 2. He went to be sick and automatically I put my hand out and caught it in my hands! I have wooden floors ffs I could have cleaned it up quite easily! And I ended up covered in it.

Ah the glamour of motherhood!

Message withdrawn

Oh this is all so gloriously disgusting.

Best of all - can you imagine coping with such things/situations before you had kids. Believe me I can't.

No vomit today but we are in the middle of potty training so inevitably accidents happen.

Today he did a really big poo in the garden - thankfully solid enoug for me to scoop it up with a wet wipe and get it down the loo.

Getting the remaining poo off his bum was a whole other matter and meant me chasing the little monkey round the garden.

PMSL at some of these !
With Ds1 when being potty trained I left him "to it" as he had been sat there for about 10 minutes.

I was putting ironing away in our bedroom next door and he shouted he'd done a poo- really proud of himself- I walk into his bedroom and he had been using the pooh as a crayon on the walls, carpet,toy boxes, then to make matters worse he had been running toy cars through it leaving "muddy pooh tracks" absolutely everywhere. It took me over 2 hours to get it off everything, and 2 years later Im sure theres still a faint poohie whiff in his room !